WOOD PANEL PLANNING

‘Can’t we cheat and buy one of those off-the-shelf panelling kits?’ moans the other half at the thought that my latest and greatest home improvement idea might involve the dreaded ‘C’ word.

Panel kits?  Not at those prices

‘C’ for cutting or carpentry – either way, he hates it almost as much as he hates people walking down a street clutching a cup of coffee or wearing overly large cans (headphones) both of which have him spitting feathers in seconds. ‘Bloody morons should learn to live in the real world’ he’d shout out if he could but in today’s permanently outraged, wokey, cancelled-at-the-drop-of-a-hat society, best you can do is stick on a poker face and say nothing.

Don’t you worry your pretty little head, darling. Minimal cutting required. Off you pop and play with your racing cars. I’ll call you when you’re needed. Men!!!

The beauty of working part-time is you can devote an entire afternoon to simply measuring up walls because as I’ve discovered with these panelling projects, it’s all down to accurately working out what sizes to cut your timber.

To this end, I’ve broken the corridor down into 7 separate sections; one for each panel square to be constructed. From an aerial view, the area we’re working on looks something like this – one long straight run, three sections round the kinky bit, two surrounding the toilet door and a final bit leading to the understairs cupboard.

Two of the various sections to panel

Bugger! Each section consists of completely different sizes; no two areas are alike. I like symmetry for this type of job but unless you create each section with verticals of different widths then it’s not going to be possible to make identical rectangles or squares. I’m just going to have to live with the fact that no two panelled areas are going to look the same. OK I can live with that (just).

The long straight radiator wall

To keep things simple, panels will be fashioned from 9mm thick MDF and sit on top of the existing skirting board. Using similar measurements to the panelled section we made in our bedroom, all horizontals will be 14 cm wide and all verticals 12 cm wide.  A picture moulding will be used inside each frame and a dado rail to cap the top of each panel section.

Decide on the height of your panels.  Most people go with a third of the total wall height but really this is a matter of personal choice.  Whatever height you choose, ensure that this is in keeping with the overall proportions of the wall and panelling style.

Shaker style panels look better as tall, slim segments whereas for  Victorian/Edwardian styles I would use larger square or rectangular segments.

Draw a pencil line on the wall to mark the height of the panels (less dado rail).  To determine the height of each vertical piece, deduct both the widths (2 x 14 cm) from the total height.  

Example:  My panels are 94 cm total height.  94 cm less 28 cm = 66 cms.  Each vertical piece will measure 66 cms long x 12 cm wide.  

Your horizontal panel pieces will be the linear measurement of each individual section being panelled x 14 cm wide. 

Remember – measure twice, cut once. The all-important mantra of any home improvement project.

Now that I’ve got my MDF shopping list scribbled onto the bag of my cereal packet, I’m off to chat up the chaps in the timber mill once more.

TOILET FINITO

Snow. Yay!

Let it snow

A touch of the white stuff is the perfect excuse for slacking off DIY or anything else. Schools out. Cancel those trains. Call out the gritters. Everything grinds to a halt if so much as a flake falls. Although quite a few large flakes fell across the rooftops of Chi recently, the flurry lasted almost as long as a wine gum.

As the only way to keep warm is to continually move about (heating’s for the rich) then it’s back to El Boggo for what I hope may be the very very last time.

With the templated pine-board primped to an inch of its life, time for the moment of truth. And breathe. It now sits proudly on top of the back-to-wall loo unit, fabulously covering all our bodged handiwork as I hoped it would.

Painted panel fits perfectly across all units

Stand back to admire the end result. Definitely passes the ‘Fusspot’ Test. All units brought together in perfect harmony with a piece of painted pine. Who’d have thought it!

Almost looks like one whole ready-made unit

Plenty of space for all that toilet themed reading material, knick-knacks and the regulation potted plant beloved of interior designers showing off room layouts.

Add finishing touches

I guess it’s time to show off my poopy palace in case anyone out there wants to copy the idea for themselves. After all, the best ideas are those you’ve nicked or should I say ‘borrowed’ from elsewhere.

Anyway, if you did fancy a toilet like this one then here’s how to pull it all together. On the left-hand wall, there’s a vintage wooden mirror rescued from a charity shop for a second life in our heavenly haven. I toyed with the idea of a large circular mirror as these appear all the rage in bathrooms of today but felt that the lovely geometric design of this old boy would fit in better.

Given a second lease of life

Keeping to that geometric theme, a couple of gold metal hexagonal shelves fixed to the wall space next to the mirror. I think these shelves co-ordinate well with the gold shapes on the wallpaper. You can find similar ones on Ebay or Amazon for less than £15, in different colours too. Not suitable for very heavy objects as the frames are quite flimsy but you could use it to display a small potted plant.

