TAX EQUALITY DAY

A toast to Sir Tim Martin, founder of that national treasure affectionately known as ‘The Spoons’ to beer swilling punters like us on what is known as Tax Equality Day.

Yesterday's Tax Equality Day at The Spoons

Tax Equality Day held annually is Sir Tim’s way of offering punters a chance of getting a microwave curry at a price cheaper than the cost of a first-class stamp. It’s a campaign to highlight the inequality between VAT paid on the price of food or drinks purchased in a pub as compared to your local supermarket.

All's not fair in love, war or taxes

All food and drinks in pubs are subject to 20 per cent VAT. In comparison, supermarkets pay zero VAT on food and are thus able to use that saving to sell alcohol to customers at a discounted price which is not really fair to the hospitality industry who have struggled to recover since their bout of Covid.

So, for one day a year, you can enjoy a chicken tikka masala and get totally shitfaced for less than the cost of a full tank of diesel.   

Needless to say, Chi's own Spoons, the Dolphin & Anchor, was heaving.  We had one helluva job finding a free table that was not occupied either by graduating students or curry munching diners.  

The Chi 'Spoons' - Dolphin & Anchor

Cheers Sir Tim! Hope your ‘campaign’ succeeds but in the meantime, I’ll have another pint of Southern Comfort.

To your good health Sir Tim

GREAT B*SHIT INSULATION SCHEME

Where's the nuts?

Well, Freddo, what’s next? I don’t see any signs of squirrel nesting boxes being built, do you?

Someone's making use of the paddling pool

No Tufty. No sign of the outdoor amphibian jacuzzi either. Having to make do with this cheap plastic thingy. Gotta wonder what these humans get up to with their spare time…

Wonder no more my four-legged friends, there’s always stuff to do round the house like getting quotes to have the loft insulated so that we don’t have to freeze our arses off yet again this winter.

My spidey senses are predicting snow and cold on the back of this year’s pathetic lack of summer time. To prepare for an imminent Ice Age, I’ve laid down the equivalent of an Amazonian rainforest in the wood stores, got enough kindling to set fire to the Houses of Parliament and more firelighters in the understairs cupboard than is probably recommended under Health & Safety. Thermals/fleeces and woolly underpants freshly laundered in readiness. Bring on the cold!!

But this post is not about cold weather. It’s about insulation and the merits of schemes claiming to help you get it for free.

Now back in the days when the Tories were in power, Dishi Rishi and his cohorts launched an energy saving scheme called The Great British Insulation Scheme designed to support people like us retrofit insulation to draughty, energy inefficient homes as part of the push to net zero.

Sorry madam but your loft insulation is not up to scratch

You’d think such a scheme would be introduced with a fanfare of trumpets, shouted from the rooftops or blazoned across TV screens more times than adverts for fried chicken or online gambling. Yet it was not. It was left to energy suppliers to promote to its customers but largely it was down to informed punters not playing bingo or wolfing down chicken, to request information on how to potentially get support in this area.

To qualify for GBIS, you either had to be on benefits or be the owner of a property that fell into Council Tax bands A to D or that had an EPC (Energy Performance Certificate) of D or worse. Hurrah! For once, we actually qualify for FREE state support on something!

In a fit of enthusiasm, I hastily cobbled together an email to my energy supplier (please sir, can I have some more insulation?) who agreed to pass on my details to their GBIS partner for a chat.

In response to my application, the least I expected was a phone call followed by an actual site survey but what I received was a request for numerous copies of documentation to confirm my eligibility under the scheme because as everyone knows, if there’s any FREE state sponsored support going there’ll be a queue of fraudsters a mile long itching to get their grubby mitts on it.

Satisfied that I met the necessary qualifying criteria, the application progressed onto stage II – the phone call with the GBIS assessor. Another ten rounds with Torquemada. No actual site survey being conducted because the GBIS company partnering with my energy supplier was based in Doncaster, about 240 miles from Chichester so it was left to me to paint a picture in a thousand words of the loft.

