FROST FREE

Cripes is that a penguin?  I’m not talking about the smothered in chocolate variety soon to cost about £20 a packet under the Government’s new anti-fattist regime, I’m referring to those monochrome wibbly-wobbly birds that live in very cold places.  I think I’ve just seen one standing on an undiscovered ice floe behind a box of frozen potato waffles.

Global warming may be responsible for a hike in temperatures over the past decade but the back of my freezer has been in its own unique ice age since 1999.  It’s going to take more than a few bowls of hot water and an ice pick to shift this little lot.  There are bergs in here that could sink the Titanic. 

Great Scott - we've stumbled across the Third Pole

I hate defrosting freezers.  It’s got to be one of the soggiest jobs on the planet.  When this one finally konks out, I’m definitely going frost free!

So why have you wasted the day chipping away at oversized icebergs I hear you ask?  To prepare for phase I of house moves.  A large van has been hired for tomorrow to shift potted plants and a few items of furniture out to the wilds of St Leonards which is to become our temporary ‘in-between properties’ home.  It’s our Plan B in case we complete on the sale of our house quicker than we can move to Chichester. 

It’s kind of daughter to take pity on us poor Charminster refugees, giving us a roof over our heads rather than making us sleep in a cardboard box under Bournemouth Pier or in the pee-smelling Richmond Hill underpass.  This favour will not go unrewarded.  

I shall of course repay this debt in baked goods thus becoming her nemesis in that never ending fitness and dieting regime she strictly enforces.   (Yeah, it’s my fault you’re fat!)  With a bit of luck I might lose a few pounds as her house guest.