CORNISH CAPERS

Cornwall – it’s not all pasties and clotted cream you know.  Although it was a bit of a close call a while back when ‘Pastygate’ threatened to tax Ginsters into extinction and as for clotted cream, I think I’ve gained 6 lbs just looking at the packaging!  Luckily, pasties and cream teas have not yet been abolished by the Obesity Police so I’m sampling as many as possible on our Cornish weekend before they suffer the same fate as dinosaurs.

Look out it's the Obesity Squad!

We’re getting away from all that crass commercialisation that passes for Christmas by visiting the land that time forgot, the Lizard peninsula, part of the ‘pigs trotter’ at the southernmost tip of the British map.    Spent the day exploring the lesser seen parts of Cornwall or polluting the countryside with my dirty diesel as per the environmentalists. Not a Christmas bauble in sight!

Have you seen any lizards round here?

You could have heard a pin drop at Mullion Cove where I suspect holiday and second homes make up 80% of the dwellings.  Not many grockles braving the chill wind early on Sunday morning except us nutters.

Mullion harbour

All is calm at Mullion

Early morning at Mullion Cove

On to Kynance Cove to look for the perfect pebble, breathe in the fresh air and avoid as many dog walkers as possible.

View over Kynance Cove

Looking for that perfect pebble

Reflections at Kynance Cove

The lighthouse keeping watch over the rocky reefs at Lizard Point stood tall and proud, buffeted on all sides by the twin tempests of weather and capitalism as arts and craft shops proliferate across the cliff top where sky and sea once met in solitude.

Lizard Lighthouse

The old lifeboat house at Lizard Point

Here’s the picturesque coastal town of Coverack where the disused lifeboat station has been turned into a fish and chip restaurant (that’s progress for you) and a large sign saying ‘NO’ to the commercialisation of the harbour is to be applauded.

Coverack Bay

Fish & Chips at Coverack's old Lifeboat station

Driving through these little Cornish coastal hamlets with the wind whipping up the surf and the sun’s rays bursting through the clouds, it’s not hard to park your troubles for a few days and just go with the flow.  Hey, was that a pasty shop back there?

Oi grockle! I was here first.

ITS CHRISTMAS?

Its Christmas!  Is it?  Hang on a mo, I’ve only just cleared the garden of rocket sticks and burnt out sparklers, I’m not ready for jingle bells. 

Our back garden Clanger firework display

It’s only the middle of November but not according to the retail industry who have already decked the shopping halls with boughs of holly, assaulting our ears with ‘Frosty the Snowman’ on a continual fruit loop from dawn till dusk.  Don’t they know it’s not cool for yule to be before December?

I know exactly how you feel

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s been more drama in our office this past fortnight than in a whole month of EastEnders.  All the constant sniping, bitching, whingeing, back-stabbing and tears before my 9.30 am cappuccino – its soooo exhausting!  I’ll be glad to see the back of all that when I retire.

And that’s exactly what I’ve been spending my time on, dear readers, obsessing about retirement or more importantly, how to bring this about sooner rather than later.  Instead of updating this blog, I’ve been poring over pensions, discovering the ins and outs of draw-down plans and trying to get my noggin round the nuances of  ‘death taxes’ and how to avoid them.

Say no more ...

It’s made me realise that all those years I thought I was feathering my nest for a comfortable retirement I’ve actually been a Fund Manager for the Treasury.  For every 20p the Government has given me in pension tax relief, I have unwittingly been investing this for them for free so that they can reap a hugely inflated tax reward later when I decide to get my grubby paws on pension proceeds.  Auto-enrolment kerrr-ching!  No wonder Spreadsheet Phil’s rubbing his hands with glee at the success of the new ‘pension freedoms’.  Who’s the real mug? 

To sweeten the bitter pill of the unfairness of life, I’ve introduced Ginge to the wonders of YouTube’s bird videos for cats.  

Bird videos for cats - it's mesmerising

Freeview have definitely missed a trick here by not hosting a kitty channel full of bird movies.  He’s been glued to the monitor for hours, chattering away and swatting the screen every now and then.  It’s hilarious.  Trouble is now I can’t get on the PC to update this blog!

In case it tries to fly away

Trying to pack?  Not now, there's a birdie