THE KNITIVITY

Long ago in a Biblical galaxy far far away, a wonderous woolly story was about to unfold. 

Shepherds were watching their flocks by night when suddenly the angel of the Lord appeared (minus chocolate orange filling)

 

Whilst shepherds watched their flocks by night

The angel of the Lord appeared and glory shone around

(Angelic host music) - ‘Behold I bring you glad tidings’ etc etc  ‘Today in David’s town is born a saviour, wrapped in swaddling clothes in a manger.   You’ll find him in a stable so off you pop’. 

Bethlehem - quite close to Gaza strip

The shepherds gathered their sheep and made their way to Bethlehem during a temporary ceasefire to look for a non-bombed out stable containing a special baby.

 

Are we there yet?

Meanwhile in another part of the Orient, three kings bearing e-vouchers for gifts of gold, myrrh and frankincense had also received the same angelic Insta message. 

 

We three kings of Orient are

They saw a bright light shining in the east and wondered if it was indeed a celestial body or the National Grid exploding from over-charging of electrical gadgets?  Satisfied with the scientific findings that most of Israel was clear of Covid, they too made their way to Bethlehem. 

 

Star of wonder, star of night

Once in royal David’s city they stumbled across a stable using Google maps where a mother had laid her baby in a lowly cattle shed for no other Airbnb accommodation could be found.

 

Holy infant so tender and mild

It was a silent night for not a peep could be heard so the three kings knelt humbly before a very Hagrid looking Joseph and his wife Mary to present their gifts to baby Jesus.

 

Sleep in heavenly peace

Caspar, Melchior and Balthasar - the Magi

Glory to God in the highest and peace to all people on earth.

 

The Knitivity

And so, once again the wondrous story of The Knitivity according to the Woolly Gospel (unpublished) is told.  

Merry Christmas!

 

SCROOGEMAS!

And this year’s prestigious Scroogemas Award goes to (drum roll) ….  The Kinnerton Peppa Pig advent calendar.

 

Winner of the Scroogemas Award

If you’re on a festive diet or want to avoid dental fillings then look no further than this wonderful piggy themed advent calendar, fully endorsed by the Obesity Police, it’s designed to give you the smallest sliver of chocolate every day so that you feel like you’re indulging in the usual Christmas naughtiness but without the calories. 

No need to rush down the stairs every day, fighting off the other half for the honour of opening the special door as behind each one there’s a chocolate figurine the size of a fingernail.  To give you a better visual idea of how large your daily surprise is, here’s a photo showing some of the chocolates against my Gabapentin capsule. 

 

Smaller than the recent cut to NI contributions

Yep, there’s more substance in the cardboard packaging than in all 25 chocolates! 

Is it me or do you remember a time when advent calendars contained all sorts of larger delicious goodies behind each door that were worth fighting for?  Clearly those times are long gone thanks to shrinkflation and Scroogish corporate greed.

 

Not an advent calendar by Mark Parisi

I’m saving up all my special bits of daily chocolate until the 25^th to stuff in my mouth all at once so that it feels like I’ve actually munched on a proper Crimbo bit of naughtiness. 

Bring on the turkey!