After much umming and aahhing from Doncaster, a verdict. I waited with bated breath - fingers, toes and everything else crossed in the hope that the man from Del-Monte would say ‘yes’. Well, he did but here’s the rub. My GBIS grant would cover me for loft insulation but I’d have to pay £1,500 for the privilege.

The conversation continued along these lines:

- I’m sorry it must be a dodgy mobile signal but did you say that I’d have to pay £1,500 even though I am eligible under the GBIS scheme?

Yes.

- Right. So just to be clear, I’m not getting any FREE insulation.

Correct.

- But I am eligible under the scheme?

Yes.

- But I’m still expected to pay?

Yes. There’s no such thing as FREE insulation. Customers pay for part of the job and the Government pays for the other part. Your part comes to £1,500.

- OK so if I’m paying £1,500 then how much is the Government paying?

(Silence)

- Well thanks for your time. I’ll let you know if we decide to proceed with our ‘quote’.


And so the conversation ended with me scratching my head wondering why a scheme providing grants for insulation was not exactly ‘FREE’ since no-one had actually mentioned in the small print that customers would be expected to contribute quite a chunk towards costs.

For the past few days, I’ve had an almost endless parade of loft insulation companies that have come to actually survey the loft in person with a view to quoting to top up the existing insulation from 100 mm to 270 mm (current building regs standard) then re-boarding. The most expensive quote so far is £2,132, the cheapest £1,415.

Which brings me back to GBIS. It’s actually far CHEAPER for me to get this work done privately than under this bullshit Government scheme about which none of the local suppliers had a good word to say. Funny that!

If you’ve managed to actually get any insulation completely paid for by the Government then great. Hats off to you.  I don’t know what you had to do to get it but for anyone else out there thinking of looking into the Great British Insulation Scheme then be prepared for that sharp intake of breath when you get your ‘quote’ under the scheme!

TV UNIT - FINISHING TOUCHES

Amazing what a few afternoons in bed can do for the snotty soul! Feeling much better already. Thanks.

Time for the final push to get this TV unit finished. This is the moment of truth. The moment you find out if everything fits snuggly or needs re-sanding a million times. In theory it should fit. That was the point of dry fitting everything beforehand but these things have a way of catching you out especially after painting has taken place.

Carefully slide the top panel into place so that it sits on each of the black side panels. Align the front edges.

Slide painted top panel into position

Now position the stained vertical supports. We have divided this top section into 3 compartments so that the vertical supports are aligned with the vertical supports of the Cuba cabinet at the very bottom. I guess it doesn’t really matter where you position these vertical supports as long as the end result is visually pleasing.

Slot in vertical dividers then screw down from top

With all front edges of the vertical pieces aligned to the front edges of the horizontal panels, screw the top down into each vertical support. To provide added stability, we’ve also used a single screw underneath to prevent any sideways movement.

Prime and paint your piece of pelmet timber

All thats left to do is to place the long black pelmet into position on the very top. Again, care not to scuff the side walls with black paint marks.

Free floating pelmet sits on the top horizontal panel

Plastic vent cover cut down to size to plug hole in wall

But wait, there’s something not quite right. Ah yes! The telly. Why is it still sat on the bottom shelf when it should be suspended on the wall?

TV needs hanging

Fifty quid later - a visit from a man with a super-sized SDS drill to make holes in some very hard bricks and fix a metal wall bracket to the wall. Phwoar! Just look at the size of his Makita! Hammer action. Yeah baby!!

Makita SDS hammer drill - for hard walls

Finally, a TV unit that looks similar to the one in the magazine.

The Idea

The result

TV UNIT - SIDE & TOP SHELVES

Sniff, sniff. Cough, cough. Splutter, snot gobble.

