ZERO VAT ON ELECTRICITY BILLS

There’s one thing that our new Prime Minister and I have in common and that’s our loathing of Thatcherism. (Mouthwash me!).

Privatisation of all our utilities was the worst thing that could have happened to the UK but what I’d really like to know is this – what happened to all the money raised from the sale of these industries to private companies/investors?  What did Thatcher do with it?

Andy Pandy’s gone top of the league by starting his premiership with a few gimmicky bones thrown to dogs in a bid to garner popularity with the masses. My eye’s lit up to see the headline ‘VAT to be cut on household energy bills’. This headline now appears to have been specifically updated to include the word ‘electricity’ in the title.

Marvellous! Just what we all need to help with the rising cost of living, no VAT on our leccy bills. Fandabbydozy!

The devil’s in the detail though. Buried in the not-so-small print is that this priceless gift will only apply for a 6-month period from October 2026 to March 2027 and not forever. I suspect that war in the Middle East and its impact on future energy supplies could well scupper this policy but we’ll see. For now, let’s rejoice in that few extra quid.

Being the sad number-cruncher that I am, I wanted to quantify this potential monetary saving so I dug out all my previous energy bills covering the period October 25 to March 26 to see how much VAT I’d been charged in the past on my electricity during the same time period.

Wow! A grand total of just over £14 historically paid. Only that much VAT? Hmmmm. Such a paltry saving is not really going to make a dent in filling my cost-of-living pot-hole is it?

Let’s not look too closely in the mouth of this gift horse but instead re-focus on the positives ie what you could do with an extra £14 in your purse. Fourteen pounds would get you any one of the following:

• 8 pints of milk @ £1.65 per bottle
• 8 litres of diesel @ £1.65 per litre
• 7 x £2 bus trips
• 5 pints of Stowford Press cider at Wetherspoons (£2.39 per pint)
• 1 x £11 cinema ticket at the New Park cinema
• 2 x All-you-can-eat breakfasts at Toby Carvery (£6.99 each)
• 12 hours of parking in town (£10) and possibly enough change for a cuppa
• 3 x multipacks of Cornetto at Tesco (£3.75 per box)
• 28 x toilet rolls (Tesco pack of 4 luxury soft rolls at £2 per pack)
• 12 x Light bulbs (Amazon £1.14 per bulb)
• 2 x boxes of AnuSol soothing ointment for haemorrhoids (Boots £4.90 per tube)

That reduction on my energy bills is going to make one heck of a difference to my already pared back lifestyle but I’m not complaining because not having VAT applied to any bill is one less tax to pay and I’m all for not paying taxes.

SSES - SMART SECURE ELECTRICITY SYSTEMS

Imagine you’re watching your favourite soap opera on the telly, it’s just about to get to that nail-biting climax when PFFFT! Your TV has unexpectedly switched off. Not by you but by unseen fingers…

You’re relaxing in a nice hot shower, luxuriating under a torrent of deliciously warm water after a hard day’s work. You’ve primed up the loofah with a squirt of jasmine scented shower gel ready to give your aching limbs a good scrubbing when AAAHHHH! That nice jet of hot water suddenly becomes an ice-cold dribble.

But I never touched the controls…

Fast forward a few months. It’s the coldest winter since 1963. Even the tortoise is sleeping under a fleecy blanket. You’re wearing a Sherpa grade 10 tog padded cardigan but still chilled to the bone. There’s an ice floe developing on the surface of your cuppa. I’ll just pop the heating on for a few minutes to take the edge off when ZZZZZTTTT! You turn the thermostat dial but nothing happens…

Welcome to the SSES world! Smart Secure Electricity Systems – the latest tool in the oppressor’s arsenal. This is what's triggered my spidey-sense into shock mode.

Behold a new world of smart gadgetry. Every electrically powered item you own is now a ‘smart’ gizmo not only connected to the internet but with the capability of being remotely controlled. Not by you but by someone else. Probably your energy supplier. Or some other Big Brother type entity specifically set up by the Government to become the Kilowatt Kontroller.

Unbeknown to most of us, a series of consultations has been taking place on the Q T since 2024 on this new world order. The driving force something described in the consultation document as ‘Consumer Lead Flexibility’ or CLF.

What bollocks! There’s no ‘flexibility’ about having human behaviour manipulated so that people are forced to change the way they act which is exactly what’s happened since the energy sector was made to introduce Time of Use Tariffs. The powers that be have contrived to funnel us down this hole for some time now and succeeded due to the gullibility/greediness of human nature.

