SPECIAL MADE UP PIZZA PIE

Merry Christmas readers!  Better late than never I say as it’s been a long while since I took to the keyboard to regale you with tales of garden revelry or other such nonsense.  Those conspiracy theorists amongst you might think that I’ve been deliberately hiding after my despicable spider murder but I can assure you that my mysterious disappearance is simply due to a prolonged spell of idleness rather than any kind of self-imposed cyber silence.  It’s my new year’s resolution to make an effort to keep this epic spanned-the-last-decade blog going as best I can.

In the spirit of Christmas, I have a couple of cyber gifts to share with you all. The first is my special made up recipe for ‘Pizza Pies’ inspired by an episode of Man vs Food and the second is a party frock I rustled up out of carrier bags for our family fancy dress Christmas dinner.  More about fashion later, now it’s time for pie!

During the festive doldrums (that never-ending period between Christmas and the New Year of on-line shopping, pigging out on Pringles and watching the Italian Job for the thirtieth time) I just happened to be flicking through a Turkish cookbook when my eyes alighted on a recipe for mincemeat pides (Turkish pizza).  It was then that I experienced an after dinner cheese and port epiphany.  Yeah, it was definitely the cheese that did it.  Some kind of cave matured cheddar probably ripened with magic mushrooms in a darkened barn of a musty Dorset dairy bought at the Sturminster Newton cheese festival earlier in the year.  Potent it was and it got me thinking of Man vs Food.

Ever watched Adam Richman on Man vs Food?  He is the Moriarty to Slimming World’s Sherlock Holmes, promoting a global celebration of gluttony on national TV the likes of which have never been seen before.  Slimmers beware this man!  He’ll make you crave gooey cream covered pancakes and burgers that dwarf the Eiffel Tower.  Even channel hopping onto a Man vs Food episode should carry a heart attack warning.  

My specially made up pizza pies were so tasty they all got wolfed down before I could grab the camera but here’s the recipe in case you want to make some for dinner.

SPECIALLY MADE UP PIZZA PIE RECIPE

1lb plain flour

4 oz melted butter

1 sachet of yeast mixed with 2 teaspoons of sugar and 2 tablespoons of milk

2 eggs

1 teaspoon of salt

Quarter of a pint of milk

500 gms of fresh minced meat

1 finely chopped onion

1 teaspoon of lazy chopped garlic

Salt and pepper to flavour

Chopped fresh parsley

Jar of tomato pizza topping

Chopped pieces of chorizo

Pepperami slices

Sliced mushrooms

Sliced green peppers

Grated mozzarella cheese

Make up a batch of ‘pide’ dough as follows:

Put the flour into a bowl.  Make a well in the centre and pour in the melted butter, eggs, salt and yeast mixture.  Mix this together with enough milk to make a fairly solid dough but not too sticky or dry.  Put the bowl with the dough into a warm place to ‘prove’ for about 30-40 minutes.  I used a preheated oven but a nice warm airing cupboard would do.

When the dough has risen give this a good pummelling on a floury surface.  Melt some lard and grease the inside of your pie dishes.  I used 4 inch diameter metal cake tins instead of pie dishes, the kind that are about 1-2 inches high and can be bought in the 99p shop.  Roll out your dough until about 1 cm thick and use this to line your pie dish.

Next take about 500 gms of fresh minced meat.  Fry this in a dash of oil with a finely chopped onion, a teaspoon of lazy chopped garlic, a pinch of salt, pepper and some chopped fresh parsley.  If you want to add a bit of poke to your meat then sprinkle some chilli flakes into the mixture as you fry it.

To assemble the pizza pie, spread a generous dollop of the tomato pizza topping onto your dough base.  Cover this with a layer of the fried minced meat.  Sprinkle the chorizo bits, mushroom slices and green peppers on top.  Add a few slices of pepperami and any other ingredients that might take your fancy.  I thought anchovies but the other half put his foot down at this point.  Finally sprinkle a good handful of grated mozzarella on top and voila, your pizza pie is ready to cook.

Bake in the oven at 180C until cooked.  Roughly about half an hour or so but you’ll know when.  The cheese should be melted and the dough a light brown colour.  Carefully remove from the metal cake tins before serving.  

Adam Richman -  if you’re out there and happen to see this blog then a million thanks for the inspiration that created this mouth-watering pizza pie.  My slimming world diet went out the window but the plates were licked clean!

MORE ABOUT:

Man vs Food - http://www.travelchannel.com/tv-shows/man-v-food

Turkish Pide - http://www.giverecipe.com/turkish-pide-with-ground-beef.html

Sturminster Newton Cheese Festival - http://www.cheesefestival.co.uk/

DEATH OF A SPIDER

Warning!  This post contains references to toxic substances, violence and death which some readers may find disturbing.

Lethal weapon

Life is rarely fair or rosy.  You’ve only got to flick on the news to see the daily catalogue of atrocities inflicted by humans on other humans to realise that some people are worse than spiders.  (Pity, we can squish some of them!)  I guess I’m no exception as a self-confessed spider killer.

