UPCYCLING GARDEN GATE

The other half has hidden the remote control in a bid to stop me watching all those TV programmes encouraging upcycling or a ‘make do and mend’ mentality as it always leads to more projects that invariably take him away from re-arranging his collection of racing lanyards.

My latest greatest idea solicited a veritable symphony of eye rolls, tuts and groans so much so that I had to turn away to hide the snigger of amusement prompted by his reaction to my suggestion to upcycle the old garden gate into a wall ornament.



Darling, can we upcycle this gate?


Yeah, yeah! I can hear all that cyber tutting from where I’m typing. Recycling a metal gate? Who does that? Why don’t you just put it on the driveway and wait for the local pikeys to take it away like everyone else does. Because if you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll have gathered that I’m not really like everyone else.

When we re-modelled the front driveway and built a raised flower bed, one of the garden gates had to be taken off the wall to create better vehicular access onto the additional parking space. This rusty old gate has remained propped up against the house for the past 2 years, gathering dust, rust and an assortment of creepy crawly tenants residing under its shadow.

My idea is to chop it down to create a smaller ornate metal panel that can be hung on the wall as a decorative feature rather than send it to landfill.

The other half has rooted through his extensive collection of power tools to find an angle grinder gizmo that can cut through metal. Ooooh look! Your own personal fireworks display!



I love fireworks!

He’s managed to grind off both sides and the top section keeping the central curly bits in a rectangular shape. If we had welding tools or ironmongery skills, it would have been great to add two edging strips along each side to nicely frame the decorative design but unfortunately, we have neither so we’re making do with what’s left.



Pity we can't weld side strips onto this piece

File off any sharp edges left by the angle grinder then remove surface rust flakes with a wire brush before painting.



Prepare surface before painting

I’ve given the gate a couple of coats of black gloss metal paint to cover up the worst of the bare metal and rust patches.



Looks much better

Looks quite smart hanging on the wall and one less thing cluttering up the local landfill.



Saved from going to landfill


Note to self – need to find out how to replace or re-paint a gas meter box as this one is dirtier than an X rated porn movie!

Our plumber says you can buy replacement meter box covers from a company called Mitras if you too are looking to get a new one.

FATTY DUVET DAYS

There are days when you wake up, hear something and think what a load of old tosh. Today is one of them.

Viennese academics have apparently done a study which concludes that fat people take more sick days off work than their skinny minnie counterparts. What utter rubbish!

Firstly, no-one takes a duvet day because they’ve spent their weekend gorging on pizzas or kebabs and are feeling a little carbed out. In the majority of cases there is likely to be something more serious afoot but of course there are always going to be those of us who can’t face Mondays, are hungover or just fancied an extra lie in.

I can just imagine all those sick note fatties ringing their managers saying – “Sorry won’t be in today as I’m feeling like an overstuffed sofa, a bit frayed at the edges. Oh and could you ask HR to get me a reinforced office chair as I’ve gone up a dress size.”

This grand conclusion was arrived at after studying only 122,000 people across Europe, a miniscule percentage of the overall population of the continent so statistically this makes the findings as relevant as a pair of misshapen underpants. Obviously, the scientists must have selected those with a BMI that looked like a lottery win to take part.

Of more importance, these Viennese Whirls should have been studiously looking at 2 things:

1)    A correlation between obesity and prescribed medications. Of the 122,000 people studied, how many of them were taking medicines for an underlying health condition? How many of those prescribed medications generally lead to an increase in weight?

Many of the potions and pills we pop daily for all sorts of conditions can make you feel hungry, cause you to retain fluids/toxins, contain steroids and may be a contributory factor in not being able to successfully shed pounds even when dieting or exercising. For example - Levothyroxin commonly prescribed to those suffering from underactive thyroid issues falls into this category. I should know as I’ve been taking it for around 20 years and am still looking like a hamster with overstuffed cheek pouches even after pounding the pavements day after day.

2)    Meat. Of the 122,000 people studied how many of them regularly consumed meat or meat products? We are what we eat and if we’re eating animals that have been pumped full of steroids or growth hormones in a bid to fatten them up quickly for market then surely it follows that if humans ingest those creatures then we too will end up the size of an Aberdeen Angus.