Gold metal wall shelves

Gold coloured vintage style light-pull handle purchased from Ebay. Nice and solid to hold. Goes well with the other gold-coloured fixtures.

I like the solid feel of this light pull

Splash out on a few special items for a touch of decadence such as these wonderful swan loo accessories I bought in a sale from Anthropologie. They were the closest things to flying cranes I could source but look fabulous on the wall.

Anthropologie Swan towel holder

The only thing that’s a pain, is the toilet roll holder which does stick out quite a way from the wall and thus has a tendency to catch on your arm as you sit on the throne. Would have been a better design with the bar positioned closer to the wall.

Sticks out way too far from the wall

On the right-hand wall, a couple of framed Metropolis posters. You could probably also get away with some nice oriental themed artwork to go with the flying crane wallpaper design or some Japanese style bamboo wall fans. Be as creative as you like with your wall space, you don’t have to follow the herd.

Metropolis

And so, after almost 12 months in the making, I now declare this downstairs loo totally and utterly finished!

Finally finished

POLICY OF TRUTH

One interesting development to come out of this year’s Budget on the back of the continued freezing of tax thresholds is what to do about all those oldies whose only income comes from the state pension as they inch closer and closer to the tax cliff edge.

The Chancellor has said that people whose ONLY income comes from the state pension will not have to pay tax or at least not pay it until the year 2030.

Really?

Now I’ve highlighted the word ONLY because how is the Treasury or Revenue going to ascertain that you don’t have anything other than what the state provides to live on? Unless there is going to be some kind of ‘income assessment’ carried out on the over 65/67s then the Government has to rely on citizen truth and in my mind fessing up as to where you got your ‘readies’ from could be very nebulous.

I’m not saying old people are liars but almost everyone would do anything to avoid paying unnecessary tax including stretching the truth a bit. It’s not so much as ‘lying’ but the sin of omission. That cash-in-hand cleaning job, a few quid now and then from the kids, spare room or driveway rental, selling junk at the local car boot every week. I’ve even seen Silver Deliveroo collectors in the queue at McDonalds. I’m sure they’re not doing it for the love of or to combat loneliness but to supplement their retirement income.

Rachel then went on to explain that SMALL tax sums would normally be collected via a Simple Assessment process completed by the Revenue and we all know that nothing that ever spews from the mouth of HMRC is ever ‘simple’.

This time, I’m focussing my attention on the word SMALL in her statement. What would be classified as a small tax sum that would not be worth the administrative hassle to collect? Are we talking fifty quid or a couple of hundred?

There would have to be a benchmark amount below which any tax due could be excused or above which, the tax would need paying. For clarity and fairness, you simply cannot apply a random approach to this issue. A numerical line needs to be drawn somewhere because if there isn’t one then a pensioner falling into this category is always going to be living in fear of a brown envelope landing on the doormat with a tax demand.

Let’s look at this situation with a practical example. In this example, the tax threshold has been frozen at the current level of £12,570 until the year 2031.

Just for arguments sake, I’ve decided to increase the state pension amount every year from 2026 by 4% (slightly less than this year’s 4.8% increase). An increase of 4% would boost the annual state pension by about £500 or so every year.

Next year, a person with ONLY the state pension to live on would be £22 under the tax threshold. However, from 2027 onwards a 4% pension increase gives rise to taxable income. If the income tax rate remained at 20% until 2030 you’d lose a fifth of your income in tax.

So, back to my question – at what point would you send out a tax demand? Do you let people off a couple of hundred quid or not?

Multiply that couple of hundred quid by millions of state pensioners claiming they’ve got nothing else to live on and suddenly that’s a helluva lot of tax going uncollected.

Fairness doesn’t really come into it because a part time worker earning the same amount in annual salary is not going to be let off paying small amounts of income tax because it’s too much of an administrative hassle.  Definitely not.

Freezing tax thresholds was always going to give rise to this scenario so it should have come as no surprise to whatever party is in power. They should have already been working on a solution to this issue rather than now being caught on the back foot.

It remains to be seen how the Government take this forward. Will they:

Consider a form of Income Assessment for all pensioners? If they do, this could lead to a means tested state pension with lower amounts paid to those who paid into private pension schemes.  

Set a Tax Benchmark Amount to define which tax liabilities will be excused.

Or alternatively, will they create a new separate Tax Code purely for those pensioners with no other forms of retirement income but then you’d have to go back to the first point to identify those who qualify for a tax exemption and continue to re-assess their income until they no longer do.

The Chancellor is taking a big gamble relying solely on the policy of truth to determine how to take this forward.

If you didn't spot the article on the BBC website, you can access it in full from here:  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cev8ed9klz1o

SMORGASBORD

‘Invitation, please.’

‘Invitation? But I thought this Smorgasbord was for everyone.’

‘Not everyone madam. Just those with the broadest shoulders and besides, the event finished two days ago. Now clear off. And no, you can’t have a doggie bag.’

