WHITE FRIDAY

All I want for Christmas is ….. coal!  Ooooooh, babyeeee!

 

Gimme coal

For once I’d rather be on the naughty than nice list as then I’d be in line to receive a much desirable lump of coal.  With several thousand little peccadillos to confess to over the past 11 months, surely this must add up to a least a hundredweight of the precious black stuff by now, right? 

No gift cards, toiletries, fluffy bed socks for me this year – I’d even go as far as passing up the box of customary chocolate brazil nuts in exchange for several tons of slow burning charcoal to put in my new stove.  Okay, step away from the brazils, maybe that’s one concession too many…

 

My favourites

Whilst credit cards rev up on the sidelines ready for this weeks’ Black Friday shopping extravaganza, I’m busy fishing through the knicker drawer looking for thermal socks to prepare for White Friday, that chilly time of year when a smattering of snow sends the nation crashing into an icy vortex the likes of which we won’t stop complaining about until next July.  And then some. 

Special offers in this year’s Big White Friday sale include 20% off heat-seeking Tofu-eating Wokerati PJs, buy one get one free ticket to Equatorial Guinea and free gritter with every purchase of Kinder eggs.  

Hotter than July

These are the kind of bargains you really can’t afford to pass up.  Yes, that’s CAN’T AFFORD for those of you suffering from that little diagnosed condition called Money Blindness. 

Money Blindness is a cognitive condition that causes difficulties in perceiving and managing your own wealth often leading to penury, punctuality challenges (especially after you’ve pawned your watch) and planning issues (ducking out of social commitments you can’t fund).  

Sufferers of MB are to be socially prescribed scratchcards by overpaid consultants said a spokesperson for NHS England with about as much compassion as a used teabag.

My advice – if you ain’t got paid then don’t be swayed!  

Keep warm folks.