I’d been watching our spider’s web all of yesterday, trying to find its hidey hole in the plastic Southern Comfort optic on the kitchen window but nothing.  Spiders are far too smart to be caught unawares.  I wondered if it had some kind of spidey sixth sense or could read my evil thoughts.  Perhaps it had stumbled across my blog on the worldwide web and had read of its impending doom?  I knew I’d have to wait it out for the right moment.  This had become personal – it was a woman vs spider contest and I was not going to lose.

It died in a surprise chemical attack launched during the adverts of last night’s ‘Come Dine With Me’ episode.  Have you seen the one in Weston-Super-Mare with the incredibly loud woman who you’d never invite to dinner but is great for ratings?  I did like the look of the Black Rat casserole she dished up during her turn but twenty minutes of her larger-than-life antics put me in a murderous mood so I wandered into the kitchen for a cup of tea and the fly spray.

You can run, but you can't hide from me

I’d love to say I killed it humanely but I didn’t.  There were no last requests or final cigarettes prior to its ruthless execution.  A few, quick blasts and I’d created a toxic haze that only a super spider could have survived.  Even I choked on the fumes!  Cruelly, it probably died a horrible, lingering death, suffocating in a chemical cloud whilst I looked on feeling no remorse whatsoever. 

Alas, poor spider I knew him well

I only hope that if there are any spiders reading this blog, they can find it in their tiny hearts to forgive me for my hideous crime against spider-kind.  No doubt, in a parallel universe somewhere, a gigantic spider is blasting a mini me with spray and gloating as I suffer the same fate.

MORE ABOUT:

Spider superstitions - http://www.spiderzrule.com/superstitions.htm

Getting rid of spiders - http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rid-of-Spiders-in-the-House

TWO LEGS GOOD, EIGHT LEGS BAD

Ah how quickly that ‘just back from holiday’ feeling changes from euphoria to deflated balloon.  I’ve only been back 3 days and am already facing the countdown to Christmas, a host family inspection visit from Anglo Continental and the prospect of having to face up to the spider issue.  This last challenge is something I’ve tried to deny for the past couple of months but has now been thrust to the fore thanks to the impending inspection on Wednesday.

In my book, anything with eight legs is definitely not a good thing.  For starters, any creature that has 6 legs more than I do is to be pitied rather than admired.  Must be a nightmare shopping for trousers or tights!  If it lives in a web and dines on fat, juicy bluebottles then approach with caution and a rolled up newspaper I say.

At this time of year, I guess it’s pretty normal to find spiders creeping indoors when you’re not looking.  Most are just seeking a sheltered spot in which to sit out the winter.  Our spider appears to have moved in on a short term tenancy agreement.  The thing has spun an enormous web across the kitchen window on which it squats every night in defiance.  

Perhaps you think I am fussing too much over a poor, defenceless spider but if you saw the monster up close, I'm sure you'd also find it a disgustingly hideous creature.  OK, I’ll admit that at first I didn’t seem to mind it.  One of God’s creatures I told myself so the thought of squishing it seemed cruel but after several months, I can’t help feeling its taking the piss a bit.  Just how long do spiders live anyway?  And what sort of spider is this?  Could it be one of those false widows you hear about that give people nasty bites?  It certainly doesn’t look like your average black hairy scary sort of spider.  It’s shiny, brown in colour, doesn’t seem hairy and has most definitely out-stayed its welcome.

It's no good, you've got to go!

Secretly I had hoped it might have died whilst we were in Istanbul but no such luck. Now like a house-keeping Emperor Nero, I’m going to have to give it the thumbs up or down to settle its fate.   Imagine the horror on the Student Accommodation Officer’s face if she saw it on the window.  Oh the shame! 

There’s no getting round it, I’ve procrastinated long enough over the spider issue. I shall have to finally decide in the morning over a cup of tea on whether the spider gets its eviction orders or a blast of insecticide.  We shall see …

MORE ABOUT:

False widow spiders - http://wiki.britishspiders.org.uk/index.php5?title=False_Widow_Spiders

ISTANBUL - TOP HOLIDAY CHOICE FOR CATS

Sultans may have reigned in Istanbul in days of old but cats are the real rulers of this modern city.  There's a moggie everywhere you look.  Each tourist attraction we visited seemed to have its own resident cat.  Here's our gallery of those we spotted on our travels.

Corner shop cats

Hippodrome cat

Inside the Haghia Sophia cat

Pierre Loti teleferik cat

Shoe shine cats

Wooden house cat

Cafe cat

Sunshine cat

Park cats

Dolmabahce Palace cat

Little Haghia Sophia cats

Cat lady of Istanbul

Duck cat

Hey - I'm down here!

MORE ABOUT:

Istanbul's cats - http://www.legalnomads.com/2012/03/istanbul-cats.html

TURNING LEFT

So far, we’ve left the hotel each morning and turned right to amble up the hill towards the Hippodrome area but today our curiosity got the better of us and we decided to see what happened if we turned left. 

