MORE STOOLS

Seems I’m not the only one interested in stools….

How the NHS can expect anyone to poop into such a small plastic box is anyone’s guess but looks like I’m going to be playing catch the turdy later on.

NHS bowel cancer test kit

Enough about turds (sorry, did someone say Trump?), let’s focus our thoughts on the other sort of stool.

Now where did we get to last time? Ah yes, we’d killed our lion, ripped it’s guts out and covered it in small bits of wood. Never attempt this with a real lion as they don’t take too kindly to having twiggy bits in their fur.

So, we now have a stool with nicely painted sides but bare legs.

Paint or stain stool legs 

It’s still a little bit chilly to be going around in bare legs especially with those Baltic breezes blowing down from up north so I’m going to apply two pairs of oak stained tights to the stumpy legs.

Apply stain, allow to dry then lightly sand with fine wire wool before applying a second coat of stain. Finish off with a coat of lacquer or wax polish.

Stool just needs a top

To finish the stool, a nice chunky wooden top to provide a sturdy platform for the yucca plant and compliment the 20 denier oak tanned legs.

Cut a circular shaped piece of timber to fit over the stool top allowing it to slightly overhang the timber mouldings on the side.

Cut a circular shaped piece of timber for the top

Apply stain, allow to dry then lightly sand with fine wire wool before applying a second coat of stain. Finish off with a coat of lacquer or wax polish.

Paint or stain the top piece

Allow the wooden circle to completely dry then stick to the stool top with a generous coating of CT1/glue. Leave overnight for the glue to cure.

Glue the wooden circle onto the top of the stool

Tah dah! Leo the lion is now a super plant stand, lifting the yucca off the carpet and providing Shelby with a tortoise assault course at the same time. Grrreat!

Nice plant stand

STOOLS

Woke up this morning with a cat’s arse hovering dangerously over my face. It seems the mischievous moggy has devised a new way of getting me up at kitty o’clock (6 am) by jumping on my chest then happy slapping my face with its tail. Ah so cute. Not! Throw 8 x 1 kilo bags of sugar onto your torso then see how you like it. Help! I can’t breathe!

Wakey, wakey

Anyhow, we’re not here to discuss my early morning wake up calls but to talk about stools. I don’t mean the brown poopy sort; I’m referring to the three/four-legged variety.

I'm just what you need

I’ve bought a yucca plant to add a touch of fresh greenery to the corner next to the new vinyl storage cabinet yet when I looked at the thing, it seemed to me it was somewhat lacking on the charm offensive front. Hmmm, what this plant needs is a nice stool to sit on.

Lacking in something

Unable to find something I liked online then once again it’s craft-head on to come up with a novel way to make the stool of my dreams. (You dream about stools?)

Enter Leo the Lion. You see cute children’s play seat – I see ripped apart, pimped out plant stand. Purchased for £4.99 from my local Cancer Research shop, this lovable lion is just what I need for this next project.

Leo the lion - just what I needed

Let’s get started. Firstly, remove the cute covering which basically just completely peels off. Keep it handy in case you need to wear it in the garden to scare off neighbouring moggies using the borders as bogs.

Leo stripped down

Next, remove all the foam padding stapled to the top and sides. What’s underneath is a high sided drum shaped structure supported on four wooden legs with a rough wooden top. Perfect.

What's beneath the lion

Having examined the lion’s innards from every angle, I’ve closed my eyes to imagine how I can transform this item into something fitting in with the rest of my black and oak styled furniture.

Half-moon pine mouldings, yes that should do nicely for the sides. Cut the pine moulding into smaller pieces long enough to cover the sides of the drum.

Half moon pine moulding

Cut mouldings to the height of the stool side

On a level surface, turn the stool upside down then stick the cut pieces of moulding around the drum keeping the individual strips as vertical as possible. 

Apply glue to cut moulding

Stick moulding to side of stool

Repeat until the whole side is covered

I’m using some black coloured CT1 adhesive for this part. This product has now become my ‘go to’ glue for all household repair jobs as it sticks just about anything to any surface. Set aside for a day or two for the CT1 to bond.

