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Woo hoo! In almost 5 minutes flat, I’d mentally spent every penny of it in a flurry of online purchases, extravagant gestures and bunging a few quid to my favourite relatives, charities, street beggars or anyone else I felt to be deserving of my financial largesse.
No matter that this horoscope applied to every other sea goat reading this paper or that a specific amount hadn’t been foretold. It could be a tenner or ten million for all I cared, the fact is that just reading about it in a horoscope made it seem all the more certain.
Could such an event truly be written in the stars? I mean we all know deep down that horoscopes aren’t really true, are they? Let’s face it, you could probably fit any set of circumstances into a Mystic Meg prediction because our minds are simply programmed into solving puzzles or looking for connections however tenuous.
Let’s apply some ‘scientific’ reasoning to this potentially wondrous piece of good fortune, dissecting it line by line to test the theory:
The receipt of a large sum of money will allow you to pay off loans and debts that have been a burden for far too long.
My first thought in analysing this sentence is where or whom will the cash come from? There are no bank errors likely to be in my favour, the tax man only rings once and that’s to collect and I don’t believe in pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. My parents are older than Methuselah but tighter than a jar of pesto sauce so I can’t imagine there’d be any pre-IHT gifting coming from that quarter. Maybe I’ll just stumble across a fiver on the pavement or under a sofa cushion.
Perhaps the ’loans and debts’ could be referring to the credit agreement that’s still outstanding on the new upstairs carpets. I don’t consider it a burden since it was only to borrow a small sum and as we only re-carpeted last year then that can hardly be considered ‘far too long’ can it?
Going forward, you need to make it a priority to live within your means.
Really sound advice given that we’re all in the midst of this never-ending cost of living crisis but hardly an astrological revelation. When those email alerts drop into Outlook announcing another legendary tour of some band you’ve always wanted to see or have already seen a zillion times (Depeche Mode) then delete, delete, delete. Nobody really lives within their means all the while there is credit to be had.
Do this and you will avoid accumulating more debt.
Well, it stands to reason doesn’t it that if you don’t overspend then you won’t be racking up any tabs anywhere that’ll need paying back. You don’t need Nostradamus to point that one out, it should be as plain as the nose on your face. Unless you’re someone or something that doesn’t have a nose. A potato for instance or a walnut whip. Only then could you be excused for buying a gold-plated toilet on tick.
It’s been several months since my astrological chart predicted I might be richer than Rockefeller yet I’m still waiting for this monetary miracle to occur.
Written in the stars my arse!
