PAINTWORK AND PAW PRINTS

Aargh!  Is that a black mark I see on my freshly painted Jasmine white windows?  On closer inspection it looks suspiciously like a paw print…

Looks like a paw print to me

Freshly painted windows in Dulux Jasmine white

Clearly this means a call to Scotland Yard.  Since real crime solving has been replaced by dealing with nonsensical ‘fake’ crimes such as draining pasta into the local water supply, calling your ex-husband’s girlfriend a horse on social media or buying up all the beer in town to deter Nazis from attending a rock festival (Germany), my case should be top of their list.  Police resources can always be found to tackle these types of serious misdemeanours so they should have plenty of under-utilised detectives to figure out which of our two infamous feline felons have perpetrated this terrible crime. 

Could it be ‘Desperate Dusty’ that grey, silent but stealthy ninja cat that somehow always manages to find a foothold on even the skinniest ledges?

Dusty - always where you least expect her

Don't let them fool you into thinking they're innocent

Or could it be the ‘Five Fingered Fat Cat’ that troublesome tabby who feigns sleep as a ruse to disguise the fact that she's busy masterminding a complex and dangerous heist of the Dreamy treats tin.  (Do cats have 5 ‘fingers’?  If they don’t they should have or this nickname is never going to work).

Fatty/Pookie - don't let that sleepy cat face fool you

She may be greedy but she doesn't miss a trick

It’s a mystery to be sure.  And one that is likely to remain unsolved for many years.  I’m hardly going to be able to check under their paws for white evidence without getting my hand shredded in the process, am I?

Now who's going to volunteer to check their paws?