Bonds to any material

Once all the mouldings are securely fixed to the side of the drum, paint in your chosen colour. I’m painting mine in matt black furniture paint which I will then finish off with a coat of varnish or lacquer.

Ensure all mouldings are securely fixed

Paint sides in colour of your choice

Right. Now sit back, have a cuppa or two then think about how you’re going to smarten up the stool’s top and stubby legs.

SPRING STATEMENT

Another month has almost rolled by. Not looking forward to the week ahead especially as Thursday heralds the Government’s Spring Statement which is likely to bring more of a chill than the current Baltic breezes tiptoeing through your tulips.

Last year's lovely tulip display

What insidious tortures will Rachel from Accounts unleash on the unwitting British public? I dread to think.

I want what you've got

My money minions are on high alert to sniff out any potential changes to the ISA savings limit. Not that I have a great deal of money to spare these days but dropping the allowance from £20K to £4K is one helluva wallet wallop and something that I hope will not come to pass.

With the Bank of England keeping the base rates on hold then anyone who hasn’t stashed away their nest egg into an ISA is likely to fall foul of what I call the Savers Tax which kicks in as soon as you’ve earned over a £1,000 in interest on your savings. Don’t dilly dally, get your money into an ISA now!

https://www.gov.uk/apply-tax-free-interest-on-savings

My second concern is whether she will go on to further extend the freeze on the income tax personal allowance thresholds. She said no tax or spend (famous last words) but if she decides to push the deadline out beyond 2028 then in a sense this will be nothing more than a deferred tax. As I’ve said before many a time on this blog, fiscal drag means that sooner or later EVERYONE will end up paying tax.

Labour can’t risk any further economical upsets so fingers crossed that this will be an uneventful budget, giving us all at least 6 months in which to get our houses in order before the next financial atom bomb is dropped.

As if all that wasn't bad enough, the clocks are going forward next Sunday so an hour less in bed.  Ugh!  Roll on April.

PILED ON

So, the Government is thinking of giving a cash handout to everyone living next to electricity pylons. Will that include those of us who have electrical substations bordering our back garden? I hope so. 

Why stop at pylons? Let’s not forget over-sized garden pergolas, larger than life leylandii hedges, size 26 knickers on neighbouring wash lines, that elephantine Chelsea tractor parked outside creating a mini solar eclipse or any other potential blots on the landscape.

Case for compensation

For anyone who thought the cost of this golden ticket would be met from energy supplier profits then suckers, this confirms you truly have the IQ of a melting ice cap. As soon as the cat was out of the Labour bag there was never any doubt the costs would be piled onto our energy bills as will every other cost not yet incurred in the race to achieve ‘net zero’ – a contradiction in terms if ever there was one because you will never ever be able to completely remove all greenhouse gases produced by whatever sources or negate against this.

As sure as eggs is eggs, energy consumers will always end up footing the bill for whatever national infrastructure changes fit the current political whim. And let’s not forget this mythical promise of discounted energy (my arse!) which is never likely to materialise in our lifetimes let alone those of our children, grandchildren or great grandchildren.

I am not opposed to paying for cabling, pylons or other means that will bring cheap renewable energy straight to my non smart meter. But. And there always is one of those - deep in the cynical recesses of my metal-head I know that you can lay a zillion metres of cabling but until you stop the unit price of electricity being determined by the cost of gas then it makes no difference how many ugly pylons you plaster over the landscape. It’s the current pricing mechanism NOT the inadequate infrastructure that’s to blame.

Tosh, I hear some of you say. Well, you may be right but we’re all entitled to our conspiracist opinions which are that there is little or no appetite to fix anything that might derail the energy capitalist net zero gravy train.

I hope not to be reading the same tabloid headlines in 10 years’ time about how our energy bills are going to come down because in theory when there are more pylons than people they already should have!

There be giants