Pots and Cans

Pots and Cans

Monday, November 29, 2021

BONGO

 Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!  Ah, it has!

 

Snow?  Where did that come from?

Woke up this morning to find a sprinkling of the white stuff was deposited across the garden in the night.  Can you believe it? 

 

Not deep or crisp and even

Snow is not what I ordered in the Black Friday sale.  Hang on a mo, can I actually say ‘Black Friday’ these days?  I’m not going to get lynched or cancelled by the Woke Brigade for using a racist term, am I?  After all this is a non-PC, non-woke blog so if you’re easily offended by us old school codgers and our outdated views on life then bog off – go and count lentils or look for unicorns or something.

 


Dial 999 for climate emergency

Unlike the unexpected snowfall, it came as no surprise to learn that a new lurgi variant has emerged and just in time for Christmas.  We’re calling it Bongo as ‘omicron’ is just too much of a mouthful and pretty meaningless.   Puss agrees.  Bongo from the Congo is far more descriptive than omicron. 

 

I'll agree with anything as long as it doesn't interrupt my cat nap

What I can’t understand is why this strain has been named after the fifteenth letter of the Greek alphabet.  Have there been ten other varieties I’ve missed whilst doing the laundry?    Or has that old adage ‘it’s all Greek to me’ been adopted by the World Health Organisation as their international viral naming convention?  We’ll never really know.

 

Omicron?  Should have called it 'Torti'

But in the meantime, it’s time to go make a snowman before topping up my Survivalist Pantry with Tena Lady, Walkers crisps, Vimto and corn plasters in case there’s a national shortage of these in the coming weeks.


Sign on my Survivalist Pantry door

Let it snow




Thursday, November 25, 2021

NEW KITCHEN EXTENSION

Boris is not the only one who is levelling up his kingdom, we are too but with a bulldozer!

Not one for wishing my days away but I’m super excited at the prospect of cracking on next year with phase II of our house refurb which will involve building a single storey rear extension on the back of the house to create an open plan kitchen diner. 

 

Before - existing area and kitchen window

After - view showing new extension


Now if you’re thinking I’m taking up trowel to learn brick laying then think again.  This is one of those times when you’ve got to leave it to the professionals and just pay the bills.  Building an extension is not something even I can bodge my way through and I wouldn’t want to either. 

I’m not going to bore you with the trials and tribulations of the extension planning and costing saga as it’s been nothing but a long slog from start to finish but let’s just say it’s ended up as an exercise in compromise.  Grand plans for a long extension across the back of the house scaled down to a mere 12 sq metres and even that is going to wipe out my savings pots.  Construction costs are very expensive so it’s important to manage your own expectations as well as the project planning.

To give you a rough idea of how much a small 3 m x 4 m single storey rear extension might cost you, allow a budget of between £30,000 to £50,000.  Forget Google’s cost indications of £2,000 to £2,500 per square metre as each building company appears to have their own unique way of arriving at an estimate, the likes of which are not to be revealed to us mere mortals.

 

What a 3 m x 4 m extension would look like

My cheapest quote came in at just under £28,000 not including electrics, plumbing or building inspection fees and my most expensive quote was just over £43,000 for everything excluding building inspection fees as these have to be paid for separately or internal decorating.  

Set aside a buffer fund for this type of project as you know that as soon the first brick is laid, there’ll be a whole host of unaccounted for issues that will arise like a multi-headed hydra for you to vanquish.  Things such as underpinning foundations, reinforcing or replacing lintels generally only come to light once construction has started and if the Building Inspector says it’s got to be done, you have no choice but to comply.  You’ll need a flexible, plastic friend to come to your aid. 

And having paid out all this dosh, expect to get just a finished shell of a building that’ll still need to be decorated from top to bottom.  Set aside a decorating fund to cover new flooring, lighting, radiators, coving, painting and furnishing.  

If you can, buy as much of your interior decorating or furnishing items in advance, when on sale or take advantage of those interest free deals that pop up.  I’ve already drawn up a shopping list the length of 3 football pitches ready for Black Friday, Christmas and the Boxing Day sales.  Vouchers are not a cop out, please make mine DIY ones. 

So, what’s the plan?  To end up with something that looks remotely like these diagrams, a single storey room added to the back of the existing kitchen which will become our dining room.

 

Garden space soon to become a dining room

Design blends in with existing building

The extension will be knocked through to create one room that flows through into the other.  I’d have loved to also make the new extension open out into the back garden with a set of fancy glass bi-fold doors leading out onto a paved patio but this is one of the compromises I’ve had to make due to the high cost of bi-folds. 

 

View of interior plan with extension

Instead, a set of French doors on the side wall will lead out onto a paved patio area and a large window will face the rear garden.  Not shown on these plans, a glass velux window in the flat roof will allow lots of natural daylight in to brighten up the room and not take too much light from the kitchen.

 

View showing new French doors

Of course, the kitchen will also need demolishing in the process and re-configured into an L shaped layout to allow for a connecting arch to be built between the two rooms.  More expense!  And a separate project on the ‘to do’ list.

 


Plan showing reconfigured kitchen

If all comes together successfully, I may not have a pension to retire on but I will have a lovely new kitchen diner.  Roll on May 2022.


Tuesday, November 09, 2021

DON'T GET CRABBY

Tree killer!  I can see the silent accusation in next door’s eyes as I put the green wheelie bin out containing the latest batch of branches lopped off from the crab apple tree in our back garden. 

 

Getting rid of the evidence

Bird killer!  I can see the silent accusation in the black beady eyes of the fat pigeon perched on the dormer mourning the loss of tasty red crab apples on which it’s been gorging for weeks.

 

I'm starving

Bug killer!  Well of course I can’t see the silent accusation because their eyes are too small but I’m sure they’re giving me evils too at being deprived of a nice woody home. 

It pains me to reach for the tree saw but sadly, progress is progress and the tree must go to make way for the new rear extension that’s soon to extend out from the kitchen.  Can’t have tree roots invading the new soakaway or foundations now, can we?

 

Sorry tree - you've got to go

Bit by bit, the tree is dwindling as we dispose of it branch by branch in a bid to save going down the tip (how lazy!).  Eventually only the trunk will remain then a stump that’ll need to be dug out.  Not volunteering for that job….

 

Another chunk cut off

To make it up to our feathered and crawly friends, I’ve planned to plant a pear tree in the border in springtime but in the meantime, I hope they’ll find it in their hearts to forgive me chopping down this once lovely tree.


Bye, bye old friend

I'll miss your lovely blossoms



Wednesday, November 03, 2021

MUSEUM OF THE MOON

The moon is not made of cheese, is not home to the Clangers and a cow certainly didn’t jump over it but somehow it did fit inside a cathedral, a feat that even the Almighty may have found a bit of a headache to achieve.

 

Mooning in church

Suspended above the alter at Chichester Cathedral is Luke Jerram’s fantastic ‘moon’, a 7m ethereal sphere depicting earth’s moon.  It’s stunning!

 

It only just fits

Shadowy patches across the surface

As you walk round the moon, you can clearly see the craters and dark shadows that pockmark the surface.

 

Like a giant ball of Aero chocolate

Or cheese?

In reality you would only ever see these things either from space or perhaps with a super powerful telescope but here we are admiring this model moon as up close and personal as you can ever hope to get to the real thing.

 

It's truly stunning to see

View from the choir stalls

Museum of the Moon is at Chichester’s Cathedral for another few weeks – I’ve already booked a return visit.


One giant leap for mankind