WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

They’ve nicked all our fish, beaten our football team and destroyed our indigenous bluebells but now there’s a new resident evil that’s slithered out of the Iberian Peninsula – the Spanish Stealth Slug!

Not to be underestimated, these are truly weapons of mass gardening destruction. As large as a cat turd and with an appetite that could rival a classroom of teenage boys (and we all know how much they can tuck away), a stealth slug is a slimy ‘Terminator’ type eating machine. No amount of copper collars, slug pellets or grapefruit peel is going to prevent these monsters from thinking your hostas are some kind of gardening Big Mac to be consumed along with extra helpings of lettuce.

Which makes me wonder if there isn’t anyone out there that might be persuaded to eat slugs for the good of all mankind. What about the Chinese? Or the French? After all, slugs are just naked escargots – what’s not to like? Just think of all the tasty culinary dishes that could be created; Schezuan slug, slug satay, coq au slug, slughetti - the possibilities are endless! I’m also willing to bet that slugs are probably low in calories. OK, let’s just park that thought there. I’m not even going to begin to imagine what it would be like to snack on a packet of freeze dried slugs with my morning coffee just to have a figure like Marilyn Monroe. Ugghh!!!!

Seriously though, don't try eating slugs. Yes, that includes you Greeks. Even if you're implementing severe austerity measures or trying to save a few pennies, a slug feast is not going to solve your economic woes. Not only are they disgusting but they're full of bacteria, viruses and other lurgi that isn't good for you. (see web link below)

I shall be on the look-out for anything that remotely resembles a stealth slug especially as the cardoon plant I bought last month is on the verge of producing something resembling a baby artichoke. Last thing I want to come home to is a pot full of tattered green shreds and a lawn covered in over-weight slimy critters!