If you think the Crazy Chi Lady has been eating too many magic mushrooms, you can read the consultation documents yourself via these links:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6808a2630324470d6a394eb2/SSES-consultation-response.pdf

https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/delivering-a-smart-and-secure-electricity-system-implementation

But the nub of it is that to save the Government having to spend vast amounts of cash upgrading the existing energy infrastructure, all future electrical appliances available for punters to buy will be ‘smart’ appliances meaning that they’ll come with internet connectivity that can then be remotely controlled if need be.

SSES will begin with a limited roll-out encompassing only heat pumps or hot water systems but believe me once the Kilowatt Kontroller (KK) demonstrates how effective a remote-controlled energy supply is then what’s to stop this approach being extended to every single power consuming gadget in a household?

There won’t be a need for expensive upgrades to the National Grid because when it looks like demand for power is inching closer to ground zero, the KK can simply dial down the nation’s consumption by adjusting thermostats or capping the amount of energy a household can consume.

The reality is that you don’t even need any WIFI gadgets for this to happen because energy providers have already got the capability of altering your power supply through smart meters. They could if they really wanted to, switch off your energy at source by turning it off at the meter remotely. One of the key reasons why I’ve resisted having one installed in the first place. ‘Oh, I thought that was just your usual paranoia’ mutters the other half from behind his own laptop screen.

Somewhere in the document it goes on to say that households will be given the opportunity to ‘opt in’ to the SSES regime and be rewarded for it in the form of discounted energy bills. Ha, ha, ha. What tosh! Do you think that if there’s a national power emergency, the Grid are going to ascertain who has opted in or not before flicking the OFF switch? Of course not.

I may be over-reacting (you are) but do I really want to live in a world where I’m forced to buy a product that is not totally within my control? That could be infiltrated without my knowledge without so much as a by-your-leave? A world where I am deprived of the freedom of choice? Where my right to heat my own home when I want and for as long as I want is snatched away? Well, I don’t!

I’m sorry but if this isn’t a Big Brother approach then what is? I’m certainly not buying any gadgets that can be remotely controlled by anyone because if that is not a form of oppression then I don’t know what is.

Muse summed up this scenario perfectly in verse 2 of their song ‘Uprising’

Another promise, another seed
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined

THEY WILL NOT CONTROL US

POWER GRAB

OMG! The power grab has begun!

Whilst the world’s attention is focussed on Andy Pandy’s triumphant march into No 10 or Spain’s glorious World Cup win, it’s another front-page nugget that’s got my mind racing. Big Brother is coming for your heat pumps!!!

Front page - The Telegraph 20 July 26

I feel like Crazy Charlie from that apocalyptic disaster movie ‘2012’ – he’s that fabulously deranged character living in a dilapidated camper van whose mad ravings about the end of the world have fallen on deaf ears. Only John Cusack realises that maybe Crazy Charlie isn’t so crazy after all and is making a point worth listening to.

Crazy Charlie - 2012

I’m Crazy Chi Lady. I’ve been trying to warn you all about the remote access capability of your energy systems on this blog and how easy it would be for suppliers to steal your power using smart meters or other smart internet gadgets. I suspect my demented ravings have just been dismissed as populist paranoia but now I fear, it may be too late for some of you.

Unlike Crazy Charlie, I have about 4 followers on this blog and no personal radio channel so it’s a little bit harder to get the message out there but as always, I’m not letting these minor shortcomings stand in the way of getting the word out.

Electricity rationing. I said it about 6 weeks ago (Leccy Rationing post) and I’ll say it again – they are going to control your power supply. Invisibly. Via your smart meters or other connected internet devices. There will be NOTHING you can do to stop them. Only those who are NOT connected to the grid via one of these devices will be spared initially.

I say initially because ultimately, if the Grid doesn’t get its shit together then it will just shut down completely causing major power outages across the nation so we'll all be buggered.

Power blackouts = no internet. No smartphones. No social media. No access to news. No tea (unless you’ve got a gas hob). Nothing. Just blackness. And silence. Enjoy The Silence said Depeche Mode. Yes, enjoy it because the quicker we shut out all this cyber noise, the faster we’ll be able to engage brains to survive the cold.

It will begin with heat pumps. Big Brother will sneakily turn down your thermostat a notch or two, not enough to cause icicle formation but you might feel a slight nip in the air when you leave a room to go to the toilet. Then AI will decide how long your heating will run for. Snooty rich Southerners more likely to get less heating time than poor, deprived Northerners who lack the benefit of warm sea currents to take the edge off cold weather.

