WOOD PANELS - FIRST SECTION

Starting our panel project with what I feel are going to be the easiest sections, those around the bathroom door all of which are largely big rectangles.

First wall section to panel

With pre-cut MDF pieces quick progress can be made in putting up these sections.

Begin by dry fitting. Place your horizontal/vertical pieces into position against the wall to double check measurements and get a feel for what your panel squares will look like.

If there are no alterations needed then the next step is fix them permanently to the wall otherwise nip, tuck, sand as required. As our walls are relatively flat having been plastered only recently then I’m moving straight onto adhesives. Guns out, CT1 to the ready! This stuff really does stick anything to any surface.

Bottoms up! Start by sticking the lower most horizontal piece above the skirting followed by each side vertical and lastly the top horizontal bar. 

Start from the bottom and work upwards

Add verticals to each end

Finally add the top horizontal bit

Press each bit firmly into place for around 5-10 minutes to give the CT1 a chance to bond. With a nice flat wall there should be no unsightly gaps. Use panel pins to secure if adhesive isn’t enough to keep it in place. Leave to dry.

Now originally, I primed each piece individually before sticking to the wall but that seemed like an almighty time consuming faff so from now on, I’m priming in situ.

OMG!  This is taking forever...

Once everything has dried solidly, time to add the panel mouldings to the inside edge of the central square. I’m using a 9 mm barrel moulding – the same thickness as my MDF so that it doesn’t stick out.

Panel mouldings typically come in lengths that are 2.4 metres long.  To work out how many lengths of moulding you'll need for your panel inserts, add up all the linear measurements of each square to arrive at a total length then divide by 2.4.  Remember to include a bit extra to allow for mitred cuts.  I usually round everything up as my thinking is that more is better than not enough.

Available from Covers Builders Merchants, Chichester

Small but perfectly formed

You’re using this moulding to essentially create a picture frame that sits inside your panel square. To do this, a mitre box is needed as all corners will need cutting at an angle to form a nice tidy joint.

Use a mitre box for perfect corner joints

Cut the moulding to the required measurement then mitre each end. Finely sand any ragged edges then dry fit into position. Repeat until you have four panel strips to form your frame. When you are satisfied that each strip fits neatly into position, glue into place. Leave to dry.

Dry fit then stick into place

Next. Inspect your handiwork closely and fill any hairline gaps with decorator’s caulk. Leave to dry for a few hours or overnight then sand caulked joints or any uneven areas with fine grit sandpaper.

Ready to prime

Once everything is as soft as a baby’s bottom, apply 2 coats of primer to wall and wood. I’ve used some leftover Zinsser BIN 1-2-3 for this applied with a small gloss sponge roller and brush.

Looking good so far

Stand back for visual assessment. Does anything look wonky or in need of TLC other than you that is? Nope. Great! 

Well, that’s the first bit done. And now dear readers, I’m swapping pine bead for pinny as it’s time to head to the kitchen to throw together the family fruit cake for Crimbo.  OMG - only 2 weeks to go!

WOOD PANEL PLANNING

‘Can’t we cheat and buy one of those off-the-shelf panelling kits?’ moans the other half at the thought that my latest and greatest home improvement idea might involve the dreaded ‘C’ word.

Panel kits?  Not at those prices

‘C’ for cutting or carpentry – either way, he hates it almost as much as he hates people walking down a street clutching a cup of coffee or wearing overly large cans (headphones) both of which have him spitting feathers in seconds. ‘Bloody morons should learn to live in the real world’ he’d shout out if he could but in today’s permanently outraged, wokey, cancelled-at-the-drop-of-a-hat society, best you can do is stick on a poker face and say nothing.

Don’t you worry your pretty little head, darling. Minimal cutting required. Off you pop and play with your racing cars. I’ll call you when you’re needed. Men!!!

The beauty of working part-time is you can devote an entire afternoon to simply measuring up walls because as I’ve discovered with these panelling projects, it’s all down to accurately working out what sizes to cut your timber.

To this end, I’ve broken the corridor down into 7 separate sections; one for each panel square to be constructed. From an aerial view, the area we’re working on looks something like this – one long straight run, three sections round the kinky bit, two surrounding the toilet door and a final bit leading to the understairs cupboard.

Two of the various sections to panel

Bugger! Each section consists of completely different sizes; no two areas are alike. I like symmetry for this type of job but unless you create each section with verticals of different widths then it’s not going to be possible to make identical rectangles or squares. I’m just going to have to live with the fact that no two panelled areas are going to look the same. OK I can live with that (just).

The long straight radiator wall

To keep things simple, panels will be fashioned from 9mm thick MDF and sit on top of the existing skirting board. Using similar measurements to the panelled section we made in our bedroom, all horizontals will be 14 cm wide and all verticals 12 cm wide.  A picture moulding will be used inside each frame and a dado rail to cap the top of each panel section.

