Pots and Cans

Pots and Cans

Thursday, December 23, 2021

WHILE SHEPHERDS WASHED

Dear readers, it’s hard to believe that Christmas has rolled round again ending what can only be described as another pretty shit year.  

Wait, is that carol singers I hear in the distance?  What’s that they’re singing?  Ah, it’s 2021’s newest Christmas carol which goes something like this:

 

While shepherds washed their socks by night,

No heating from the ground,

The angel’s car had broken down,

No charger to be found.

 

Fear not said he/she/it for mighty dread

Had seized their smartphone addled minds

Just how to pay their energy bills

Had put them in a bind.

 

Go you to Boris’s town this day

Reached by the HS2 line (except Leeds)

White elephant of social care

Paid by increased N.I.

 

The heavenly babe you there shall find,

All fake nose and fake tits

Its gender has been re-assigned

Tax payer funded bits

 

Thus spoke the sheriff and forthwith

Appeared a blue clad throng

To shove protesters off the road,

Keep traffic moving on

 

Oh glory be for cod and chips

As turkey’s so old hat

Here’s to enormous credit card bills

From buying loads of tat


Merry Christmas everyone!





Tuesday, December 21, 2021

BASE - THE FINAL FRONTIER

After months of patiently waiting, the day of concrete reckoning has arrived at last.  It’s base – the final frontier, the place where our new shed will eventually be installed.

 

Preparing the shed base

Unlike Angel in her fancy French chateau, I don’t have the luxury of having a dedicated craft room neatly tucked away in the loft and yet I do have mountains of wool, felt, beads and craft display equipment that all desperately needs a home. 

As the other half has bagsied the garage for his motor racing, beer store man cave then I’ve got my sights firmly set on making this new edifice part of my knitting emporium.  Yes, I’ve got plans!

 

All set for shed delivery

Shed will be 8ft x 6ft - big enough for my craft stuff

Meanwhile as we wait for our new shed scheduled to arrive in February 2022, a little trip round Kent to make up for the lack of holiday this year. 

Kent appears to be famous for 3 things: 

  • ·       Illegal migrant crossings
  • ·       Windfarms
  • ·       Having a Covid variant named after it


No shortage of wind in Kent

There are plenty of windswept beaches or white cliffs to explore and at this time of year, it’s all pretty much grockle free as let’s face it, everyone else is too preoccupied with looking for the best deals on turkeys, avoiding the lurgi or attending those all-important business meetings (minus cheese and wine) than searching for blue birds around Dover.  Nope haven’t seen any.  Vera Lynn clearly made it all up to get attention. 

Here's my Kentish top 10 holiday photos:

Canterbury canals

Friendly lot in Canterbury

Interesting architecture

Herne Bay

Margate - Got any 2ps to spare?

Very festive Ramsgate harbour

Botany Bay near Broadstairs

Dickens Museum - Broadstairs

St Margarets Bay near Dover

Dover Castle


Likely to return in the new year to spend some long weekends exploring Canterbury or Ramsgate which looked worthy of a bit more attention but in the meantime, I've got some important office meetings to attend to.

 

Monday, December 13, 2021

MERRY SCRIMBO!

Leaving my Bongo obsession aside, how the hell am I going to afford Crimbo this year?  

Making table crackers out of loo roll middles or wrapping gifts in newspaper is hardly going to save me a small fortune but now that the plastic glove has been thrown down, I’m rising to the super scrimper challenge on how to finance the festive season with just a few farthings. 


Know any good jokes?

Winner, winner – chicken dinner!  And why not?  Turkey is so old hat.  The cheapest bird I’ve spotted in supermarket freezers this year will set you back around £12 to £15 and to be honest, there’s more meat on next door’s cat. 

A fat chicken is cheaper and often tastier than turkey.  If you can’t cook, that KFC gravy bucket advertised on telly could easily be spruced up with a few sprouts and a couple of Yorkshire puddings for a tempting treat.  


