OUTDOOR BOOK LIBRARY

Number of times I’ve thought about work since retiring – ZERO.

Has boredom set in yet? NO.

Another weekend of reading articles extolling the virtues of working past retirement age or urging punters to invest their nest eggs in shares rather than cash accounts. Just who are you kidding?

Lacking the imagination to make something of your life when you give up work is no excuse to just continue that same life in servitude to the Tax Man because in reality that is all you are doing.

Persuading people to work longer is not about alleviating their boredom, giving them a purpose, countering loneliness with an office social life or water-cooler gossip, funding a cushier retirement – it’s because the State needs as many taxpayers as possible to balance its books. Work if you must but count me out.

Anyhow, this post is not about the whys or wherefores of whether to give up work or not but is about outdoor book libraries.

One of our neighbours very kindly set up a mini lending library in her front garden which being a life-long lover of reading, I loudly applaud. I've been an active contributor since its inception.

Neighbourhood book exchange

Encouraging others to read instead of spending hours with nose buried in a gadget is top of my list of things that should actively be pursued. Books are a wonderful form of escapism and libraries (indoor or outdoor) can transport you to other worlds energy free.  Nothing beats a well crafted novel or crime thriller.  Not even chocolate or sex comes close.

My son it seems has the same idea in mind, wanting to pop one outside his front door. A free book exchange for anyone who has a hankering for a good read. Shocked by the cost of acquiring one of these little lending libraries online, it’s time to head to the timber merchants for a bit of wood. Hey boys, I’m back!!

Guess what my son’s getting for his birthday this summer? Yep, a little lending library loving crafted by the workshop of mum and dad.

I’ve already found a simplistic design for an outdoor book cabinet to be used as a model for ours because the best ideas are always someone else’s.

Could we make one of these?

Our little lending library will be fashioned using principles and skills applied to a whole host of previous projects. It will be made from pine board, finished in a couple of coats of exterior weatherproof paint with a waterproof roof then mounted on sturdy posts cemented into the ground.

Sounds simple but for a pair of old duffers with the carpentry skills of a plug-in air freshener, it’ll be like trying to broker a ceasefire deal in the Middle East or understanding the new Make Tax Difficult rules. Complicated to say the least.

I hope this next series of posts will inspire you to make your own little book library but let’s get this project off the ground while we wait for the flooring quote to arrive.

TIDAL SURGE

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink. Or to wash in. Or to flush the loo.

Well, well, well – looks like our water bills are going to float down the same river as our energy bills judging by the recent slew of tabloid headlines relating to price increases by water companies. The Government’s latest idea is to introduce surge pricing for water consumption next time we have a drought. Use more, be charged more when supply is scarce is their thinking.

No mention of setting targets for new reservoirs to be built or incentives for greater rainwater capture by farmers, the public or anyone else using water. Nope. Even with my dodgy eyesight, I saw ZERO mention of those things. Doing something that might actually fix the underlying problem thrown out with the bathwater (ha ha), just more punitive charging of the masses.

It also seems that we are now going to be forced to pay for stuff that is not even directly related to our own personal water consumption. But every time new houses get built or data centres come online then kerrching! Those costs will be sneakily added onto our bills thanks to the efforts of OFWAT, the water regulator. Cheers OFTWAT. Thanks a bunch mate!

As I and most of the country have said until we’re blue in the face - water companies have been allowed to get away with blue murder since Thatcher allowed them to be sold off to the highest bidder, rinsing both the public purse after nationalisation and our wallets ever since. Now it looks like we’re expected to fund all those improvements to infrastructure that should have been paid for decades ago and some.

Mad cow I may be but a water squanderer I am not. Every drop of the precious stuff in this house is never wasted. And with 3 water butts already in the garden, I’m re-visiting all my outside spaces to see where I might cram in a few more.

This recent article on the Beeb just takes the biscuit. Here’s the intro paragraph to give you a flavour of what’s heading your way:

Water companies have been given the green light to increase bills for customers by an extra £3.4bn in coming years to meet increased pressures on infrastructure and the environment.

Nearly a third of the extra funding provisionally approved for 13 water companies in England and Wales is earmarked for making sure water services are maintained.

Some of the rest will be used to meet rising demand from housebuilding and data centres and to address pollutants known as "forever chemicals".

When I read stuff like this, my brain does not simply accept it with an ‘oh, ay’ then go back to whatever innocuous thing I was doing beforehand. If only! Instead, I find myself playing devil’s advocate, picking apart each statement like a vulture picks a zebra bone cleaner than a new pin.

So, looking at these journalistic statements then what I want to know is this – if only a third of the extra funding is for making sure water services are maintained then what’s going to happen to the other two thirds of the dosh? Two thirds of an extra £3.4 billion comes to just over £2 billion quid. That’s a lotta wonga to be unaccounted for.

Why is some of the rest being used to meet demand from housebuilding and data centres? Presumably, that means part of the £2 billion is going to be spent on these areas. Surely, these industries both of which trouser a handsome profit from their activities should be paying their own water bills and not expecting the public to do so. I didn’t ask for extra houses to be built and I don’t remember signing up for data centres either.

