ECONOMIC GROWTH

Thanks Rachel, your increase of employer national insurance contributions has resulted in a big fat ZERO pay rise at work.

As expected, my employer pulled the ‘poverty’ card from up their sleeve trumping my ‘cost of living crisis’ hand in a flourish of self-righteousness, claiming this was all for the greater good of humanity since it meant no-one would have to lose their jobs.

That’s all well and good, we all need jobs but what exactly am I supposed to tell the council and all my other bill providers when their inflationary increases are applied to household bills in April? I don’t think an email copy of my boss’s lack of pay award justifications is somehow going to cut the mustard.

How many other private sector workers are also facing this same scenario? Clearly not something the public sector are having to worry about as since Starmageddon, they’ve all been awarded something or other with some sectors being given more than their fair share of the Treasury budget. It’s at times like these I wish I’d qualified as a Train Driver and not squandered my further education learning stupid secretarial skills or office administration but hey, someone has to do all the typing, right?

Growth, particularly in my pay packet, is not likely any time soon which means even less probability of switching on the central heating or buying any more thermals. Don’t be fooled by media headlines claiming that wage rises have outstripped inflation – complete and utter myth unless you’re working for the BBC or you're Sue Gray.

Whilst Chancellor Nero fiddles in China as Roman Britain burns, the rich have fled to warmer tax-free climes, those with the broadest shoulders (and tractors) bleat on about inheritance taxes and everyone who can will use this opportunity to trouser what rightly should have been paid out to staff. It is always the little people who once again are left to pick up the economical pieces.

I've written this really hot new tune

The only growth this nation is likely to see in the next few months is a great mass of sticky green bogeys resulting from the wintry flu spike laying siege to already struggling hospitals.

Snot classification

I appreciate the ‘difficult decisions’ you may have to make right now Rachel but believe me, there’ll be no difficult decisions for the population at large at the next general election because at this rate we’ll all be voting Reform or for those bleeding Tories.