DANNY SAYS 'NO' TO PIGS

Sunday, June 17, 2012

DANNY SAYS 'NO' TO PIGS

A green and pleasant land - Danny Boyle’s vision for the grand London 2012 Olympic opening ceremony depicting all things British. Comes complete with fluffy rain clouds and possibly free plastic ponchos for all sporting punters that will have paid through the nose for the privilege of sitting somewhere resembling Nether Wallop. I say possibly FREE because everything else associated with the Olympics has essentially become a licence to print money. If this doesn’t wipe the smile off the recession’s face then I don’t know what will.

Of course his pseudo green and pleasant land won’t have pikey encampments, litter lined motorways, dog poop or lagered up ladettes with smudged mascara and mouths like fishwives who are leaving their dinner all over a Tesco shop-front after three pints, six vodkas and an alco-jelly. Danny’s version will of course be perfect in every respect. The utopia our grandfathers fought for before anyone ever invented microwavable dinners or Twitter.

In a way I’m glad Danny has chosen something green and pleasant rather than something brash and tacky. Green and pleasant at least resonates with gardeners everywhere, after all there’s nothing the Brits enjoy more than pottering about in the greenery doing something pleasant. But not picking snails as that’s not very pleasant. Or sitting on an ants nest during a picnic as that too is pretty high on the list of all that’s fairly unpleasant especially if you’re wearing very baggy shorts or a thong.

I hear that Danny’s green and pleasant land will also contain real animals but have noticed that pigs are not on the invite list. Pity really as considering how much the British love a cup of tea and a bacon butty, I’d say that was a major oversight in depicting an accurate picture of the nation. But never fear for if Danny says NO to pigs then here are a few porkers we snapped in the green and pleasant land around Dorchester.