All I want for Christmas is you


Super scrimpers like us will be tucking into a delicious slow cooked venison casserole (£5 for 500g bag) accompanied by a selection of yellow ticket veg, discounted new potatoes washed down with a few glasses of bargain bucket booze.  I’ve been stockpiling discount wine for months.  What a saddo!

 

A very cheap vintage

Cheap as chips

Dessert is also straight out of the dumpster diver’s cookbook – fruit pavlova.  Meringues can be made weeks in advance so you can take advantage of cut-price eggs.  Keep in an air tight tin or if it’s a big one, just store in a carrier bag to stop it getting dusty until it’s needed.  I’ve already got a box of homemade lemon flavoured ice cream in the freezer that I prepared a few weeks ago and will be scouting for yellow ticket cream and fresh fruit to fill my pavlova nearer to Christmas Eve.

 

Bargain meringues can be made in advance

Keeping dust off the pavlova


Living near a blue Co-op?  Get yourself a blue Co-op card or sign up to their app as I’ve discovered a nifty little discount to save on shopping.  Every week, you can get a pound or more off your shopping basket by activating the latest Co-op offers.  Every week, I buy one tinned or boxed item off my Crimbo food shopping list which is then paid for using the £1 off your shop offer.  In this way, I’ve been systematically picking up bits and pieces for my festive feast and it’s only cost me pennies.  This is super scrimping at its best – all you need is patience and to remember to activate the offer on your card each Monday.

 

Happy Mondays for a new deal

It's not all penny pinching, I’ll have you know.  I have splashed out on a lovely selection of gifts for everyone but again using every discount card, loyalty points or cashback scheme on the planet.  There’s no shame in being a ‘voucher’ person or looking for presents in charity shops as you can often find some fabulous items that can be transformed into surprises for those you love.  Luckily, being quite a crafty and creative person then I can always resort to handcrafting gifts although you need to be clever when sourcing your materials as sometimes this can work out more expensive than online shopping. 

For example - I recently made a lovely personalised hand decorated picture frame by painting a wooden one I found in our local hospice shop (£1) in a bright Christmassy red then jazzed it up with some stick-on snowflakes and glitter glue from The Range.  The frame contained a printed quote from the recipient’s favourite author which I rustled up on the home PC.  A unique gift made with love at a fraction of the price of a shop bought one.

 

Knit your own Weasley jumper

If you're a dab hand with the knitting needles, a Weasley jumper is bound to be a big hit for any Potter fans.  I made this one for under £20 by adapting a crew neck jumper pattern.

With a bit of discipline and advance planning, it’s possible to have a fabulously cheap Christmas as long as you stick to your shopping lists and budget.  Forget keeping up with the Joneses or being suckered in by fancy phones or gadgets you really don’t need – be strict and curb impulses to splash out on unnecessary stuff or fripperies.  Believe me, you’ll be thankful for not starting off the new year with a heap of debt.  

Merry Scrimbo everyone!


Wednesday, December 08, 2021

OMG! ANOTHER COVID CRIMBO

It’s beginning to look a lot like Covid …  I'm having a strange sense of deja-vu ...

Ok so who ordered a side of omicron with their turkey dinner?  Somebody did at our girlie night out the other week and now the office has turned into an episode of Shaun of the Dead where everyone is barricaded behind their plastic screened desks giving everyone else a very wide berth in case they turn into a brain-eating, germ spreading corona-zombie. 


Merry Covid!

This is what happens when those who live with the infectious but test negative themselves think it’s OK to continue to mingle in society.  

Did they not stop to think that having shared a toilet, towel or tea break with their contagious co-habitor there’d be the slightest chance that they would eventually succumb to the lurgi?  Nope, they just carried on regardless until a week later they too tested positive because let’s face it, lateral flow tests only really register anything once you’ve got full blown Covid and by then its too late, you've hugged granny or flirted outrageously with the checkout guy at the Tesco Express.

