Today’s my birthday. This most special of all days, is a sacred day of no work (booked off 365 days in advance every year) dedicated to me and also to my most wonderful grandson who happens to share the same birthday making it doubly special.
Another year older
As
2025 is the Chinese Year of the Snake then I’ve made us an epic birthday cake
featuring a ferocious sea snake rising majestically from cakey depths. You can almost feel the iced sea spray on
your cheeks as the scaly beast from 20,000 leagues slithers past on a fondant
wave. It’s awesome!
Year of the Sea Snake
The perfect representation for the birthday duo – an old dragon and a little monster. Take your pick.
But back to more mundane matters, a pant pilgrimage to that familiar retailer of bottom coverings. You guessed – M&S. 2025 is the Year of New Knickers so what better way to celebrate a birthday than with a nice sunny stroll into town for a spot of keck shopping.
Now
I know I’m old and spend a lot of time starting sentences with the phrase ‘When
I was young, I remember a time when’ we had tellies from Radio Rentals, wore
tartan Bay City Roller trousers and could buy 8 Black Jacks for a penny. Whoops!
Call the Woke Police – she used the word BLACK. I guess these days you’d have to refer to
these as dark chewy sweets but nevertheless, you could stuff yourself silly with
tuppence. The point being that modern
pants are not as I remembered from my ‘youf’.
 |
| How many could you get for a penny? |
Cotton
undies aren’t what they used to be. For
starters, the fabric is so thin you could strain your greens through it and
secondly, they’re not 100% cotton but a dolly mixture of synthetics most likely
to cause cancer of the butt cheeks in decades to come. There is a myriad of styles to tickle your
fancy - anything from the cheeky lap-dancer variety to the more resilient sumo
wrestler nappy.
Sexy little number
These
days it’s substance over style. I’m
looking for something that will hold a wobbly bottom, not produce camel toe
chafing or disintegrate after 3 low temperature washes. Hopefully these will do the trick.
 |
| Ticks all the bum boxes |
Now I’ve mentioned the word ‘washing’ then there’s the eco consideration too hence the purchase of BLACK pants or should these be re-named dark coloured under-crackers? As we only use our washing machine for one load every week to save energy, water, pandas or anything else that needs saving then the official decree from Big Brother states that all underwear (if worn) must be washable in a colour cycle as WHITES will not get special privileges.
On an ethical note, I see that these knickers were knocked up in Bangladesh so I do hope the £8 per pack kept a family of 16 in fruitful employment.
As its my birthday then I’ll also be testing the aeronautics of my new kecks later on as I swing them round in the air like I just don’t care or should it be ‘pants on heads’ – remember that one kids?
Happy
new year everyone!
