RECORD UNIT - SHELLED OUT

She sells cabinet shells by the seashore. And talking of selling but mostly buying, the newly inaugurated US President, Donald Trump, recently emailed me for advice on a piece of real estate he’s eyeing up that’s ripe for redevelopment.

For Sale

Being a savvy swoop bidder on Ebay and working for a builder’s merchant, I guess he thought I’d be just the person to provide some useful tips on how to bag a bargain or what materials work best when tarting up bomb sites.

Can’t say the phrase ‘one careful owner’ pops into mind when looking at this little lot but then once you’ve made America rich again, you’ll have plenty of dosh available for a lavish refurbishment of the whole site. More than I can say for our own property development project. Not sure what the going rate is these days for a piece of Israeli/Palestinian land, I’m sure it won’t be cheap!

And whilst my harmless post will no doubt be decreed completely and irresponsibly unacceptable by the WSB (Woke Speech Brigade) - move over Gino and Wynne, another freedom of speech casualty coming through; my heart does go out to all those innocent, displaced Palestinians who through no fault of their own have been left without a pot to piss in. I really hope you manage to find somewhere to live before Trump gets his grubby mitts on what’s left of your homes.

Meanwhile, back in my own carefully crafted bomb site, it’s time for a final assault on the vinyl storage unit as the temporary teas-fire has come to an end.

Having pimped up all your bits of pineboard with spit, sawdust and other decorating condiments, it’s time to put the outer shell onto the rectangular cube unit made earlier.

Beginning at the bottom this time by assembling the plinth. Place the plinth on a level surface next to your skirting board and lay the painted bottom panel on top so that it gently overlaps the skirting. This should enable the unit to sit back snuggly against the wall once in position.

Having jiggled the panel on top of the plinth until there is an even overhang at each side edge, carefully mark hole positions on the panel with a pencil to ensure that any screws are not visible once the rectangular cube is placed on top of the black panel.

Work out screw positions

Screw the black panel down from the top into the thick timber frame of the plinth to form a sturdy platform.

Bottom panel screwed down onto plinth

On a flat level surface, turn the pre-made rectangular cube upside down so that you have its bottom facing upwards. Turn the plinth platform upside down and lay this onto the long edge of the cube.

Attaching plinth to the bottom of unit

Next grab a painted side panel and using appropriate clamps, carefully secure to one side of the rectangular cube ensuring that the back edge of the black panel is aligned to the back edge of the cube. The importance of this will become more apparent later when you fit a ply backboard to the whole unit.

Screw the plinth platform onto the side panel from the top, countersinking the screws so that heads won’t be visible from underneath. Repeat on the other side.

Attaching painted side panels

The bottom and sides of your rectangular cube should be covered by the plinth and painted panels so that it looks something like this:

Stained cube encased in black on 3 sides

All that remains now is to add a few screws at the back to secure the long edge of the cube to the long edge of the plinth to enable both components to be joined together. If you don’t do this then when you come to turn it all over in order to fit the top, everything will fall apart at the seams and you wouldn’t want that, right?