HOLED OUT

I can’t dig any more. No really, if I do my body will be so broken that even Dr Gaffer won’t be able to stick me back together again.

So, this is it. This is where the pond will sit inside the frame. It could have been lower but no, enough is enough!

That's it - no more digging

There’s a giant hole in the ground almost half a metre deep. It is pond shaped or thereabouts. If it’s good enough for you then it’s good enough for me.

That's one deep hole

Remarkably level too considering I didn’t use any measuring gauges or other devices to determine the flatness of the pit’s bottom. Place pond in hole then use a long spirit level to make sure it’s not on the piss. Bubble looks dead centre. Perfect!

Check pond is level

Even though my new pond cost nothing, I don’t want to risk any damage to either bottom or sides so I’ve laid out a layer of surplus roofing membrane across the bottom of the hole then covered it with a thick stratum of fine building sand to prevent any missed stones piercing the plastic. A nice cushion for it to sit on.

Using up leftovers

Nice thick layer of sand on top of the membrane

Carefully lower pond into its final resting place and again, check that it is all level. Looks great!

Pond laid to rest

But it doesn’t end there because some of what’s come out has to go back in to plug the gaps between the side of the pond and the trench. You’ve got to be kidding, right? ‘Fraid not.

And this is why you need to save all that displaced soil when you’re digging out holes. The task is now to sieve the soil so that it’s completely free of smaller rocks before you pour it into a narrow aperture.

Weirdly, I found it easiest to do this using one of those large blue IKEA bags. I sieved a little bit of soil directly into the blue bag. Lifting it by both handles helped to create a pouring lip large enough to tip the dirt into the small gap in a controlled fashion. If you do this carefully a little bit at a time then it also prevents a lot of soil landing in the pond.

Tidiest way to sieve soil - use an IKEA bag

Another reason for doing this slowly is that once the soil is in the gap, you have to somehow try and compact it with your hand to fill all those hollows that form part of the pond’s shape. Clever landscapers dig out their holes including shapes and shelves but that’s not a magic trick I’m familiar with so I’m having to do it a different way.

It’s important to ensure the pond is properly supported because once filled, the added weight of the water will put pressure on any unpropped plastic which may give rise to damage later on.

Gap round pond filled in with sieved soil

Hours of sieving later… Pond sides and hollows filled with beautifully fine, stone-free soil. I’ve very sore hands but a lovely svelte waistline from all this jiggling about. Hand sieving - wonder cure for muffin tops.

One bag of displaced dirt has miraculously disappeared only to be replaced by four sacks of stones. It’s a magic trick worthy of Paul Daniels or Jesus.

Is there no end to these stones?