OUTSIDE INSIDE

This afternoon I realised why it is that people crave living in glass houses as I opened the front door to be greeted by a shaft of light coming through the new patio doors. What a difference it’s made already, bringing the lushness of the lawn and radiant colour from the azaleas right into the heart of the kitchen. It’s like having the outside inside.

New patio doors looking onto the decking

Two days and not a scrap of the old kitchen in sight! Wall tiles, units, appliances, gas and water pipes, it’s all been ripped out in the blink of an eye. At this point I have to banish all thoughts of rogue traders doing a runner and leaving the place like leftovers at a vampire banquet, the lifeblood sucked clean from the room. Tomorrow there’ll be another surprise in store and another the next day, a year’s worth of Christmas mornings all rolled into a fortnight. You never know what you’re going to walk into when you open the front door.

Old kitchen has disappeared 

Preparation work has started for the removal of the back door too. Architrave gone (not the modern way you know) and plaster peeled back to reveal the invisible skeletal framework holding the back door in place. Quite fascinating to see just how flimsy these things appear when stripped back to the bone.

Making the side window smaller

Getting ready to rip the back door out

A few things to note for my client ‘snagging’ list, being the control freak that I am it’s a form of comfort blanket having that checklist to run through with the builders at suitable points in the project. Little bit of this here and what about that bit there – you just need to hear it from the horse’s mouth that all those little nitty gritty things will be taken care of.

Patio doors from the outside

WINDOW TO THE SOUL

Eyes are the window to the soul so some believe but here is our new window to the patio. Precariously propped in situ with random timber supports, the side window to the kitchen is being made smaller by the builders who are raising the windowsill level to above work top height in order to accommodate the sink unit. 

Replacement window overlooking patio

“Do you want to keep the architrave madam as it’s not a very modern thing to have?” coded builder speak that roughly translates into ‘too much of a faff to put back’. Pause in telephone conversation whilst he’s thinking “Hmm, loads of effort to mitre new corners, not to mention the fact that we’re not all that careful when ripping out the old Victorian features. Better off with a bit of plastered edging.” Meanwhile, I’m hanging on the other end of my mobile phone in the office corridor on my way to the ladies toilet, wincing at the loss of a nice bit of fancy woodwork and cursing the demise of good old fashioned carpentry skills. Not wanting to appear a troublesome client or un-hip by quibbling on the latest DIY trends, I hastily agree to kiss goodbye to the window architrave and return to my spreadsheets.

After day one - tiles off & appliances disconnected

Not surprisingly, I arrived home from the office to find the oven and kitchen sink already disconnected. So soon? I’d been counting on the appliances remaining in use at least until tomorrow night’s online shopping delivery of microwaveable meals and pot-noodle but these builders don’t hang about. Still look on the bright side, I’ve finally found a use for that supply of children’s party plates and plastic tumblers I’ve been hoarding since my son’s 10th birthday and the other half is rejoicing in not having to wash up. He’s magically freed up some play-station time without having to come up with a plausible excuse!

THE EVE OF DESTRUCTION

Like a phoenix about to be reborn from the ashes of its funeral pyre, so too will our new kitchen rise up from the greasy, dusty remains of the old. In a crazy sense, it might have been fun torching the old one thus launching Project Nouvelle Cuisine with a touch of melodrama and symbolism likened to the legend of the phoenix but as I can’t even find the gravy granules for tonight’s dinner, it might have been a nightmare trying to unearth enough clean cups to offer the fire brigade a brew after the conflagration.

Dismantling kitchen units

It’s a bit of a tight squeeze in the dining room to say the least. Boxes of crockery, cleaning materials (little used) and a mountain of Tupperware all vying for space amongst the usual laundry clutter scattered across the room. For the next 3-4 weeks, I envisage our world being an endless melee of cramped microwaveable dinners followed by a stream of unrepeatable oaths as it’ll suddenly dawn on us that the old sink isn’t plumbed in and there are no paper plates in the house. Subway, Subway, wherefore art thou Subway?

Anyone seen the gravy granules?

But no pain, no gain. Take a good look at this bleak and empty room as over the next few weeks, you’ll witness the birth of our kitchen phoenix live on the internet. (mental note – add paper plates and plastic cutlery to next week’s shopping list).

Ready for the builders to begin

THAT'S CHEATING!

Time’s money when you’re in the banking business and these days, dedicated gardening time has to be crammed into a specially allocated slot in an already overflowing weekend agenda, shoe-horned somewhere between cleaning the shower and selling tickets for teenage son’s latest drama production.

Fortunately for time-starved gardeners, the convenience orientated society we live in has come up with the perfect solution – pre-grown veg and bedding plants. Those days of potting up seeds, fussing over a hot propagator and pricking out seedlings have long gone as only the unemployed or retired have time in copious amounts to do so. They are the time millionaires of today’s gardening world. Everyone else has to try and fit in that green fingered moment as and when they can.

Hey presto - a ready made veggie bed

Thus in the space of a day, my fruit and veg emporium has been transformed from a derelict allotment into a thriving metropolis of growth thanks to a few trays of ready grown plants. When you weigh up the cost of good quality vegetable seeds, buying ready grown plants is often not that much more expensive and at least you are guaranteed germination. There’s also less wastage of seeds. 

Celeriac - 'Brilliant' variety

We bought our plants from a local Wyevale Garden Centre. Their 3 trays for £10 offer provides a good selection of vegetables to choose from. We’ve gone for a tray of celeriac (9 plants), 2 trays of carrots and a couple of tomato plants (£1.50 each). It’s always tempting to go for exotic specimens or vegetables that might be expensive to buy in the shops but unless you are able to replicate the right growing conditions, I find it’s better to stick to family favourites or those that you know are guaranteed to produce a good crop. Even carrots which are cheap to buy in the supermarket always taste fresher and better when grown in your own garden.

12 plants for £3.30 - almost cheaper than seeds

But it’s not all cheating as I’ve still sown mangetout, dwarf beans, beetroots and swedes all from seed so a good balance of pre-grown and home grown.

A good year for figs 

Dandelion clock