NOSEY NEIGHBOUR

‘My name is Michael Paine and I’m a nosey neighbour’.  Remember him?

 

I'm your nosey neighbour

Not one to be nosey or interfere in other people’s business (really?) I can’t help but notice that some of our elderly neighbours are always at it in the garden.  Now when I say ‘at it’ I’m not talking wrinkly rumpy-pumpy (gross!), I mean they just can’t leave the greenery alone for more than 5 minutes. 

The old dear across the way (I’ve nicknamed him Mr Mowtivator ‘cos he’s always got the mower out) fancies himself as Darth Lawn.  Not a day goes by when he’s not out brandishing his Flymo sabre across the verges or hedges battling with the rebel elements of root and leaf, the scourge of his garden galaxy that’s (not) too far, far, away.

 

The force is strong with this one

The newest arrivals to the street have ransacked the beach of stones to build a driveway thus thwarting the council of the newly introduced £39 parking permit fee.  Yes, it pains me to say we now have to pay to park outside our own home but not for long as we too have a cunning driveway plan up our sleeve.

 

Just another bucketful of pebbles should do it

Next door is now showing visible proof that she too likes to get her hands on a ‘big pole’ although there’s little evidence of much painting going on.  I’m sure the sound of crying babies will be a welcome addition (not!) to the yapping dog hullabaloo that erupts every time we so much as fart near the side fence.  If ever there was a Phantom Menace that pooch would be it.  Not wishing to be unneighbourly, there have been times when a steak laced with rat poison wouldn’t have gone amiss.  I’m definitely a cat or tortoise person. 

Then there’s the rear neighbour with her piercing sergeant major voice that could stop traffic at 5 paces and would not be out of place on an army parade ground.  I can hear her bossing hubby around like a puffed-up mother hen even with the patio doors closed, she is that loud.  No need to bother with a mobile phone love, just stand outside and all of West Sussex will hear your conversation. 

Michael Paine would have a field day round here.  Sometimes there’s so much toing, froing, mowing, howling and shouting that it’s a job to get any painting done because I’m glued to the window being a nosey neighbour.

You can see right across to Portsmouth

Bracklesham Bay

Sunset at West Wittering beach