Decide on the height of your panels.  Most people go with a third of the total wall height but really this is a matter of personal choice.  Whatever height you choose, ensure that this is in keeping with the overall proportions of the wall and panelling style.

Shaker style panels look better as tall, slim segments whereas for  Victorian/Edwardian styles I would use larger square or rectangular segments.

Draw a pencil line on the wall to mark the height of the panels (less dado rail).  To determine the height of each vertical piece, deduct both the widths (2 x 14 cm) from the total height.  

Example:  My panels are 94 cm total height.  94 cm less 28 cm = 66 cms.  Each vertical piece will measure 66 cms long x 12 cm wide.  

Your horizontal panel pieces will be the linear measurement of each individual section being panelled x 14 cm wide. 

Remember – measure twice, cut once. The all-important mantra of any home improvement project.

Now that I’ve got my MDF shopping list scribbled onto the bag of my cereal packet, I’m off to chat up the chaps in the timber mill once more.

TOILET FINITO

Snow. Yay!

Let it snow

A touch of the white stuff is the perfect excuse for slacking off DIY or anything else. Schools out. Cancel those trains. Call out the gritters. Everything grinds to a halt if so much as a flake falls. Although quite a few large flakes fell across the rooftops of Chi recently, the flurry lasted almost as long as a wine gum.

As the only way to keep warm is to continually move about (heating’s for the rich) then it’s back to El Boggo for what I hope may be the very very last time.

With the templated pine-board primped to an inch of its life, time for the moment of truth. And breathe. It now sits proudly on top of the back-to-wall loo unit, fabulously covering all our bodged handiwork as I hoped it would.

Painted panel fits perfectly across all units

Stand back to admire the end result. Definitely passes the ‘Fusspot’ Test. All units brought together in perfect harmony with a piece of painted pine. Who’d have thought it!

Almost looks like one whole ready-made unit

Plenty of space for all that toilet themed reading material, knick-knacks and the regulation potted plant beloved of interior designers showing off room layouts.

Add finishing touches

I guess it’s time to show off my poopy palace in case anyone out there wants to copy the idea for themselves. After all, the best ideas are those you’ve nicked or should I say ‘borrowed’ from elsewhere.

Anyway, if you did fancy a toilet like this one then here’s how to pull it all together. On the left-hand wall, there’s a vintage wooden mirror rescued from a charity shop for a second life in our heavenly haven. I toyed with the idea of a large circular mirror as these appear all the rage in bathrooms of today but felt that the lovely geometric design of this old boy would fit in better.

Given a second lease of life

Keeping to that geometric theme, a couple of gold metal hexagonal shelves fixed to the wall space next to the mirror. I think these shelves co-ordinate well with the gold shapes on the wallpaper. You can find similar ones on Ebay or Amazon for less than £15, in different colours too. Not suitable for very heavy objects as the frames are quite flimsy but you could use it to display a small potted plant.

Gold metal wall shelves

Gold coloured vintage style light-pull handle purchased from Ebay. Nice and solid to hold. Goes well with the other gold-coloured fixtures.

I like the solid feel of this light pull

Splash out on a few special items for a touch of decadence such as these wonderful swan loo accessories I bought in a sale from Anthropologie. They were the closest things to flying cranes I could source but look fabulous on the wall.

Anthropologie Swan towel holder

The only thing that’s a pain, is the toilet roll holder which does stick out quite a way from the wall and thus has a tendency to catch on your arm as you sit on the throne. Would have been a better design with the bar positioned closer to the wall.

Sticks out way too far from the wall

On the right-hand wall, a couple of framed Metropolis posters. You could probably also get away with some nice oriental themed artwork to go with the flying crane wallpaper design or some Japanese style bamboo wall fans. Be as creative as you like with your wall space, you don’t have to follow the herd.

Metropolis

And so, after almost 12 months in the making, I now declare this downstairs loo totally and utterly finished!

Finally finished

POLICY OF TRUTH

One interesting development to come out of this year’s Budget on the back of the continued freezing of tax thresholds is what to do about all those oldies whose only income comes from the state pension as they inch closer and closer to the tax cliff edge.

The Chancellor has said that people whose ONLY income comes from the state pension will not have to pay tax or at least not pay it until the year 2030.

Really?

Now I’ve highlighted the word ONLY because how is the Treasury or Revenue going to ascertain that you don’t have anything other than what the state provides to live on? Unless there is going to be some kind of ‘income assessment’ carried out on the over 65/67s then the Government has to rely on citizen truth and in my mind fessing up as to where you got your ‘readies’ from could be very nebulous.

