Waiting for summer is like waiting for Godot. This elusive season seems an eternity in
coming this year and I’m desperate to finish painting my decking balustrade
blue (I’m going for that Greek holiday look) and tan my anaemic looking legs
for my daughter’s wedding in July. At
this rate, my shins are going to resemble uncooked cannelloni instead of
toasted tea cakes and that most definitely won’t do.
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| Imagine Greek holiday without austerity measures |
As the sun is unlikely to oblige between now and then, I’ve
had to come up with a cunning plan to acquire that healthy sun-bronzed glow. I have turned to the ‘bottle’ or rather
something called ‘self-tanning wet wipes’ in desperation. Just swish across pale, cannelloni like legs
and in next to no time, you’ll be as tanned as Des O’Connor – simples!
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| How to acquire that California babe look on a budget |
“Proceed with caution” I told myself as the ‘Des’ look might
not be that flattering on an older woman with footballers legs that Maradona
would kill for. But if you snooze, you
lose and so on Tuesday night after a good scrubbing in the bath and lashings of
moisturiser applied, I rolled up my PJ trouser legs in the kitchen and got down
to the messy business of bronzing.
Legs are like lawns; full of lumps, bumps and unsightly
sticky-out tufts. It’s not easy trying
to wipe them down with a small square of flimsy cloth in circular motions to
avoid streaks or smears appearing in your tan.
‘Much less bovver with a hover’ I recalled from the old Flymo advert.
An hour later, my legs looked no darker than they had 60
minutes earlier. Well I could hardly
expect miracles from a packet of 99p wipes bought from a local Savers store,
could I? I’m sure Des and other worshippers
of the great God Perma-Tan probably spend a darn sight more than a quid just to
get than sun-baked look.
However, things always look better in the morning and after
a good night’s sleep, I’m now the proud owner of two slightly frankfurterish
coloured legs. Yes, I’m sure they’re
looking a tad browner than they were at the start of the week although that
could just be the power of the mind compensating for my being a complete
cheapskate in the purchase of tanning products.
MORE ABOUT:
Waiting for Godot - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waiting_for_Godot
Self Tanning Tips - http://www.allaboutyou.com/fashion-and-beauty/tips/self-tanning-tips-gradual-tan
Des O'Connor - http://desoconnornow.com/
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