A day out in London last week and it appears that an unseen viral menace hitched a ride on the tardy train back to Chi. Funny but whenever we visit the Big Smoke we always appear to return full of germs. I blame TFL for not adequately sanitising their trains after a day of snotty fingers rubbed across doors and hand grab bars. The hardy Londoner doesn’t stay in to recouperate, preferring instead to share the ‘lurge’ with the world at large.

Mind the snotty gap

Not letting a few sniffs or sneezes deter us from our DIY. Bring on the Vics vapour rub or Lemsip, it’s kill or cure!

Now where did we get to? Right. Shaped shelf fitted so time to move on up. Let’s finish those side shelves then get cracking with the top section.

To recap, there are side shelves with no end pieces and this is where we’ll begin.

Grab a stained vertical upright and place it alongside the fishbone shelf on the side wall. This vertical piece needs to be carefully screwed into position, keeping the shelf level and at the same time ensuring that the front edges are neatly aligned.

How to get level shelves

We’ve done this using the tried and tested Heath Robinson method, propping up the shelf with a pile of DVDs until the spirit level bubble is centred.

Bodge or brilliance?

One person then holds the vertical panel and shelf in place whilst the other screws them together.

Is that bubble in the middle?

Starting from the bottom shelf, work your way slowly up the fishbone using the above method to ensure your shelves are level and aligned.

Left side shelf completed

Repeat on the other side. No DVDs used this time as there’s only one high top shelf. It’s a case of hold and hope.

You should now have something that looks like the photo below:

Both sides completed

Grab the stained top shelf piece and drop this into position to sit on the 2 stained vertical panels. Screw the top shelf into the top of the vertical panels from above. In this way, the screws remain unseen.

Position top shelf and screw into long verticals

Remember to feed your speaker cables up along each corner join before you push the whole unit back towards the wall.

Everything should now be ready for the top panel, top verticals and pelmet but more about that after a little lie down.  Anyone got a tissue I could wipe the laptop screen with?

TV UNIT - SHAPED SHELF

Well, well, fancy Sir Keir removing old Thatcher’s portrait from the walls of no 10.  Mock shock, horror (not!).

Can’t say I blame him. I too would have found her image ‘unsettling’. Almost as 'unsettling' as an Oasis reunion concert to which the media has devoted more air space than is really necessary.  Seriously?  That's not what I deem 'news'.

Thatcher's portrait was probably one of those pictures with beady eyes that follow you round the room. Should have chucked it on a bonfire but I guess that’s not very environmentally friendly. Its a wonder her ghost isn’t lurking around the corridors of power, haunting all those hapless incumbents that followed in her wake.

The PM might be busy taking down stuff but we’re still busy putting it up, with the TV unit progressing steadily upwards.

Today’s focus is the lower shaped shelf and component compartment.

Building the TV unit foundation

Before fitting the shaped shelf, work out how all the telly cabling will connect to the power bar under the shelf then cut a hole towards the back of the shelf top. Remember this hole needs to be large enough to feed a plug through it. Sand and stain/paint the interior of the hole ready for grommet.

Position small drawer units tightly next to the vertical side panels. As these are not as deep as the Cuba cabinet then to stop the drawers sliding back a wooden chock has been inserted behind them. A small painted spacer fits into the side space in front of each vertical side panel.

Black spacer used to plug gaps at the ends

Slide the shaped shelf into position on top of the drawer units making sure each vertical side panel fits into the special shaped side slot. At this stage, don’t push the shaped shelf fully towards the back wall as you need to allow play for speaker cables to run to the top shelf.

When you are satisfied that all the drawers and spacers are in the correct location then place a vertical support tightly next to each drawer unit. Screw the shaped shelf into the supporting vertical pieces placed at the side of each drawer box by screwing down from the top surface. Repeat until both sides done.

Screw shelf into stained support next to drawers

The shaped shelf should now be supported underneath at each end, the vertical side panels locked into position against the recess walls and there should be an empty central compartment ready for you to fill with gadgets or gizmos.

Lower shaped shelf and compartments finished

Next step – fixing the inner end shelf panels and top shelf.