Well for those of you who bothered to sit in front of the telly Wednesday lunch time to watch the Budget, I can tell you it was only marginally more entertaining than Bargain Hunt only there were no real bargains to be had unless you’re the fifth child in a deprived family or a bingo player. Eyes down, look in as bingo duty scrapped!

If you happen to be a rich smoker, drinker, gambler who lives in a palace and drives an EV then my advice would be to downsize, trade your motor in for a dirty diesel and give up all those filthy little habits. This budget is homing in on you like a heat-seeking tax missile.

Let’s just say, I breathed a huge sigh of relief at not having to contend with any new levies, duties, taxes that hadn’t already been rumoured or leaked out prior to the main event which of course, thanks to the Office of Budget Irresponsibility was pretty much everything. Whoever pressed that ‘publish now’ button on their computer is in for a good kicking.  You just couldn't make it up, could you?

What this does mean is that I can still afford to continue my wood panelling project since there are no additional levies raised on home improvements or MDF. Phew.

Now that the budget dust has settled, we can all get back to those all-important Black Friday sales or Crimbo shopping. Even super scrimpers like me get seduced by the ‘dark’ side of Black Friday.

My rock n roll deals - a couple of discounted bottles of wild rhubarb floor cleaner (Amazon) and cheap tickets to the Jurassic Park Experience at Battersea Park (Wowcher).

Woo Hoo! Gotta love a bargain!

CORRIDORS OF POWER

Not content with having lots of niggly snagging to do in the downstairs toilet, I’m already percolating a new DIY idea for the corridor.

Exploring these posh country estates always gives rise to delusions of grandeur, inevitably leading to what I like to call a statement refurb project. Secretly, there’s a Mrs Bouquet in all of us and I’m no exception. I want a posh gaff even if I have to do it myself!

After a millionth trip to the downstairs loo, I looked around our corridor and naturally my eye was drawn to all those vast empty wall spaces. 

It's all a bit plain isn't it?

Surely, there’s something I can do to elevate this seemingly plain corridor into something grander.

This corridor needs to make more of a statement

How can you bring the best out of plain, boring old walls? Bit of MDF wood panelling, that’s how. It’s Changing Rooms all over again. Laurence, where are you when I need you most? I think it’s time to bring back this show.

Anyway, back to business. Wood panelling always begins with a tape measure, pencil and paper. The last time we embarked on a similar voyage was 2018 in our old house but I’ve slept since then so it’s a case of searching through the vintage blog vaults to see how I tackled this before.

And to add to the MDF challenge, our corridor is full of kinky bits which are going to make things a lot trickier to deal with than if we just had a couple of nice long walls. Still, if we can make a corner bookcase then we can do some kinky stuff. I’m always up for a bit of kinky even at my age!

How do you panel around kinky bits?

But first things first. Golden rule before rushing off like an over-enthusiastic puppy chasing a bluebottle is to draw up a cunning design plan.

Now, where’s that empty cereal box as I need to come up with a panel plan then raid the coffers before the Chancellor does.

LOO TOPPER - PART II

Back in Loo Loo Land, the quest to make a smart top piece for our cobbled together back to wall toilet storage unit continues. 

Having firkled about with cardboard and scissors to fashion a template for this top section, we eventually arrived at something resembling our wonky gap.  Transfer template across to pine board then cut carefully taking care not to deviate greatly from any of the pencilled lines.

Blue Peter DIY badge

 

And even then, it’s still a case of continual sanding of edges to take off any ‘humps’ or that proverbial gnat’s whisker preventing the board from slotting straight into place.  There’s really no exact science here, just repetitive tweaking/sanding until it all fits.

Hurrah!   The plank finally fits the gap

 

Now that we’ve finally got the perfect plank, it’s over to our paint workshop (lounge floor) for a couple of coats of primer, paint and furniture lacquer.  Fingers crossed all this liquid doesn’t make the bloody thing expand as it’s a tight squeeze as it is.

Priming and painting in the 'workshop'

LEONARDSLEE GARDENS

Forget the budget, boats or bungling politicians for all of five minutes – it’s time to grab cagoule and camera to head off into the wilderness to blow away those mental cobwebs with a bit of autumnal therapy.

Where best to revel in the magnificent colours of autumn than exploring the meandering woodland pathways of Leonardslee Gardens near Horsham.

Welcome to Leonardslee Gardens

Enjoying the last rays of autumn at Leonardslee Gardens

Feel those delicious rays of sunlight caressing your cheeks or peeping through the leafy canopies of trees shedding their summer attire ready for wintry bedtime.

I'm not the only one enjoying the sunshine

Last rays of autumn

Breathe in the earthy scent as you stride along gravelly tracks looking out for wildlife lurking in the undergrowth.

Hmm... smells of moss and mushrooms

No deer spotted but plenty of pheasants or squirrels.

