CHICHESTER - BEST PLACE TO LIVE

Wow!  Chichester has been named as the ‘Best Place to Live in the South East of England’ in the annual Sunday Times guide, a document no doubt as influential as The Bible, Magna Carta or last weeks edition of Private Eye which is always a riveting read. 

Market Cross

Now whilst I don’t wish to pour oil on troubled waters, they’ve got enough of that in Poole at the moment, I do wish to add some of the finer points of living the Chi life that perhaps The Times left out of their rose-tinted report. 

So, what does anyone wishing to relocate to Chichester really need to know?  I’ll try to balance out some of the negatives with positives as having moved here two years ago then it can’t be all that bad. 

Unlike the sprawling noisy metropolis that is Bournemouth where we used to live, the pace of life in Chichester is certainly more genteel.  I would go as far as to say that Chi is a middle class, well to do town that prides itself on its English heritage.  The city centre with its ankle-twisting cobbled pedestrian precinct, dominant cathedral and eclectic collection of both chain and independent shops is indeed a pleasant place.  Everything is within walkable distance.  There is a good selection of pubs, cafes, restaurants, lots of charity shops, a couple of cinemas and a world class theatre.  There’s even a canal.  What’s not to like? 

Chichester cathedral

Now when I said that Chi was a well-to-do town what I meant is that it doesn’t do to be poor round these parts.  Most of the establishments in town are up market chains catering for those well above my pay grade and whilst I don’t begrudge quality or designer retailers for opening up a branch in town what is really needed are shops for ordinary folk earning basic salaries.  Shops such as Primark, Peacocks or Wilko would be welcomed with open arms but instead we get The Ivy and Oliver Bonas where a second mortgage is needed as soon as you step over the threshold.  Primark, Peacocks or Wilko if you are reading this, there are plenty of empty premises in our High Street where you would be more than welcome. 

And when I said that in Chi everything was within walking distance what I really meant is that it is a nightmare to drive round.  When you’re not stuck in a queue waiting for level crossing barriers to be lifted, you’re grappling with the navigational puzzle that makes up the one-way gyratory roads round the centre and the numpties driving on these.  The same numpties who don’t know what lane they should be in or fail to indicate as they weave in and out of traffic oblivious to the mayhem they’re causing to the driver behind.  You are likely to get around faster on foot and its safer! 

Even worse is the A27 approaching Chichester from either east or west directions, probably one of the worst thought out commuter routes in the country.  Through traffic is forced round a series of roundabouts skirting the city centre like a giant dot-to-dot.  The driving style round here can only be described as aggressive – speeding, tailgating, lane weaving, horn honking impatience is the order of the day especially on the roundabouts that appear to have been designed like a game of motoring Russian roulette.  Accidents are ten-a-penny and not a day goes by when local traffic news doesn’t mention queues at the Fishbourne roundabout.

 

Fishbourne roundabout - what a nightmare!

If you thought driving standards were bad then you haven’t seen the state of some of the local roads.  In Britain we drive on the left but what is really meant round here is we drive on what’s left of the roads.  I’m talking flooding and potholes which unlike some salad vegetables there definitely isn’t a shortage of.  The Quarry Lane lido is a popular bathing spot for pedestrians working on the industrial estate and when local roads can’t deal with surplus surface water, the council just close them rather than clear out drains or come up with a solution to the continual drainage problem. Be prepared for scenic detours. 

Summer time and the weather is hot and so are tempers on the A286 leading down to The Witterings beach.  If you fancy a day out at the only sandy beach close to Chichester then don’t forget to pre-book or pack emergency rations.  Day trippers have probably been known to die of thirst or starvation in their cars before they’ve even managed to get to the seaside as the traffic is that bad.  It’s quicker to drive to Bournemouth beach if you can get safely through the roundabouts. 

Earlier I mentioned that Chi does have a world class theatre and having been a patron of the performing arts for many a year, I can’t fault the fabulous Festival Theatre but what Chi does lack is a vibrant live music scene.  There is no dedicated concert hall or event venue for live music other than one or two of the local pubs so those of us who still have the energy to enjoy a mosh or two have to travel to nearby Worthing, Portsmouth, Southampton or Brighton to let our hair down and rock on.  Sadly, public transport other than trains if they run at all or operate that late is not an option. 

 

CFT - brilliant!

As well as being voted the best place to live, perhaps the Sunday Times should have voted Chichester as the newest London borough since there are probably more city slickers living here than in the Big Smoke itself.  Now I have nothing against Londoners but it seems they have brought with them some of the less attractive aspects of living in the capital such as the compulsory 12% service charge added to restaurant bills, higher prices for fuel and second home ownership. 

So there you have it, it’s official - Chichester is the best place to live but only if you have a fat wallet, drive like a lunatic and are happy to spend summer in your back garden.  We love Chi and as Meatloaf once said ‘two out of three ain’t bad’.