How would you like your steak?  Medium, rare or full of growth hormones?

Now I’m not advocating we all turn vegetarians as that is very much a lifestyle choice in my book but all I’m saying is that before we point a fat finger, we should stand back and look at the relationship between chemical substances in the food chain and human waistlines.

Being obese is more than just filling your face with doughnuts or gummy bears. Scientists need to look at the wider picture before drawing any conclusions about what makes a person larger than life or take time off work.

Since the study was part funded by a pharmaceutical company involved in the production of one of those new-fangled weight loss injections then I’m sure they’ll be keen to scare us all into badgering our GPs for a course of jabs to shrink down our lardy bits. I can’t help feeling this is another Oxycontin scandal in the making as who knows what the long-term effects of weight loss injections will be on your physical or mental health.

Should you wish to read the article in full and draw your own conclusions, you’ll find it via this link at https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-69002714.

In the meantime, I’m off for a cuppa with some homemade chocolate chip cookies to help me think up a few good excuses for when I phone in sick tomorrow.

Sorry can't come in today as I'm feeling a bit Garibaldi

THE IT CROWD

Just turn it off and turn it back on again. Sound familiar? It’s that worn out cliche trotted out by all IT Departments when they can’t figure out what causing your computer chaos. Switch it off then hope for the best. That’s what I’m doing.

With the plasterer booked in to skim the lounge at the end of May, it’s time to re-connect the office tech gear into its new home in the finished office unit. What an unholy mess! There are cables, screens and gizmos everywhere. How does it all link up?

Any idea how this all fits together?

What I need is a cunning plan. Unlike the Tories, I have devised a proper plan that I’m sticking to and it’s not just some airy-fairy stuff like they make up on the spur of the moment. Apologies to any ‘airy-fairies’ out there, this phrase is not meant in a derogatory way but Google’s definition sums up the Tory plan perfectly – “if you describe someone’s ideas as airy-fairy, you are critical of them because you think the ideas are vague, impractical and unrealistic.” Yep, I think Google’s hit the Tory nail perfectly on the head!

Here’s the plan I prepared earlier although not on the back of a fag packet as that tiny Park Drive cigarette box I recently unearthed wouldn’t have been big enough for my technological mayhem.

Sketch out your IT plan to help re-connection

Of course, it’s all well and good drawing it out on a bit of paper where everything is easily and neatly connected by a pencilled line. It’s a different story when you have to rig it up in situ especially when you’ve got solid timber standing between one component and another.  The answer - Grommets. And holes. But where to put these?

Cable hole covers or computer desk grommets are just the thing to get round the issue of solid surfaces. Ebay to the rescue. Lots available in different diameters and colours.

I’ve gone for a chrome colour 60 mm diameter grommet to cover the hole in the desktop.

Desk cable hole covers/grommets

Remember to buy a diameter large enough to contain all the cables you need to feed through. A 60 mm diameter will cater for a surprising number of different sized wires as you can see from my spaghetti junction.

A proper spaghetti junction of wiring

I’m using smaller black 35 mm diameter grommets for the side holes in the wall units so that I can feed the printer and scanner cables from the sides down into the main desk grommet.

Smaller 35 mm diameter cable hole cover

Annoyingly when drilling the side holes, you really need 2 grommets one for each side of the hole especially in places where both sides can be seen. Since each grommet is around 12 mm deep then the question arises of what to do with the small visible rim left uncovered. I’ve painted this black but to finish the holes off properly, I’ve ordered more grommets which I can cut down to size and make fit.

Grommets for holes in the sides of shelf unit

Drilling round holes into timber or worktops requires a special drill bit which luckily the other half just happened to have.

Special drill bit to make holes

The worktop holes need drilling through from both sides due to the thickness of the material so care has to be taken to ensure both are correctly lined up.

Drill holes from both sides of the worktop

Now being somewhat of a tidy freak, I’d like to have all the cables neatly tucked away out of sight but it’s rarely the case in a home office set up. 

Too messy for my liking

Gaffer tape is a tidy girl’s best friend in these instances. Once everything is connected and you’ve figured out how much cable is surplus to requirements, this can be tidily taped up to the underside of the desk to keep it out of the way.

