THE 'BROKEN' CRISIS

Funny how everything these days is either ‘broken’ or in a state of ‘crisis’. We’re living through a housing crisis, energy crisis, immigration crisis, climatic crisis and everything from the NHS to the special educational needs system in schools is broken. It’s no wonder people are quivering under their duvets like anxious jellies, ready to jump out of their skins in fright at the latest news headlines. Lately life feels like an endless rollercoaster of fear with humanity lurching from one catastrophe to the next. Ugh!!

Who broke these things? Not me Guv. You could spend a lifetime going round and round in circles looking to point the finger at this or that but you’ll never really find out why it’s all gone to pot.

Life’s been a constant whirl. It’s almost a month since my last post and I too have been lurching from one first world ‘crisis’ to another trying desperately to balance the books for all household projects currently in the pipeline. I sympathise with the Chancellor who is going through the same thing but on a grander scale.

There’s the ‘Lack of Heat Retention Upstairs’ crisis caused by the ‘broken’ loft. The carpenter is up there at the moment busily stuffing joists with Rockwool insulation before fitting new OSB boards in a bid to stem the flow of energy dosh haemorrhaging into the ether from our inadequately insulated loft.

So that's where all that money went

The freshly insulated loft should also herald the end of the ‘Being In Storage’ crisis which has drained more cash out of my pay packet than sewage discharged into Chi harbour. What a money pit these storage places are! In hindsight, if I’d known we’d spend the first three years of our new Chi life using storage facilities, I’d have started by insulating the loft first then refurbishing the rest of the house. Would have saved a small fortune!

Then there’s the ‘Rotten Front Fence’ crisis caused by next door’s invasive ivy, years of underfunded waterproofing treatment and poor installation in the first place. If ever there was something that is truly broken then look no further. It’s only the ivy and copious amounts of Cuprinol slapped on since we moved in that’s holding it all together. I’ve booked the landscapers for the end of November then I can kiss goodbye to another £1,500!

On it's last legs

And finally, there’s the ‘I Want To Refurbish The Downstairs Toilet’ crisis. Imagine peeing whilst squatting on an iceberg – yes that’s our downstairs loo. As cold as a penguin’s chuff. A room that no-one really wants to hang about in longer than necessary except the other half who spends half the day in there reading the Spectator whilst keeping Dyno-Rod in gainful employment.

Time for a toilet tune up

Having taken a hammer and chisel to the wall tiles, the room is now as broken as the NHS Dental service although at least there’s a definite fix for this issue. More about that project in later posts.

I've broken it

So as the festive season approaches, my bank account is emptying faster than Santa’s sack, my patience is wearing thin and the constantly boiled kettle has depleted the National Grid. Soon there’ll be a global tea shortage as I’ll have drunk most of it in a bid to keep my crisis battered self from going completely bonkers!