DEATH OF A SPIDER

Warning!  This post contains references to toxic substances, violence and death which some readers may find disturbing.

Lethal weapon

Life is rarely fair or rosy.  You’ve only got to flick on the news to see the daily catalogue of atrocities inflicted by humans on other humans to realise that some people are worse than spiders.  (Pity, we can squish some of them!)  I guess I’m no exception as a self-confessed spider killer.

I’d been watching our spider’s web all of yesterday, trying to find its hidey hole in the plastic Southern Comfort optic on the kitchen window but nothing.  Spiders are far too smart to be caught unawares.  I wondered if it had some kind of spidey sixth sense or could read my evil thoughts.  Perhaps it had stumbled across my blog on the worldwide web and had read of its impending doom?  I knew I’d have to wait it out for the right moment.  This had become personal – it was a woman vs spider contest and I was not going to lose.

It died in a surprise chemical attack launched during the adverts of last night’s ‘Come Dine With Me’ episode.  Have you seen the one in Weston-Super-Mare with the incredibly loud woman who you’d never invite to dinner but is great for ratings?  I did like the look of the Black Rat casserole she dished up during her turn but twenty minutes of her larger-than-life antics put me in a murderous mood so I wandered into the kitchen for a cup of tea and the fly spray.

You can run, but you can't hide from me

I’d love to say I killed it humanely but I didn’t.  There were no last requests or final cigarettes prior to its ruthless execution.  A few, quick blasts and I’d created a toxic haze that only a super spider could have survived.  Even I choked on the fumes!  Cruelly, it probably died a horrible, lingering death, suffocating in a chemical cloud whilst I looked on feeling no remorse whatsoever. 

Alas, poor spider I knew him well

I only hope that if there are any spiders reading this blog, they can find it in their tiny hearts to forgive me for my hideous crime against spider-kind.  No doubt, in a parallel universe somewhere, a gigantic spider is blasting a mini me with spray and gloating as I suffer the same fate.

MORE ABOUT:

Spider superstitions - http://www.spiderzrule.com/superstitions.htm

Getting rid of spiders - http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rid-of-Spiders-in-the-House