GIVING WORK THE FINGER

Work is bad for your health but then you don’t need me to tell you this, right? 

First it was carpel tunnel syndrome that consigned me to the top of the occupational health scrapheap.  This extremely painful condition is the by-product of years of office work namely typing or keyboarding.  Back then, surgery was the only remedy since science had failed to develop human clones or robots to take our place at work.

Carpel Tunnel syndrome - a common condition in office workers

Fifteen years later and brainwashed like all work-force drones into not breaking the economic commandment ‘Thou Shalt Not Give Up Employment’, I’m suffering from repetitive strain injury in both arms.  Yes, I’m broken.  Beyond repair.  Surgery (if at all available on the NHS these days) is not even an option.

According to my doctor who repeatedly tells me to give up typing but doesn’t so much as prescribe a painkiller to help me get over my aches and pains, quitting work is the only way forward.  Retire?  At 55 years of age?  But even the Queen’s still at it.  Not that she probably needs to work as I’m sure she’s got enough salted away to keep her in cardies and Hob Nobs for the rest of her days but I guess when you’re the Head of State there’s no skiving off.

I wish I could be at home watching Jeremy Kyle

Now to add to my woes, I’ve a gammy finger.  An infection of the finger-tip and soft pad which has left me at a disadvantage for picking my nose or scratching itchy parts but is not serious enough (yet) for me to retire early on the grounds of ill health. 

Finger infections are very painful

What to do?  Chop off the offending digit or start up a bogus Ponzi scheme?  This at least might keep me in a luxurious life-style until I’m old enough to give up work or get caught.  Contrary to medical advice received, there aren’t many jobs around where use of your hands is not required unless I get employed on a sex chat line.

Maybe a new career direction?

So it’s a case of keep calm and carry on painting (and typing) until such time as I can chop both arms off and have them replaced with new bionic ones.  

Bad fingers are not an excuse to stop painting