THE IT CROWD

Just turn it off and turn it back on again. Sound familiar? It’s that worn out cliche trotted out by all IT Departments when they can’t figure out what causing your computer chaos. Switch it off then hope for the best. That’s what I’m doing.

With the plasterer booked in to skim the lounge at the end of May, it’s time to re-connect the office tech gear into its new home in the finished office unit. What an unholy mess! There are cables, screens and gizmos everywhere. How does it all link up?

Any idea how this all fits together?

What I need is a cunning plan. Unlike the Tories, I have devised a proper plan that I’m sticking to and it’s not just some airy-fairy stuff like they make up on the spur of the moment. Apologies to any ‘airy-fairies’ out there, this phrase is not meant in a derogatory way but Google’s definition sums up the Tory plan perfectly – “if you describe someone’s ideas as airy-fairy, you are critical of them because you think the ideas are vague, impractical and unrealistic.” Yep, I think Google’s hit the Tory nail perfectly on the head!

Here’s the plan I prepared earlier although not on the back of a fag packet as that tiny Park Drive cigarette box I recently unearthed wouldn’t have been big enough for my technological mayhem.

Sketch out your IT plan to help re-connection

Of course, it’s all well and good drawing it out on a bit of paper where everything is easily and neatly connected by a pencilled line. It’s a different story when you have to rig it up in situ especially when you’ve got solid timber standing between one component and another.  The answer - Grommets. And holes. But where to put these?

Cable hole covers or computer desk grommets are just the thing to get round the issue of solid surfaces. Ebay to the rescue. Lots available in different diameters and colours.

I’ve gone for a chrome colour 60 mm diameter grommet to cover the hole in the desktop.

Desk cable hole covers/grommets

Remember to buy a diameter large enough to contain all the cables you need to feed through. A 60 mm diameter will cater for a surprising number of different sized wires as you can see from my spaghetti junction.

A proper spaghetti junction of wiring

I’m using smaller black 35 mm diameter grommets for the side holes in the wall units so that I can feed the printer and scanner cables from the sides down into the main desk grommet.

Smaller 35 mm diameter cable hole cover

Annoyingly when drilling the side holes, you really need 2 grommets one for each side of the hole especially in places where both sides can be seen. Since each grommet is around 12 mm deep then the question arises of what to do with the small visible rim left uncovered. I’ve painted this black but to finish the holes off properly, I’ve ordered more grommets which I can cut down to size and make fit.

Grommets for holes in the sides of shelf unit

Drilling round holes into timber or worktops requires a special drill bit which luckily the other half just happened to have.

Special drill bit to make holes

The worktop holes need drilling through from both sides due to the thickness of the material so care has to be taken to ensure both are correctly lined up.

Drill holes from both sides of the worktop

Now being somewhat of a tidy freak, I’d like to have all the cables neatly tucked away out of sight but it’s rarely the case in a home office set up. 

Too messy for my liking

Gaffer tape is a tidy girl’s best friend in these instances. Once everything is connected and you’ve figured out how much cable is surplus to requirements, this can be tidily taped up to the underside of the desk to keep it out of the way.

Another job for SuperGaffer

If you are using a docking station with a laptop instead of a desktop or tower computer, I did manage to find a very nifty mounting bracket on the Etsy website that allows you to suspend the dock under the desk. 

Under desk mounting bracket for docking stations

This two-piece bracket can also be screwed onto side panels as I have done here to allow easy connection of gadgets and it also means not having to sacrifice valuable work surface space.

Position docking station for easy access

To hide the unsightly wires trailing down from the WIFI router to the telephone socket, I’ve used black D-line trunking. 

D-Line self adhesive trunking

Now available in many colours from B&Q, this plastic trunking can be easily cut to size and has a self-adhesive strip on the back so that it can be stuck virtually anywhere. An 8mm sized piece will comfortably accommodate 3 slim wires but bigger sizes are also available.

D-Line trunking in many sizes and colours

After an hour or so of crawling around, bashing my bonce on the desktop and getting my gaffer knickers in a sticky knot I am ready to flick the ON switch. Fingers crossed it all works!!

I now declare this office offically open for WFH business

SUPER! SMASHING!

OMG! Don’t you just love smashing things up? Vandalism - It’s the best prescription for when you’re feeling a bit down in the dumps.

Today is Demolition Day. Three years surrounded by flaking plaster, open cable trenches and dirty great cracks is enough for anyone. It’s time to kickstart the lounge makeover beginning with the demolition of the existing library bookcase.

Solidly made of good hard wood from a bygone era when bookcases were built to last and not made from cheapy materials such as MDF or chipboard, it’s a great shame we can’t incorporate this shelving into our new design. Sadly, it’s out with the old and in with the new.

Ripping out the bookcase

What a smashing time I’ve had this afternoon ripping the thing apart. Bang, crash, wallop! I bet the old dear next door thought the roof was caving in from all the noise I was making. And talking of old dears… Rumour has it she’s putting her house on the market. Have our DIY antics driven her out? Har, har, har - I’m sure she’s sick and tired of the endless parade of tradespeople beating a path to our door since we moved here. Well, I know I am!

This bookcase certainly proved to be of much sturdier construction than I thought. Easy enough to unscrew the individual shelves but removing the sliding doors and remaining timbers needed muscle a wimpy old gal like me doesn’t have anymore.

Crikey!  Need to blow the doors off!

It’s funny how in order to destruct something you invariable have to figure out how its constructed in the first place. Closely studying how it’s all put together beforehand helped me take it apart bit by bit.

Like that couple in Lincoln who recently discovered a medieval relic during their bathroom refurbishment, I too came across a couple of interesting little finds although not quite as exciting as theirs.