Why am I now expected to find money I don’t really have to bankroll developers and tech companies so they have enough water to make handsome profits whilst I have to wash in a bucket and watch my garden frazzle as the UK burns? There’s something not quite right here.

Lastly ‘forever chemicals’ – what exactly are these?  According to the Government’s own blog these things also known as PFAS (per- and poly-fluoroalkyl substances) are a family of thousands of man-made chemicals. They're brilliant at resisting heat, water and oil - which is why manufacturers have used them.

https://defraenvironment.blog.gov.uk/2026/02/03/forever-chemicals-the-problem-and-our-plan/ 

And which is why manufacturers who use them should pay to mitigate the effects of these unwanted and potentially dangerous toxins polluting our environment out of their profits. Having purchased an item containing PFAS, it should not be down to every water user in the land to pay again for the consequences of their environmental impact. The answer is to stop producing or using items that contain PFAS, find alternatives to these chemicals or to impose a PFAS levy on manufacturers.

The Government has no money but clearly thinks we all have far too much of the stuff even after taxes and this cost-of-living squeeze. To avoid any form of direct taxation increases then no doubt it’s come up with the same cunning plan to include ‘green/environmental levies’ in water bills in the same way it does for energy bills. Next thing you know, they’ll be bumping up our broadband bills to pay for the environmental costs of all those invisible radio-waves frying our brains.

Unfortunately for us, whilst we may be able to cut down on gas and electricity or phone use, it is much harder to cut back on water. Even if we didn’t wash our cars or water gardens, there are basic needs such as drinking, cooking and using the loo that require water. Cutting back on those activities might lead to longer term health or hygiene issues. I am certainly not going to wait for multiple poops to accumulate in the pan before flushing. Eeeeugh! Can you imagine anything more gross?

Come on Burnham. You promised us action and change yet you’re going down the same ‘fleece ‘em’ route as every other prime minister before you.

Either privatise these water buggers or harness the building capability of the armed forces to quickly build pipelines connecting rainy Scotland to UK water systems or better still, ask Rayner to fast-track all applications to build reservoirs. Use your power on the basis of a national water security strategy to quash the Nimbys and increase rainwater capture – don’t just keep bleeding all of us dry!

HEATWAVE TO HELL

‘I’m on the heatwave to hell’ sing AC/DC on their newly released climate change remastered single specially adapted for this year’s sweltering summer.

You’d think that having all the retirement time in the world, I’d be rejoicing at summer sunshine and the opportunity to bronze my bulges on a pebbly West Sussex beach somewhere. Wrong! This never-ending heatwave is slowly becoming my idea of a living humid hell. It’s playing havoc with my joints!

Since sizzling started, going outside during the hours of 10 am and 4 pm is banned. Instead, I’ve taken to prancing around a darkened house in little more than my undies quaffing gallons of chilled water and wondering what would happen if I filled both bra cups with ice cubes. Anyone tried it?

Bertie's idea of keeping cool 

I’ve become the early bird who doesn’t like warm worms. My appointments have all been re-scheduled to crack of dawn slots including visits to the local sports centre. Midday pilates classes replaced with 7.30 am swim sessions instead because anything that requires clothing or the remotest bit of sweat-inducing effort has been sent swiftly to the back of the line. Days are long, languid and lazy.

Keeping out the heat

It’s now gotten to the point where I can no longer bear to look out of the windows at blue cloudless skies because they only make me think of the lack of rain that we’ve been forced to endure for what seems an eternity. Curtains remain firmly drawn until late afternoon when the sun’s moved round to the other side of the house throwing much appreciated shade onto the patio. Only then do I peer outside but not for long.

It’s at times like these I’m thankful I don’t have to go to work. Can’t imagine what hellish conditions some peeps are having to endure to earn their daily bread especially those stuck behind an array of heat-pumping PCs or other heat emitting devices. My heart and thoughts are with you sweaty buggers.

No hope for this one

My poor garden. Every scorcher that passes leaves a greater trail of brittle browned foliage. Half the plants in the back borders are surviving on a wing and a prayer as having a water meter means only an occasional sprinkle every 3-4 days. Autumn can’t come soon enough although ironically, it’ll be just our luck that 2026 will bring one of those late Indian summers thus extending this purgatory for a few more weeks.

Hydrangea on the endangered list

It’s looking like an almighty shovel job will be on the agenda once temperatures begin to cool down. There’s a ton of dead plants to dig up, a number on the critically endangered list to nurture back to life and a lawn I’ve named Lazarus as it’ll need a miraculous resurrection from death to restore it to its verdant glory.

Needs a miracle and a biblical deluge

If this is what the future’s all about then I may as well order the cement mixer right now to concrete it all over as I can’t bear to see everything I worked so hard to create in the garden dying before my very eyes.