From heat pumps, central control will then spread to solar systems especially those with battery storage. There’ll be no cheap overnight charging for you. Hope you’ve got a good pair of sturdy walking boots in the cupboard for when you have to hike miles to work because EV charging has been rationed.

The article states that Britain’s electricity supply typically comes under the most strain during winter cold snaps. No shit Sherlock. Remind me, what is it climate scientists have been repeating till the cows come home? Hotter summers – colder winters. COLDER. Extended cold spells possibly the result of La Nina, the chillier ying to the sweltering El Nino yang are more than likely given the natural patterns of planetary weather.

So, if COLDER weather might become the new normal then it follows that demand for heating is going to increase. Since the Government have done nothing but persuade us all to electrify our lives then they should have long ago anticipated that MORE power will need to be generated to satisfy the population’s needs. Of course, they probably haven’t done so because instead of ensuring that back up power plants are in place, they will take their usual approach which is to BAN or RESTRICT the use of the underlying resource.

I’ll leave it there because there’s a third thing in this article that’s rendered me speechless. It’s something I find so shocking that I’m off for a walk round the garden to calm my frayed nerves.

What has caused me to clam up like a cockle? You’ll just have to wait until the next post to find out.

WORLD CUP CHICKEN

It’s staying home, it’s staying, chicken’s staying home…

We’re not a competitive family. Well, not that much. Let’s just say there’s a strong desire in all of us to be winners, not losers so whenever there’s any kind of competition, pub quiz, sporting event, etc then naturally everyone goes all out to be top of the heap.

The World Cup tournament is no exception. When it comes to footie, there are long-standing family traditions to abide by namely the winning of the World Cup Chicken.

Three wings on a shirt, Chicken cup still gleaming…

The World Cup Chicken Trophy

This trophy almost as prestigious as the real one resides at the front of our cocktail cabinet, emerging every four years for the family footie sweepstake.

I can’t even recall how I acquired the thing – probably scooped up on some bygone charity shop shopping trip but even with its badly hand-painted exterior, beady eyes and random gold spots, it is a thing of beauty. It’s also the perfect repository for our pound coins, entry fee and prize money for our sweepstake. Due to inflation, each coin now acts as a token fiver as that’s what the winner receives from each participating family member.

Place your bets

Teams are drawn totally at random, names written on scraps of paper pulled from a Tupperware container that’s ceremoniously passed round in a flurry of laughing and much larking around. Even at this stage, competitive banter abounds as teams as loudly cheered or booed before being hastily jotted down then officially circulated on a spreadsheet to prevent any allegations of cheating or corruption.

The draw

Once drawn, that’s your footballing lot. No selling or swapping of teams with other family members is permitted. Your destiny or path to lifting the Chicken is completely in the lap of the Gods or rather the numpties on the pitch.

But it doesn’t end there as someone’s got to update the spreadsheet. Guess who? It’s the person with the least interest in football but who loves tinkering with spreadsheets and has nothing better to do since leaving the rat race. I’ll have you know, I take this job very seriously. I may not watch any of the games but believe me, rigorous checking of results follows.

To keep up the family fun, I email the spreadsheet round after each major stage in the tournament accompanied by some frivolous punditry, banter and other tongue-in-cheek remarks designed to gee up everyone.

As teams get knocked out, things get quite high-spirited as anyone still left in at this stage is mentally drawing up a list of things they’ll spend that prize money on (all of £36) and hoping they’ll be the one who gets to keep the Chicken for the next four years.

If Spain reach the final in any given World Cup year, there’s a family pilgrimage to the Ancient Mariners house to watch ‘El Partido’ (the match), sink a few beers and be proud of our Spanish heritage. Faces painted in red and yellow and wearing a motley assortment of footie kits, red T-shirts or random Hispanic themed garments to cheer on our team. Vamos! It’s such a hoot!

A tense finale to this year’s tournament between Argentina (daughter) and Spain (other half), with the best team giving those barging Argies a deserved thrashing. GOL!!!!!!

Spain lifts the trophy

World Champions 2026 - Spain

Having lifted the Chicken, scooped up his winnings, the other half has proudly hung his Spanish football shirt out of the bedroom window so that all the neighbourhood can see that in this household, it’s Viva Espana and not Three Lions.

What will the neighbours think?