Darling, there's a strange man under the bathroom floor

The first being a signature that looks like ‘Mr Gillian’. It was pencilled across one of the thick sturdy timber battens that made up the door frame. Who is this mystery person? Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, a lightbulb momentarily flickered into life. I’d seen that name before but where?

Who is this person and why did he sign this bit of wood?

Aha! I think this might be an answer to the mystery. ‘Mr Gillian’ could perhaps be Mr Gilliam one of the previous owners of this property mentioned in an old conveyancing document held with my deeds. 

Frank Norman Gilliam - Is this our man of mystery?

I’d love to think that a person who lived here before made this bookcase. There’s a strange sense of connection – I can almost see Mr Gilliam standing right where I am trying to work out what materials to use and where to position his shelves.

Second discovery was made when prising out the timber sections laid on top of the door frames. Tucked into a small corner, a rolled piece of thin card being used as a spacer to chock up the back of the wood. When unfolded, not a medieval relic of historical significance but an old fag packet.

Park Drive cigarette pack

Perhaps Mr Gilliam had just finished the last ciggie in the box and thought the pack would come in handy to help him level up his woodwork. Brilliant or Bodger? It’s amazing the paper hadn’t completely disintegrated after all these years.

Finally, the bookcase is reduced to a motley assortment of wooden debris ready for disposal.

All done

Ready for the tip

But in case you thought it was curtains for this lovely old piece of built in furniture, we’ve re-purposed the best of the planks to make more planters for the garden.

Old shelves make great planters

Future home for mangetout peas

The perfect planter

ARUNDEL CASTLE PLANT FAIR

Brrrr! It’s so chilly. It’s almost May yet colder than an arctic roll. Thank goodness there’s a log fire to keep the frostbite at bay.

Big woolly knickers that’s the answer. I never leave the house without mine. I’ve put on an extra posh pair befitting a visit to Arundel Castle, home of some Lord Snooty or other who probably burns fivers to keep warm. At least he has the good sense to enjoy gardening and has organised a plant fair for the great unwashed like me (too cold to bathe).

Arundel Castle

Clearly a popular event judging by the queue at the entrance gate. 

Plant fair popular with the locals

I expect many people have come to see the marvellous tulip displays recently featured on an episode of Gardeners World but we’ve just come for a mooch round the plant stalls.  There's always something that catches the eye which you rarely come across in garden centres and I've already spotted a couple of plants which might be making their way home with me.

Red tulips as far as the eye can see

I have camassia envy! Lord Snooty has planted swathes of the blue variety around his nature reserve and they look stunning. 

Gorgeous woodland display of camassias

More eye-catching than bluebells

Starry blue clusters of camassia flowers

Lovelier than your average bluebell wood, the elegant tall fronds provide a colourful repose for butterflies and ladybugs.

Lazy ladybirds enjoying the sunshine

And just look at this lovely butterfly

My yellow ticket camassia’s have returned this year albeit not in the quantities of Arundel but I’m hoping that with time they’ll all multiply at the back of the border.

Last year's garden centre bargains

I may not have a castle sized garden yet my borders are not looking too shabby thanks to all the rain we’ve had this year.

Side border exploding into life

The pieris is in flower, its beautiful fire red leaves adding a vibrant splash of colour against the grey fence.

Beautiful pieris in flower

All those alliums I planted way back in the autumn are also on the point of flowering so we’ll have a random smattering of purple globes rising above the greenery. I can’t wait to see them!

Alliums getting ready to flower

While we wait for the alliums to flower, I'll leave you with a few more snaps of the lovely Arundel Castle nature reserve. 

Wish I could have a pond like this

Nesting swans prevented us from walking all the way round

Not sure what this tree is but it looked lovely with its lilac flowers

Gunnera manicata plant also known as Brazilian giant rhubarb

HOME OFFICE ASSEMBLY

With my seedlings growing happily in our sunny extension, it’s time to get our arses in gear for the next phase of the home office project.

The decks are cleared, the room is now fully decorated and all is ship-shaped and Bristol fashioned. Aaarrr, me DIY hearties – time to set sail once more across the ocean of furniture fitting.

Decorated room ready for unit assembly

Step one - shove all of the base cabinets into position under the desktop then work out how to fix the spacer panels firmly in place between each unit. 

Base units to go under the desk top

After a lot of head-scratching, we decided to use small right-angled brackets affixed to the desk support batten since we couldn’t attach them to the wall or skirting board because they didn’t go that far back.

Anchoring side panel to the batten with bracket

Fitting spacer and panel to the end wall

Base units nicely separated with black panels, now repeat on other side.

Nice snug fit

Step two - position all the tall units carefully trying not to scratch the worktop surface in the process.

Now for the top half

Each tall unit has been secured to the wall using a heavy-duty angled bracket which should prevent it from toppling forward under the weight of anything placed on the shelves. Metal jointing plates have been used to stop the individual units from gaping apart. This isn’t pretty but as it can’t be seen then no problem. These units are not going to move and that’s the main thing.

You can always hide these by fitting a cornice to the top of the units

All was going swimmingly until the point when the bridging unit had to be slotted in the middle. Unlike my bank balance, the thing had mysteriously swelled in size overnight – there was no way on earth to force it between the tall units. Aahhh! These things are sent to try us!

Oh no!  The bridging unit is too big for the gap

In the end after much swearing, a gallon of tea and a good cry, we had no option but to completely rebuild the thing shaving about 3mm off each panel to make it fit the gap. One thing is certain, I definitely don't have the patience for furniture building – next time I’m getting the carpenter back in!

Bloody thing fits at last!

Unbelievably what I thought would be a quick assembly job took an entire day. The home office unit is now fully assembled but that’s not the end of the story as there’s still the tech to install and a million other snaggy bits to finish before it can be officially declared open for WFH business.

Not bad for a home made effort