PILED ON

So, the Government is thinking of giving a cash handout to everyone living next to electricity pylons. Will that include those of us who have electrical substations bordering our back garden? I hope so. 

Why stop at pylons? Let’s not forget over-sized garden pergolas, larger than life leylandii hedges, size 26 knickers on neighbouring wash lines, that elephantine Chelsea tractor parked outside creating a mini solar eclipse or any other potential blots on the landscape.

Case for compensation

For anyone who thought the cost of this golden ticket would be met from energy supplier profits then suckers, this confirms you truly have the IQ of a melting ice cap. As soon as the cat was out of the Labour bag there was never any doubt the costs would be piled onto our energy bills as will every other cost not yet incurred in the race to achieve ‘net zero’ – a contradiction in terms if ever there was one because you will never ever be able to completely remove all greenhouse gases produced by whatever sources or negate against this.

As sure as eggs is eggs, energy consumers will always end up footing the bill for whatever national infrastructure changes fit the current political whim. And let’s not forget this mythical promise of discounted energy (my arse!) which is never likely to materialise in our lifetimes let alone those of our children, grandchildren or great grandchildren.

I am not opposed to paying for cabling, pylons or other means that will bring cheap renewable energy straight to my non smart meter. But. And there always is one of those - deep in the cynical recesses of my metal-head I know that you can lay a zillion metres of cabling but until you stop the unit price of electricity being determined by the cost of gas then it makes no difference how many ugly pylons you plaster over the landscape. It’s the current pricing mechanism NOT the inadequate infrastructure that’s to blame.

Tosh, I hear some of you say. Well, you may be right but we’re all entitled to our conspiracist opinions which are that there is little or no appetite to fix anything that might derail the energy capitalist net zero gravy train.

I hope not to be reading the same tabloid headlines in 10 years’ time about how our energy bills are going to come down because in theory when there are more pylons than people they already should have!

There be giants