I’m not saying old people are liars but almost everyone would do anything to avoid paying unnecessary tax including stretching the truth a bit. It’s not so much as ‘lying’ but the sin of omission. That cash-in-hand cleaning job, a few quid now and then from the kids, spare room or driveway rental, selling junk at the local car boot every week. I’ve even seen Silver Deliveroo collectors in the queue at McDonalds. I’m sure they’re not doing it for the love of or to combat loneliness but to supplement their retirement income.

Rachel then went on to explain that SMALL tax sums would normally be collected via a Simple Assessment process completed by the Revenue and we all know that nothing that ever spews from the mouth of HMRC is ever ‘simple’.

This time, I’m focussing my attention on the word SMALL in her statement. What would be classified as a small tax sum that would not be worth the administrative hassle to collect? Are we talking fifty quid or a couple of hundred?

There would have to be a benchmark amount below which any tax due could be excused or above which, the tax would need paying. For clarity and fairness, you simply cannot apply a random approach to this issue. A numerical line needs to be drawn somewhere because if there isn’t one then a pensioner falling into this category is always going to be living in fear of a brown envelope landing on the doormat with a tax demand.

Let’s look at this situation with a practical example. In this example, the tax threshold has been frozen at the current level of £12,570 until the year 2031.

Just for arguments sake, I’ve decided to increase the state pension amount every year from 2026 by 4% (slightly less than this year’s 4.8% increase). An increase of 4% would boost the annual state pension by about £500 or so every year.

Next year, a person with ONLY the state pension to live on would be £22 under the tax threshold. However, from 2027 onwards a 4% pension increase gives rise to taxable income. If the income tax rate remained at 20% until 2030 you’d lose a fifth of your income in tax.

So, back to my question – at what point would you send out a tax demand? Do you let people off a couple of hundred quid or not?

Multiply that couple of hundred quid by millions of state pensioners claiming they’ve got nothing else to live on and suddenly that’s a helluva lot of tax going uncollected.

Fairness doesn’t really come into it because a part time worker earning the same amount in annual salary is not going to be let off paying small amounts of income tax because it’s too much of an administrative hassle.  Definitely not.

Freezing tax thresholds was always going to give rise to this scenario so it should have come as no surprise to whatever party is in power. They should have already been working on a solution to this issue rather than now being caught on the back foot.

It remains to be seen how the Government take this forward. Will they:

Consider a form of Income Assessment for all pensioners? If they do, this could lead to a means tested state pension with lower amounts paid to those who paid into private pension schemes.  

Set a Tax Benchmark Amount to define which tax liabilities will be excused.

Or alternatively, will they create a new separate Tax Code purely for those pensioners with no other forms of retirement income but then you’d have to go back to the first point to identify those who qualify for a tax exemption and continue to re-assess their income until they no longer do.

The Chancellor is taking a big gamble relying solely on the policy of truth to determine how to take this forward.

If you didn't spot the article on the BBC website, you can access it in full from here:  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cev8ed9klz1o

SMORGASBORD

‘Invitation, please.’

‘Invitation? But I thought this Smorgasbord was for everyone.’

‘Not everyone madam. Just those with the broadest shoulders and besides, the event finished two days ago. Now clear off. And no, you can’t have a doggie bag.’

Well for those of you who bothered to sit in front of the telly Wednesday lunch time to watch the Budget, I can tell you it was only marginally more entertaining than Bargain Hunt only there were no real bargains to be had unless you’re the fifth child in a deprived family or a bingo player. Eyes down, look in as bingo duty scrapped!

If you happen to be a rich smoker, drinker, gambler who lives in a palace and drives an EV then my advice would be to downsize, trade your motor in for a dirty diesel and give up all those filthy little habits. This budget is homing in on you like a heat-seeking tax missile.

Let’s just say, I breathed a huge sigh of relief at not having to contend with any new levies, duties, taxes that hadn’t already been rumoured or leaked out prior to the main event which of course, thanks to the Office of Budget Irresponsibility was pretty much everything. Whoever pressed that ‘publish now’ button on their computer is in for a good kicking.  You just couldn't make it up, could you?

What this does mean is that I can still afford to continue my wood panelling project since there are no additional levies raised on home improvements or MDF. Phew.

Now that the budget dust has settled, we can all get back to those all-important Black Friday sales or Crimbo shopping. Even super scrimpers like me get seduced by the ‘dark’ side of Black Friday.

My rock n roll deals - a couple of discounted bottles of wild rhubarb floor cleaner (Amazon) and cheap tickets to the Jurassic Park Experience at Battersea Park (Wowcher).

Woo Hoo! Gotta love a bargain!

CORRIDORS OF POWER

Not content with having lots of niggly snagging to do in the downstairs toilet, I’m already percolating a new DIY idea for the corridor.

Exploring these posh country estates always gives rise to delusions of grandeur, inevitably leading to what I like to call a statement refurb project. Secretly, there’s a Mrs Bouquet in all of us and I’m no exception. I want a posh gaff even if I have to do it myself!