Another job for SuperGaffer

If you are using a docking station with a laptop instead of a desktop or tower computer, I did manage to find a very nifty mounting bracket on the Etsy website that allows you to suspend the dock under the desk. 

Under desk mounting bracket for docking stations

This two-piece bracket can also be screwed onto side panels as I have done here to allow easy connection of gadgets and it also means not having to sacrifice valuable work surface space.

Position docking station for easy access

To hide the unsightly wires trailing down from the WIFI router to the telephone socket, I’ve used black D-line trunking. 

D-Line self adhesive trunking

Now available in many colours from B&Q, this plastic trunking can be easily cut to size and has a self-adhesive strip on the back so that it can be stuck virtually anywhere. An 8mm sized piece will comfortably accommodate 3 slim wires but bigger sizes are also available.

D-Line trunking in many sizes and colours

After an hour or so of crawling around, bashing my bonce on the desktop and getting my gaffer knickers in a sticky knot I am ready to flick the ON switch. Fingers crossed it all works!!

I now declare this office offically open for WFH business

SUPER! SMASHING!

OMG! Don’t you just love smashing things up? Vandalism - It’s the best prescription for when you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps.

Today is Demolition Day. Three years surrounded by flaking plaster, open cable trenches and dirty great cracks is enough for anyone. It’s time to kickstart the lounge makeover beginning with the demolition of the existing library bookcase.

Solidly made of good hard wood from a bygone era when bookcases were built to last and not made from cheapy materials such as MDF or chipboard, it’s a great shame we can’t incorporate this shelving into our new design. Sadly, it’s out with the old and in with the new.

Ripping out the bookcase

What a smashing time I’ve had this afternoon ripping the thing apart. Bang, crash, wallop! I bet the old dear next door thought the roof was caving in from all the noise I was making. And talking of old dears… Rumour has it she’s putting her house on the market. Have our DIY antics driven her out? Har, har, har - I’m sure she’s sick and tired of the endless parade of tradespeople beating a path to our door since we moved here. Well, I know I am!

This bookcase certainly proved to be of much sturdier construction than I thought. Easy enough to unscrew the individual shelves but removing the sliding doors and remaining timbers needed muscle a wimpy old gal like me doesn’t have anymore.

Crikey!  Need to blow the doors off!

It’s funny how in order to destruct something you invariable have to figure out how its constructed in the first place. Closely studying how it’s all put together beforehand helped me take it apart bit by bit.

Like that couple in Lincoln who recently discovered a medieval relic during their bathroom refurbishment, I too came across a couple of interesting little finds although not quite as exciting as theirs.

Darling, there's a strange man under the bathroom floor

The first being a signature that looks like ‘Mr Gillian’. It was pencilled across one of the thick sturdy timber battens that made up the door frame. Who is this mystery person? Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, a lightbulb momentarily flickered into life. I’d seen that name before but where?

Who is this person and why did he sign this bit of wood?

Aha! I think this might be an answer to the mystery. ‘Mr Gillian’ could perhaps be Mr Gilliam one of the previous owners of this property mentioned in an old conveyancing document held with my deeds. 

Frank Norman Gilliam - Is this our man of mystery?

I’d love to think that a person who lived here before made this bookcase. There’s a strange sense of connection – I can almost see Mr Gilliam standing right where I am trying to work out what materials to use and where to position his shelves.

Second discovery was made when prising out the timber sections laid on top of the door frames. Tucked into a small corner, a rolled piece of thin card being used as a spacer to chock up the back of the wood. When unfolded, not a medieval relic of historical significance but an old fag packet.

Park Drive cigarette pack

Perhaps Mr Gilliam had just finished the last ciggie in the box and thought the pack would come in handy to help him level up his woodwork. Brilliant or Bodger? It’s amazing the paper hadn’t completely disintegrated after all these years.

Finally, the bookcase is reduced to a motley assortment of wooden debris ready for disposal.

All done

Ready for the tip

But in case you thought it was curtains for this lovely old piece of built in furniture, we’ve re-purposed the best of the planks to make more planters for the garden.

Old shelves make great planters

Future home for mangetout peas

The perfect planter