Lavender one, veggies nil. This year’s gardening premier league is in dire straits particularly on the vegetable front. Mangetout shrivelled to a crisp, dwarf beans (second lot germinated) scoffed by whatever slugs weren’t desiccated and tomatoes struggling to produce any meaningful goals. The only things unaffected by tropical sunshine are rhubarb (indestructible), leeks (weedy but growing) and the carrots (small, leggy but delicious).

Look weird but taste bloody lovely

Tomatoes hardly worth the bother

It’s been a bumper year for lavender bushes and I’ve harvested every single flower to make lovely smelling lavender bags for my cupboards. You can buy small empty bags from Amazon or Ebay. I’ve got these dotted around the house, hanging from windows, in cupboards, drawers and in the car. Smells proper old lady in here but cheaper than Febreze. I guess I should be thankful that some plants have been spared in the climate carnage.

It's been a great year for lavender

Use your dried lavender to make these

Of course you can’t eat lavender (can you?) so no doubt most of us green fingered, scantily clad gardeners will be having a serious rethink of how best to refill the borders using plants better adapted for temperature extremes – wet, soggy winters followed by long periods of hot, dry summers. Surely there’s gotta be plants out there that fit the bill?

And if I’m struggling to grow greens then spare a thought for farmers. For some of us, summer is a bummer. Be prepared for rampant food inflation as scarcity of crops, more imports from abroad, higher energy costs and a continuing war in the Middle East are going to heap more into our begging bowls than our tiny Wegovy shrunk bellies can cope with.

Ooooh!  Those ice cubes feel gorgeous!!

THE EYES HAVE IT

All eyes are on the sky as tonight we’re being treated to one of those rare astronomical occurrences – a solar eclipse or partial eclipse for those of us stuck in Blighty, sweltering in temperatures generally enjoyed by pigs in blankets in a hot oven.

Heatwave humour by Patrick Chappate - how true!!

Everyone has an eclipse story to tell – in the same way that everyone remembers what they were doing the day Prince Charles and Lady Di got married. I was mackerel fishing with the Ancient Mariner at Kimmeridge Bay as it was another gloriously hot day and the nation had miraculously been given a day off work. Too good an opportunity to pass up when the oracle of the oceans had foretold that fish would be biting.

Remember 1999? I was working in Dorchester at the time and saw the last eclipse from the staff car park just outside my office. Suited and booted, wearing my special ‘sun’ specs, honestly there was not a lot to be seen as the sun was obscured behind a blanket of thick, grey cloud. Daylight dimmed, there was a deathly hush – not even traffic could be heard. On that day, the earth truly stood still. Along with most of the UK’s workforce.

A blast from the past

I kept my special eclipse glasses as a souvenir and have dug them out again in readiness for tonight as it’s important to protect your peepers above all else. And in a roundabout way, this is what’s influenced this post – eye tests.

Eclipse glasses - knew they'd come in handy

Should have gone to Specsavers. Well, I did. And today I learnt something new. Something which VDU workers often take for granted as most keyboard warriors normally get eye tests paid for by their employers. Something that I didn’t think applied to those over 60 years of age but apparently it does and it is this: not everyone is entitled to get their eye’s tested on a yearly basis and for free.

Routine eye tests are generally recommended by the NHS every two years according to Specsavers although the NHS website fails to mention this timeframe. Your optician can designate you as a customer requiring an annual check-up if you meet specific criteria but for the majority, you only need a test every 24 months.

So, here’s the kicker. If you ask an optician to do an eye test within that 24-month period and there HAS NOT been a significant change to your visual prescription then you will be charged for a private sight test. Which costs around £30 in Specsavers. This charge applies even if you are over 60. Did you know this? It certainly was news to me.

Being a bespectacled basher of keyboards, I’ve noticed a marked deterioration in eyesight since my last eye test in May 2025. Not only am I as mad as a box of frogs but now it seems, I’m as blind as a bat too!

You know things are getting bad when you can’t read the menu at the ‘Spoons without contorting your face into a squinty gurn. I’m acutely conscious of the fact that when I do this, other punters are probably sipping their pints thinking she’s a special window licker to be sure. Menus, food labels, prescription packs, fortune cookies – it’s all become a treacly morass of unreadable small print.

Of course, no-one voluntarily goes to the optician without just cause. Every time I’ve stepped across their threshold, I’ve kissed goodbye to around £300 as there’s always a million reasons why I’ve got to renew my varifocals. If only I’d had both eyes lasered when younger, I’d have saved a small fortune on spectacles.

But here I am, shelling out for a pair of Mr Magoo reading glasses with lenses thicker than a bottle of Guinness that will no doubt languish in the bottom of my handbag for the next two years or until a guide dog is needed.

‘Cataracts. They’re developing’ chirped Specky Four Eyes as he diligently peered into each eye with his Maglite leaving me blinded and thinking of a past trip to Niagara Falls. Developing? Oh Lord. What exactly does that mean?

I would have liked to have wiped the grin off his face with a few pithy rejoinders but it’s way too hot for any of that plus I’ve got an eclipse to prepare for before my own personal daylight gets clouded over by cataracts.