This pheasant's feathers make it almost seem invisible

A reminder that Christmas is coming

Look! A flame red leaf glistens like a ruby against brown foliage underfoot.

I've found a tree ruby

Another tree ruby

So many beautiful shapes and colours everywhere you gaze.

Glorious golden colours

Dive into tranquil waters

Drop your head back towards the sky (something you rarely do with a dodgy neck) to see the fabulous golden canopy of this Champion tree. It’s like a natural stained-glass window with its graceful branches contrasting beautifully against the blue.

The Champion Tree

There’s plenty of artistic surprises around every corner as the gardens also have sculptures nestled amongst the foliage. Just look at this cheeky chappy:

Or this super-sized foot reminding me that I’ve yet to chase up my NHS referral to Dr Clodhopper.

Best foot forward

Having hugged a few trees, shuffled through piles and piles of dry leaves, taken a million photos of bark, lakes and wallabies...

Eucalyptus tree up close

There are many lakes to discover on your travels

G'day mate

Yes, there's even a collection of these cute little furry jumpers – I feel amazingly invigorated.

Don't look now - it's the paparazzi

Leonardslee is a great place for peaceful re-connection with nature. 

The wonders of nature

I feel like dancing too

Good gravel paths, most not too steep so suitable for walkers of all ages or abilities. Small benches dotted around if you need a rest. I’m sure we’ll return to re-inspect the landscape once next year’s blooms have made an appearance.

See you again

You can’t beat Mother Nature when it comes to guiding you back to a more even keel. One thing’s for sure, autumn is never a dull season.

Autumn view across the trees

Hello kitty

I'd like one of these in my garden

TAX THRESHOLD RAID?

What is better – a bird in the hand or two in a bush?

Well, that rather depends from whose perspective you’re looking at it and in the case of the Chancellor, she’s eyeing up the two in the bush like a drooling hyena. Of course I don't mean real birds but tax thresholds.

Following this morning’s surprise U turn on the proposed income tax hike, desperate revenue raising measures are now needed to a) fill the mythical black hole and b) calm the stock markets.

There may have been a collective sigh of relief at the prospect of no direct income tax increase. Hand on heart, the Government can say it hasn’t broken its election manifesto pledges but what we can’t see are the fingers crossed behind their backs. There’s still time to break the pledge big time by effecting a pincer movement on tax in the form of indirect stealth increases.

On the one hand, pushing out the freeze on income tax thresholds for another few years will drag a lot of fish into the fiscal tax net including pensioners who rely solely on the state pension for their income. Whilst not directly increasing income tax rates, it is still a tax increase nonetheless for those who previously obtained money for nothing ie no or low productivity in the workplace.

Be careful what you wish for as the second scenario of lowering the income tax threshold will hurt more than paying an extra 2p in the pound. Let me elaborate further with a couple of examples:

Let’s say we have someone who earns a gross annual salary of £20,000. If the threshold for 20% income tax remains the same at £12,570 then tax would only be paid on the difference as follows:

Current tax rate and tax threshold 

You would only pay tax on £7,430 (total income minus threshold amount) which at a rate of 20% is approx. £1,486 per annum

Now let’s look at what happens to your tax bill if the income tax rate is increased by 2p from 20% to 22% but the threshold remains frozen at £12,570:

Tax up but threshold unchanged

With an increased tax rate, this person is now paying £149 more in income tax than if the rate had remained at 20%.

However, rewind the clock to the first example. The Treasury has decided to lower the income tax threshold by £1,000 to £11,570 leaving the income tax rate unchanged at 20%. What happens now?

Tax rate unchanged but threshold lowered

As you can see, lowering the threshold has increased the amount of tax payable because the chunk of money on which tax is calculated is larger. This person is now paying £200 more in income tax than if the rates or thresholds had stayed unchanged. The difference between paying 2p more in tax or having a lower threshold means you’ll be £51 worse off.

So, if I ask the same question again – which would be better, having a slight increase in the rate of taxation or having a lower income tax threshold then what’s your answer going to be?

My third scenario also means that if the threshold were reduced by £1,000 from next April, then the Treasury would benefit earlier from the effects of fiscal drag on the recent increase to the state pension as at £12,548 this would now push ALL retirees firmly into tax territory in 2026. As well as pushing all pensioners into the tax net, any low paid or part time workers could also be swept along by the tax tide making it pointless to work at all.

Having got a taste for it, there would be nothing to stop future Chancellors lowering the personal tax threshold figure again and again until it eventually disappears in a puff of smoke.  Perhaps this is their heinous master plan after all.

Even a small tweaking of the tax threshold may have a larger negative impact on your income than raising the basic rate of taxation so before you break out the champagne and canapes then I say again be very careful what you wish for. We may have escaped the income tax frying pan only to find an inferno beneath it!