After a millionth trip to the downstairs loo, I looked around our corridor and naturally my eye was drawn to all those vast empty wall spaces. 

It's all a bit plain isn't it?

Surely, there’s something I can do to elevate this seemingly plain corridor into something grander.

This corridor needs to make more of a statement

How can you bring the best out of plain, boring old walls? Bit of MDF wood panelling, that’s how. It’s Changing Rooms all over again. Laurence, where are you when I need you most? I think it’s time to bring back this show.

Anyway, back to business. Wood panelling always begins with a tape measure, pencil and paper. The last time we embarked on a similar voyage was 2018 in our old house but I’ve slept since then so it’s a case of searching through the vintage blog vaults to see how I tackled this before.

And to add to the MDF challenge, our corridor is full of kinky bits which are going to make things a lot trickier to deal with than if we just had a couple of nice long walls. Still, if we can make a corner bookcase then we can do some kinky stuff. I’m always up for a bit of kinky even at my age!

How do you panel around kinky bits?

But first things first. Golden rule before rushing off like an over-enthusiastic puppy chasing a bluebottle is to draw up a cunning design plan.

Now, where’s that empty cereal box as I need to come up with a panel plan then raid the coffers before the Chancellor does.

LOO TOPPER - PART II

Back in Loo Loo Land, the quest to make a smart top piece for our cobbled together back to wall toilet storage unit continues. 

Having firkled about with cardboard and scissors to fashion a template for this top section, we eventually arrived at something resembling our wonky gap.  Transfer template across to pine board then cut carefully taking care not to deviate greatly from any of the pencilled lines.

Blue Peter DIY badge

 

And even then, it’s still a case of continual sanding of edges to take off any ‘humps’ or that proverbial gnat’s whisker preventing the board from slotting straight into place.  There’s really no exact science here, just repetitive tweaking/sanding until it all fits.

Hurrah!   The plank finally fits the gap

 

Now that we’ve finally got the perfect plank, it’s over to our paint workshop (lounge floor) for a couple of coats of primer, paint and furniture lacquer.  Fingers crossed all this liquid doesn’t make the bloody thing expand as it’s a tight squeeze as it is.

Priming and painting in the 'workshop'

LEONARDSLEE GARDENS

Forget the budget, boats or bungling politicians for all of five minutes – it’s time to grab cagoule and camera to head off into the wilderness to blow away those mental cobwebs with a bit of autumnal therapy.

Where best to revel in the magnificent colours of autumn than exploring the meandering woodland pathways of Leonardslee Gardens near Horsham.

Welcome to Leonardslee Gardens

Enjoying the last rays of autumn at Leonardslee Gardens

Feel those delicious rays of sunlight caressing your cheeks or peeping through the leafy canopies of trees shedding their summer attire ready for wintry bedtime.

I'm not the only one enjoying the sunshine

Last rays of autumn

Breathe in the earthy scent as you stride along gravelly tracks looking out for wildlife lurking in the undergrowth.

Hmm... smells of moss and mushrooms

No deer spotted but plenty of pheasants or squirrels.

This pheasant's feathers make it almost seem invisible

A reminder that Christmas is coming

Look! A flame red leaf glistens like a ruby against brown foliage underfoot.

I've found a tree ruby

Another tree ruby

So many beautiful shapes and colours everywhere you gaze.

Glorious golden colours

Dive into tranquil waters

Drop your head back towards the sky (something you rarely do with a dodgy neck) to see the fabulous golden canopy of this Champion tree. It’s like a natural stained-glass window with its graceful branches contrasting beautifully against the blue.

The Champion Tree

There’s plenty of artistic surprises around every corner as the gardens also have sculptures nestled amongst the foliage. Just look at this cheeky chappy:

Or this super-sized foot reminding me that I’ve yet to chase up my NHS referral to Dr Clodhopper.

Best foot forward

Having hugged a few trees, shuffled through piles and piles of dry leaves, taken a million photos of bark, lakes and wallabies...

Eucalyptus tree up close

There are many lakes to discover on your travels

G'day mate

Yes, there's even a collection of these cute little furry jumpers – I feel amazingly invigorated.

Don't look now - it's the paparazzi

Leonardslee is a great place for peaceful re-connection with nature. 

The wonders of nature

I feel like dancing too

Good gravel paths, most not too steep so suitable for walkers of all ages or abilities. Small benches dotted around if you need a rest. I’m sure we’ll return to re-inspect the landscape once next year’s blooms have made an appearance.

See you again

You can’t beat Mother Nature when it comes to guiding you back to a more even keel. One thing’s for sure, autumn is never a dull season.

Autumn view across the trees

Hello kitty

I'd like one of these in my garden