Our hotel - Serdivan Apart

Turning left led us into a not so touristy neighbourhood, full of back street cafes, corner shops and sunbathing cats.  

Turning left out of the front door

We caught a glimpse of some of the traditional wooden style Turkish houses, many of which appeared abandoned and in ruins.

Traditional Turkish houses made of wood

Eventually we came across the little Haghia Sophia, as the name suggests a much smaller version of its larger sister.  We weren’t able to see inside as it’s the Muslim festival of Eid Al-Adha so many things are closed for the next few days but we were still able to appreciate its decorative features from outside.

Little Haghia Sophia

Decorative motif inside the vaulted ceiling

Entrance to the Little Haghia Sophia

Having looped round the back of the Blue Mosque we headed off towards the Galata Tower and  Taksim Square  for a second tour of this modern part of town.

Galata Tower

I’ve noticed that there’s a distinct difference between this side of the river and the old town area where we are based.  For a start, the shops tend to be larger, modern clothing stores and popular international chains. 

Heading up towards Taksim Square 

Galatasaray - an area of Istanbul & one of its footie clubs

Unlike the quaint touristy Sultanahmet area, this part of town is bustling with a young, trendy kind of vibe where the traditional mixes with the modernity of a vibrant city.

You can never go hungry in Istanbul

Ice cream vendors 

MORE ABOUT:

Galata Tower - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galata_Tower

Taksim Square - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-23169879

Galatasaray - http://www.galatasaray.org/en/

BIZARRE BAZAAR

Istanbul itself is just one giant retail emporium.  All around there’s the constant cacophony of people buying or selling something, be it knock-off Adidas socks or leather jackets which the locals persistently entice you to buy as you amble leisurely around the cobbled streets.  Yesterday, I was offered a shoe-shine even though I was wearing open toed sandals!

One of the many gates of the Grand Bazaar

Inside the Grand Bazaar

Shop til you drop

I was thinking of getting a nice wood floor

What turned out to be a casual stroll across town soon became a buying frenzy as we were caught up in the throng around the Spice Market.  

So many shops, so little time!

Istanbul's pedestrian tide

The streets were swarming with people to the extent that you had to swim with the pedestrian tide or risk being crushed underfoot.  To look at someone’s wares you quickly stepped to one side, being careful to re-join the flow once you’d checked out their merchandise.  

Waiting for the Spice Market to open

Spice sellers

What's your best price?

It was bonkers but once you got over the intimidating crowds, it was fun bobbing and weaving from kerb to kerb, haggling over cheap trainers or leather wallets.

Thanks to the very generous sterling/lira exchange rate, I’ve bought my weight in Turkish delight, enough gaudy trinkets to sink the Bismark and more ceramic plates than I can eat my dinner on.  I only hope I can lug it all onto the plane for the return home.

MORE ABOUT:

Haggling - http://www.turkeytravelplanner.com/details/Shopping/HowToBargain.html

Grand Bazaar - http://www.grandbazaaristanbul.org/Grand_Bazaar_Istanbul.html

BOSPHORUS BOAT CRUISE I & II

We always like to include an excursion or two in our holidays and a boat cruise is a relaxing way to see a city from a different perspective.  The hotel had recommended a tour with a company called She so at 1 o’clock we were bundled into a mini bus full of grockles and off we went to board our boat. 

Horasan - our ship for this afternoon's cruise

After an hour of faffing about the busy back streets of Istanbul, the bus finally arrived at the dock.  We boarded the Horasun and for the next couple of hours sailed up the Bosphorus, first skirting the European coastline then coming back along the Asian side.

The Dolmabahce Palace viewed from the boat

Bosphorus Bridge

Economy Bosphorus cruise

Cormorants on marker buoy

Rumeli fortress

The Asian side of Turkey

Back on the bus for as short ride up to the Pierre Loti hill for a cable car ride.  You can really get a feel for the size of Istanbul from up here.

View from the top of the Teleferik

Waiting for the cable cars

Pierre Loti cable cars

Two pods with 8 people in each

You live and learn when on holiday particularly when it comes to excursions.  Sometimes it pays to book an organised tour as this takes away the hassle of doing it yourself and tour companies can often pull together a more comprehensive itinerary than you could.  However, having paid 180 TL (£60) for an afternoon out, I wondered whether the money could have been better spent especially as we did the same boat trip with Bogaz Tours for 24 TL (£8) this afternoon. 

Still, it was very pleasant sailing down the Bosphorus and on our second evening cruise, it was lovely seeing the sunset behind the city and the bridges all colourfully lit at night.

Bogaz Tours - leaving Galata Bridge at 6 pm

Dusk settles over Istanbul

Beautiful sunset over the Bosphorus

Bosphorus Bridge all lit at night

MORE ABOUT:

Bosphorus cruises - http://www.wittistanbul.com/magazine/what-bosphorus-cruise-tour-to-take-in-istanbul/

Pierre Loti - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Loti

Teleferik - http://www.istanbul.net.tr/istanbul-Ulasim/istanbul-Rayli-Sistemleri/eyup-piyer-loti-teleferik-hatti/18