POLE TO POLE

There’s no point working at a builders’ merchants if you can’t pick someone’s brains about your latest project or take advantage of staff discounts and this is exactly what I’ve been doing in order to get my head round the next stage of refurbishment – painting the stairwell.

 

Gary Larson - Right tools for the job

It feels somewhat slutty sauntering up to the trade counter at work and asking to see the shop assistant’s big pole (nudge, nudge).  A sacking offence for sure in these PC times.  But the last laugh is always theirs when 6ft something Marek steps out from behind the galvanised shelf brackets armed with his retractable tape measure and toothless grin, the font of all DIY knowledge. Worth a try!

It would be easy to blow over £100 on one of those fancy Werner combination ladders, the type you can fold more times than an origami swan but after one use, what do you do with it?  Another dust gathering gadget to clog up the garage and I’ve already been banned from there.

I've got the house so it's only fair he gets the garage

So, using my newly acquired powers of staff discount I’ve opted for a budget friendly ‘big pole’.  It’s a whopper!  Fully extended, this is the Godzilla of paint poles – a monster!  On tip toes I’m sure I could reach up and paint the Chi cathedral spire.  OK so maybe that’s a little exaggerated but you get my drift, it’s a big ‘un.

 

You may be big but you don't scare me

For any other short-arses out there (or Oompa Loompas) who might be in my predicament, this could be the answer.  It’s a Harris work smarter extension pole.  Sleek, shiny and girl friendly, fully extended this pole will allow you go paint the longest stairwell walls from standing. 

 

This pole is the dog's b******s

There’s no faffing about on precariously positioned ladders with one of these.  No more stretching across death defying gaps with a paint brush taped to a broom handle whispering 10 Hail Marys in the hope of a half decent paint job on the stairs.  This is the business!

How will I reach the tall bits?

And what’s more, your roller handle isn’t likely to fall off because using a Harris work smarter roller frame, it screws in neatly onto the end of the pole and is solidly fixed. 

 

Lightweight and easy to use

Another nice user-friendly feature is the fact you can extend the pole to your desired length and lock it into position with a tight twist of the black connector.  No fiddly, complicated mechanisms that only work with strong manly hands – even my delicate little mitts managed to get a good lock on the thing. 

I never thought I’d hear myself say ‘I can’t wait to start painting’ but that’s the sad truth of it - it’s been quite exciting getting a firm grip on a big pole!

Top to bottom and not a ladder in sight

SHELBY'S OUT

Gary the Homebase tortoise is not the only one that’s enjoying a spot of sunshine on the lawn. 

 

Holiday camp on the Costa del Chi

Thanks to a bit of bargain hunting on Ebay, Shelby has a lovely new playpen so we can leave her to roam outside whilst we get on with the chores.  She’s loving it!

 

Tortoise proof pen?

That's what you think

And Blackie is most bemused at finding our little shelled warrior marching about on the lawn, staking her claim on the garden.

 

Shouldn't you be on the other side of the fence?

I suppose you could say that Shelby is eco-friendly being solar powered like all cold-blooded reptiles.  Once those tortoise batteries have been fully charged in the sunlight, there’s no stopping her.

Of course, you never know when or where the batteries are going to run out ….

Put another 5p in the tortoise meter

 

YOU GOT THIS

No I haven’t got it and I don’t want it! Whatever ‘this’ may be.  

I imagine that in these germ-ridden times we live in, if someone tells you ‘you got this’ what they really mean is get away you Covid infested lurgi lout.   ‘You got this’ has become the most annoying phrase in history.  Beloved of advertisers, I’m struggling to think of any other strap line that makes my blood boil instantly.  Anyone who tells me ‘I’ve got this’ is liable to get their face smashed in so be warned!  Got this?  Good. 

Work on the bedroom’s been temporarily suspended as the nation basked in the most glorious of bank holiday weekends.  Phew, it was a scorcher!  Too nice to be stuck indoors, efforts have been focused on the back garden. 

To prepare for the future construction of a rear extension, the small tool shed has been given a makeover and moved further down the side of the garden. 

Pimp my shed

 

Concrete base made in new location

Heave Ho

In homage to the RNLI, a charitable cause close to our hearts, the shed looks fabulous in new blue and orange lifeboat like colours and is coated in yacht varnish to improve weatherproofing.  We’re going to add a few quirky decorative touches to give it a fun nautical theme. 

 

To The Lifeboats

Aye, aye captain

Pebble path just like Selsey beach

The new back fence that we were press ganged into replacing by the neighbours who didn’t like the uneven look of the old fence panels has been given a first coat of Ronseal’s fence plus in slate grey.  It already looks a million times nicer than it did and it makes the surrounding greenery stand out more.

 

Fences painted in Ronseal's slate grey

I’m looking forward to a prolonged dry spell where we can really get stuck into a spot of gardening.  I’ve missed pottering about in the garden.

Yellow rose bush in bloom by patio doors

Double rose bush near bench

The previous owners must have loved roses

This one looks like a sunset

And this one is bubble-gum pink

Peony bush discovered under the weeds

CROMARTY

Like Boris, I have a confession to make about my property refurbishment.  I’ve cheated.  And lied.  About my bedroom paint.  Call the tabloids, it’s a national scandal! 

I’ve always been a Dulux gal but wanted to try out Farrow & Ball on the walls just to see what all the fuss was about.  Is F&B really worth raving about or is it another clever piece of marketing guff?  And the price, I mean £84 for a 5L tin, it’s disgraceful!  It’s paint for Christ sakes not Christian Dior perfume! 

Farrow & Ball - is it really worth it?

The thought of spending around £200 to buy enough F&B paint to slather over our very large bedroom doesn’t appeal to my super scrimper nature but Cromarty is the only shade of chalky greenish grey that I really like – arghhh! 

So, I’ve cheated.  Oh, come on don’t look so outraged.  Everyone’s at it.  Every paint forum’s recommending it, every refurba-blogger has blagged it, pretty much anyone with an ounce of sense is at it.  I bet even Boris thought about it.  We’re all turning up at the local colour mixing desk with a scrap of paper slathered in our favourite shade of expensive designer emulsion and hoping for a similar but cheaper version.  

There’s not a hint of remorse or stealth about this practice either.  Only a couple of weeks ago, the lady queueing in front of me at Homebase’s mixing desk pulled out 2 F&B tester pots, asked for a bit of paper, smeared the lid paint across it then asked the shop assistant for a match.  The bare faced cheek of this act shocked me to the core but do you know what?   She got away with it. 

I took my £5 F&B tester pot of Cromarty emulsion home then used it to produce my own lighter shade of chalky green before trotting back to the mixing desk with my painted bit of scrap paper thus saving myself a small fortune but getting the colour I really wanted. 

The moral of this story, dear readers, is this – he/she who dares wins.  It looks like F&B but is in fact Dulux.  Of course, I’ll be telling everyone it’s F&B because that’s what us paint blaggers do.  All’s fair in love, war and decorating!

Charity shop bargains to add character to the room

Putting the finishing touches to the room

Hurrah! Our room is almost done