On YouTube some bright spark has posted that omicron is an anagram for ‘no crimbo’ but with a stretch of the imagination, you can also get Mi Con Bor(is) out of it too. Read into that what you will.  What a hoot! 

So, in the words of Santa – it’s Ho, Ho, Ho – lateral flow before you go if you want to enjoy Crimbo safely this year.


Where's the party?


Monday, November 29, 2021

BONGO

 Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!  Ah, it has!

 

Snow?  Where did that come from?

Woke up this morning to find a sprinkling of the white stuff was deposited across the garden in the night.  Can you believe it? 

 

Not deep or crisp and even

Snow is not what I ordered in the Black Friday sale.  Hang on a mo, can I actually say ‘Black Friday’ these days?  I’m not going to get lynched or cancelled by the Woke Brigade for using a racist term, am I?  After all this is a non-PC, non-woke blog so if you’re easily offended by us old school codgers and our outdated views on life then bog off – go and count lentils or look for unicorns or something.

 


Dial 999 for climate emergency

Unlike the unexpected snowfall, it came as no surprise to learn that a new lurgi variant has emerged and just in time for Christmas.  We’re calling it Bongo as ‘omicron’ is just too much of a mouthful and pretty meaningless.   Puss agrees.  Bongo from the Congo is far more descriptive than omicron. 

 

I'll agree with anything as long as it doesn't interrupt my cat nap

What I can’t understand is why this strain has been named after the fifteenth letter of the Greek alphabet.  Have there been ten other varieties I’ve missed whilst doing the laundry?    Or has that old adage ‘it’s all Greek to me’ been adopted by the World Health Organisation as their international viral naming convention?  We’ll never really know.

 

Omicron?  Should have called it 'Torti'

But in the meantime, it’s time to go make a snowman before topping up my Survivalist Pantry with Tena Lady, Walkers crisps, Vimto and corn plasters in case there’s a national shortage of these in the coming weeks.


Sign on my Survivalist Pantry door

Let it snow




Thursday, November 25, 2021

NEW KITCHEN EXTENSION

Boris is not the only one who is levelling up his kingdom, we are too but with a bulldozer!

Not one for wishing my days away but I’m super excited at the prospect of cracking on next year with phase II of our house refurb which will involve building a single storey rear extension on the back of the house to create an open plan kitchen diner. 

 

Before - existing area and kitchen window

After - view showing new extension


Now if you’re thinking I’m taking up trowel to learn brick laying then think again.  This is one of those times when you’ve got to leave it to the professionals and just pay the bills.  Building an extension is not something even I can bodge my way through and I wouldn’t want to either. 

I’m not going to bore you with the trials and tribulations of the extension planning and costing saga as it’s been nothing but a long slog from start to finish but let’s just say it’s ended up as an exercise in compromise.  Grand plans for a long extension across the back of the house scaled down to a mere 12 sq metres and even that is going to wipe out my savings pots.  Construction costs are very expensive so it’s important to manage your own expectations as well as the project planning.

To give you a rough idea of how much a small 3 m x 4 m single storey rear extension might cost you, allow a budget of between £30,000 to £50,000.  Forget Google’s cost indications of £2,000 to £2,500 per square metre as each building company appears to have their own unique way of arriving at an estimate, the likes of which are not to be revealed to us mere mortals.

 

What a 3 m x 4 m extension would look like

My cheapest quote came in at just under £28,000 not including electrics, plumbing or building inspection fees and my most expensive quote was just over £43,000 for everything excluding building inspection fees as these have to be paid for separately or internal decorating.  

Set aside a buffer fund for this type of project as you know that as soon the first brick is laid, there’ll be a whole host of unaccounted for issues that will arise like a multi-headed hydra for you to vanquish.  Things such as underpinning foundations, reinforcing or replacing lintels generally only come to light once construction has started and if the Building Inspector says it’s got to be done, you have no choice but to comply.  You’ll need a flexible, plastic friend to come to your aid. 

