STOOLS

Woke up this morning with a cat’s arse hovering dangerously over my face. It seems the mischievous moggy has devised a new way of getting me up at kitty o’clock (6 am) by jumping on my chest then happy slapping my face with its tail. Ah so cute. Not! Throw 8 x 1 kilo bags of sugar onto your torso then see how you like it. Help! I can’t breathe!

Wakey, wakey

Anyhow, we’re not here to discuss my early morning wake up calls but to talk about stools. I don’t mean the brown poopy sort; I’m referring to the three/four-legged variety.

I'm just what you need

I’ve bought a yucca plant to add a touch of fresh greenery to the corner next to the new vinyl storage cabinet yet when I looked at the thing, it seemed to me it was somewhat lacking on the charm offensive front. Hmmm, what this plant needs is a nice stool to sit on.

Lacking in something

Unable to find something I liked online then once again it’s craft-head on to come up with a novel way to make the stool of my dreams. (You dream about stools?)

Enter Leo the Lion. You see cute children’s play seat – I see ripped apart, pimped out plant stand. Purchased for £4.99 from my local Cancer Research shop, this lovable lion is just what I need for this next project.

Leo the lion - just what I needed

Let’s get started. Firstly, remove the cute covering which basically just completely peels off. Keep it handy in case you need to wear it in the garden to scare off neighbouring moggies using the borders as bogs.

Leo stripped down

Next, remove all the foam padding stapled to the top and sides. What’s underneath is a high sided drum shaped structure supported on four wooden legs with a rough wooden top. Perfect.

What's beneath the lion

Having examined the lion’s innards from every angle, I’ve closed my eyes to imagine how I can transform this item into something fitting in with the rest of my black and oak styled furniture.

Half-moon pine mouldings, yes that should do nicely for the sides. Cut the pine moulding into smaller pieces long enough to cover the sides of the drum.

Half moon pine moulding

Cut mouldings to the height of the stool side

On a level surface, turn the stool upside down then stick the cut pieces of moulding around the drum keeping the individual strips as vertical as possible. 

Apply glue to cut moulding

Stick moulding to side of stool

Repeat until the whole side is covered

I’m using some black coloured CT1 adhesive for this part. This product has now become my ‘go to’ glue for all household repair jobs as it sticks just about anything to any surface. Set aside for a day or two for the CT1 to bond.

Bonds to any material

Once all the mouldings are securely fixed to the side of the drum, paint in your chosen colour. I’m painting mine in matt black furniture paint which I will then finish off with a coat of varnish or lacquer.

Ensure all mouldings are securely fixed

Paint sides in colour of your choice

Right. Now sit back, have a cuppa or two then think about how you’re going to smarten up the stool’s top and stubby legs.

SPRING STATEMENT

Another month has almost rolled by. Not looking forward to the week ahead especially as Thursday heralds the Government’s Spring Statement which is likely to bring more of a chill than the current Baltic breezes tiptoeing through your tulips.

Last year's lovely tulip display

What insidious tortures will Rachel from Accounts unleash on the unwitting British public? I dread to think.

I want what you've got

My money minions are on high alert to sniff out any potential changes to the ISA savings limit. Not that I have a great deal of money to spare these days but dropping the allowance from £20K to £4K is one helluva wallet wallop and something that I hope will not come to pass.

With the Bank of England keeping the base rates on hold then anyone who hasn’t stashed away their nest egg into an ISA is likely to fall foul of what I call the Savers Tax which kicks in as soon as you’ve earned over a £1,000 in interest on your savings. Don’t dilly dally, get your money into an ISA now!

https://www.gov.uk/apply-tax-free-interest-on-savings

My second concern is whether she will go on to further extend the freeze on the income tax personal allowance thresholds. She said no tax or spend (famous last words) but if she decides to push the deadline out beyond 2028 then in a sense this will be nothing more than a deferred tax. As I’ve said before many a time on this blog, fiscal drag means that sooner or later EVERYONE will end up paying tax.

Labour can’t risk any further economical upsets so fingers crossed that this will be an uneventful budget, giving us all at least 6 months in which to get our houses in order before the next financial atom bomb is dropped.

As if all that wasn't bad enough, the clocks are going forward next Sunday so an hour less in bed.  Ugh!  Roll on April.

PILED ON

So, the Government is thinking of giving a cash handout to everyone living next to electricity pylons. Will that include those of us who have electrical substations bordering our back garden? I hope so. 