And having paid out all this dosh, expect to get just a finished shell of a building that’ll still need to be decorated from top to bottom.  Set aside a decorating fund to cover new flooring, lighting, radiators, coving, painting and furnishing.  

If you can, buy as much of your interior decorating or furnishing items in advance, when on sale or take advantage of those interest free deals that pop up.  I’ve already drawn up a shopping list the length of 3 football pitches ready for Black Friday, Christmas and the Boxing Day sales.  Vouchers are not a cop out, please make mine DIY ones. 

So, what’s the plan?  To end up with something that looks remotely like these diagrams, a single storey room added to the back of the existing kitchen which will become our dining room.

 

Garden space soon to become a dining room

Design blends in with existing building

The extension will be knocked through to create one room that flows through into the other.  I’d have loved to also make the new extension open out into the back garden with a set of fancy glass bi-fold doors leading out onto a paved patio but this is one of the compromises I’ve had to make due to the high cost of bi-folds. 

 

View of interior plan with extension

Instead, a set of French doors on the side wall will lead out onto a paved patio area and a large window will face the rear garden.  Not shown on these plans, a glass velux window in the flat roof will allow lots of natural daylight in to brighten up the room and not take too much light from the kitchen.

 

View showing new French doors

Of course, the kitchen will also need demolishing in the process and re-configured into an L shaped layout to allow for a connecting arch to be built between the two rooms.  More expense!  And a separate project on the ‘to do’ list.

 


Plan showing reconfigured kitchen

If all comes together successfully, I may not have a pension to retire on but I will have a lovely new kitchen diner.  Roll on May 2022.


Tuesday, November 09, 2021

DON'T GET CRABBY

Tree killer!  I can see the silent accusation in next door’s eyes as I put the green wheelie bin out containing the latest batch of branches lopped off from the crab apple tree in our back garden. 

 

Getting rid of the evidence

Bird killer!  I can see the silent accusation in the black beady eyes of the fat pigeon perched on the dormer mourning the loss of tasty red crab apples on which it’s been gorging for weeks.

 

I'm starving

Bug killer!  Well of course I can’t see the silent accusation because their eyes are too small but I’m sure they’re giving me evils too at being deprived of a nice woody home. 

It pains me to reach for the tree saw but sadly, progress is progress and the tree must go to make way for the new rear extension that’s soon to extend out from the kitchen.  Can’t have tree roots invading the new soakaway or foundations now, can we?

 

Sorry tree - you've got to go

Bit by bit, the tree is dwindling as we dispose of it branch by branch in a bid to save going down the tip (how lazy!).  Eventually only the trunk will remain then a stump that’ll need to be dug out.  Not volunteering for that job….

 

Another chunk cut off

To make it up to our feathered and crawly friends, I’ve planned to plant a pear tree in the border in springtime but in the meantime, I hope they’ll find it in their hearts to forgive me chopping down this once lovely tree.


Bye, bye old friend

I'll miss your lovely blossoms



Wednesday, November 03, 2021

MUSEUM OF THE MOON

The moon is not made of cheese, is not home to the Clangers and a cow certainly didn’t jump over it but somehow it did fit inside a cathedral, a feat that even the Almighty may have found a bit of a headache to achieve.

 

Mooning in church

Suspended above the alter at Chichester Cathedral is Luke Jerram’s fantastic ‘moon’, a 7m ethereal sphere depicting earth’s moon.  It’s stunning!

 

It only just fits

Shadowy patches across the surface

As you walk round the moon, you can clearly see the craters and dark shadows that pockmark the surface.

 

Like a giant ball of Aero chocolate

Or cheese?

In reality you would only ever see these things either from space or perhaps with a super powerful telescope but here we are admiring this model moon as up close and personal as you can ever hope to get to the real thing.

 

It's truly stunning to see

View from the choir stalls

Museum of the Moon is at Chichester’s Cathedral for another few weeks – I’ve already booked a return visit.


One giant leap for mankind