Why stop at pylons? Let’s not forget over-sized garden pergolas, larger than life leylandii hedges, size 26 knickers on neighbouring wash lines, that elephantine Chelsea tractor parked outside creating a mini solar eclipse or any other potential blots on the landscape.

Case for compensation

For anyone who thought the cost of this golden ticket would be met from energy supplier profits then suckers, this confirms you truly have the IQ of a melting ice cap. As soon as the cat was out of the Labour bag there was never any doubt the costs would be piled onto our energy bills as will every other cost not yet incurred in the race to achieve ‘net zero’ – a contradiction in terms if ever there was one because you will never ever be able to completely remove all greenhouse gases produced by whatever sources or negate against this.

As sure as eggs is eggs, energy consumers will always end up footing the bill for whatever national infrastructure changes fit the current political whim. And let’s not forget this mythical promise of discounted energy (my arse!) which is never likely to materialise in our lifetimes let alone those of our children, grandchildren or great grandchildren.

I am not opposed to paying for cabling, pylons or other means that will bring cheap renewable energy straight to my non smart meter. But. And there always is one of those - deep in the cynical recesses of my metal-head I know that you can lay a zillion metres of cabling but until you stop the unit price of electricity being determined by the cost of gas then it makes no difference how many ugly pylons you plaster over the landscape. It’s the current pricing mechanism NOT the inadequate infrastructure that’s to blame.

Tosh, I hear some of you say. Well, you may be right but we’re all entitled to our conspiracist opinions which are that there is little or no appetite to fix anything that might derail the energy capitalist net zero gravy train.

I hope not to be reading the same tabloid headlines in 10 years’ time about how our energy bills are going to come down because in theory when there are more pylons than people they already should have!

There be giants

RULES IS RULES

Aahh! Those bloody rules!!

No, seriously I’m going to have to clobber someone if I hear anyone else telling me that I can’t do this or that because of some wretched building regulation or other.

What is it now? You may well ask because there’s always something isn’t there. This time its rules around light switches in bathrooms.

Now the court of Google opinion is firmly divided in this case – can you or can you not have a conventional light switch in a toilet, M’Lud?

The rules regarding light switches in bathrooms revolve around the ‘zones’ in the room and generally are as follows:

Bathroom zones

A switch should be at least 0.6 m from the edge of the bath or shower (outside the zones) and must be suitable for the location. The cords of cord-operated switches are allowed in zones 1 and 2 and are recommended for bathrooms and shower rooms to account for the humidity and condensation that could occur.

Now this is where things get a little nebulous – many people feel that a room that just contains a toilet and hand-basin is not classed as a ‘bathroom’ and therefore the above rules do not apply because there’ll be no humidity or condensation arising from steam.

Our downstairs toilet has a conventional switch in it. Since the house was first built in the late 1950’s it’s had this switch. The switch has served its purpose with no danger to life or limb yet now that the room is to be refurbished, it’s against the ‘rules’. What?

Has been used since 1958 with no problems

And as always different trades people, different views on this matter:

‘But someone might touch the switch with wet hands’ said the first plumber even though I pointed out that most people wash then dry their hands before leaving the loo.

‘But it could be a child’ he countered.

‘We don’t have any’ I parried back.

‘But what if you sell the house to someone with children?’  Oh good grief.

He wasn’t going to let it go because by then he’d already decided to charge me to have the switch moved outside into the corridor.

Or I could fit a sensor light said the second plumber. Now is this the same type of lighting they have in Greek tavernas where in mid pee you suddenly have to wildly wave your arms about in the dark doing a demented impression of air traffic runway control in order to get the automatic light to come back on? No thanks.

Guess who didn’t make it to the quote selection list.

I can appreciate these rules are there for the numpties who wash their hands then reach for the switch before drying but my limited understanding of these matters is that it isn’t wet hands that gives rise to the risk but more like steam/condensation penetrating the switch. In a basic cloakroom like ours there wouldn’t be any.

Not having the energy to argue the toss with these people or flagrantly ignore the rules which I would have done had we just been doing the job ourselves then I’ve had to arrange for the sparkie to come in and change the existing switch for a pull-cord variety. 

Pull cord switch fitted to the ceiling

An unnecessary measure and expense but I guess it’s best to err on the side of caution in case we ever do decide to sell up in future.