DEATH BY A 1000 MILES

One of the worst things about epic adventures like these is the flight.  It’s about time the government allocated resources into developing time travel instead of spending zillions on bombing Iraqis.   There really are better ways to spend 10 hours than being shoe-horned into a flying peasant chariot, forced to breath in every recycled cough, sneeze or fart contributed by fellow passengers (I counted 10 farts by the time we hit the coast of Greenland and most of them were mine!).

Heathrow Terminal 5

Airplanes like hospitals are the last place on earth you can actually sleep in.  Planes are after all,  designed for flying not sleeping.  Banish any thoughts of banking a few zeds before you land, they don’t call it the ‘red eye’ for nothing.  My peepers looked like 2 squashed tomatoes by the time we checked in at the hotel.  No wonder people save up their pennies to splash out on first class.  Whilst we had to make do with a coffee coloured dog blanket, first class punters had nice little quilted coverlets and a pod of their own to stretch out in.  Bastards!

For those of you who know the dangers of waking a sleeping grizzly bear before it’s had enough sleep then you’ll appreciate how lethal it can be to approach one with jet lag.  My temper explosi-meter level was definitely peaking into the red due to lack of tea on the flight.   I can honestly say that British Airways made Michael O’Leary look like a benevolent deity as at least you can buy drinks on Ryanair flights.  This flight was more like death by a 1000 miles but less humane.  Only 50 minutes before landing did we get served a second cup of tea which is a bit like throwing a bucket of water over a camel after it’s crossed the entire Sahara in the baking heat.   Ah the horrors of long haul flying!

Hurrah - we've arrived!

Still, we’re here now.  I’m sat in a lovely green, fern themed room on the 7^th floor of the Chancellor Hotel.  I’ve had a few hours kip so feeling refreshed and raring to go.  Trouble is, whilst my brain thinks it’s 9.30 am UK time, the clock here says is 1.20 am and halfway through the night hence the late night blog update.

Chancellor Hotel - Union Square

Why is there a bottle opener in the bathroom?

A few words about the Chancellor Hotel.  Aside from the lovely fern green room, the hotel appears to provide everything a traveller could wish for.  There’s a free supply of coffee, cookies and popcorn in the lobby, free Wi-fi , (superfast too – I’m blogging at high speed here) and there’s a pillow menu.  Well come on, this is America after all and pillows are high on the list of travelling comforts although I think the free cookies are amazing!

CALIFORNIA ROAD TRIP BEGINS

After months of planning and waiting, I can’t believe it’s the night before our epic road trip to California.  Here we are killing time at the Heathrow Travelodge counting down the hours to tomorrow’s long flight to San Francisco.

Travelodge Heston M4 - great for Purple Parking

Chilling out before the great adventure

Feeling both excited and nervous.  Excited at the thought of the amazing adventure we’re going to have over the next four weeks but nervous at the thought of all those great unknowns we’ll be facing.  Just the thought of being sat for about 10 hours in a tightly packed flying sardine can with a crying baby - now that’s pretty scary!  I’ll be sending up a few Hail Mary’s at bedtime in the hope of an upgrade.

Leaving on a jet plane at 11.30 am tomorrow from Terminal 5 so next update will be direct from the Chancellor Hotel in Union Square on the other side of the globe.

THIS IS JAM HOT!

Amid the frenzy of holiday packing, driving around Hampshire collecting flower pots for my brother and getting the other half to chase out huge spiders from the corridor (note to self - more conkers needed!), I freed up a few hours to have a go at jam making.  Well, what else was I going to do with all the blackberries harvested this year?  If anyone out there has a quick and easy way of making blackberry liqueur please send over details but I’m sure that with a bit of google research I could probably conjure up a recipe for some wicked berry vodka in next to no time.

Preparing to jam it up

Unbelievably, we’d amassed over 7lb of berries (blackberry and blackcurrant) in the space of 2 years which is pretty good going for our very small shrub patch.  All have now been pulped, boiled and potted into jam jars ready to set in a nice cool, dark cupboard.

It's never all going to fit

Jam making is longer process than I thought although fairly straight forward once you’ve gathered up all your ingredients.  The hardest part is trying to figure out what quantity of jars you’ll need as it’s not easy to visualise the end result from the fruits you start with.  

Before pulping down

Big pot and a good bit of elbow grease needed to squish your fruit down into a nice gloopy pulp. 

Horrified at the amount of caster sugar that goes into jam.  I used 10 lb for my 7 lb worth of berries.  The NHS will be suing me for compensation as diabetes levels are bound to go through the roof after a few rounds of toast with some of this stuff! 

After a good mushing, bring to the boil

Next a good boiling.  Jam might look pretty harmless in a nice glass jar but heated up, it’s lethal.  Hot jam on skin or even on the cooker should be avoided at all costs.  Ouch! When it cools on the hob or your utensils, it’s like trying to remove superglue.  Clean as you go and don’t get too close once the boiling really gets going unless you’ve got asbestos arms.

Certifiably high in sugar

After a good boil add Certo.  If by this time you haven’t given up the will to live what with all that effort in mushing, stirring, avoiding the molten jam lava and realising your pot is too small then you are now only one small step away from preserve nirvana.  Certo, probably short for certifiably high in sugar, is the magical ingredient that will turn your liquid Ribena into lovely, thick tasty jam. 

Gonna need a bigger pot

Leave to cool for a bit and pot up into sterilised jam jars.  Confession to make here – I didn’t sterilise mine.  No-one ever died from using a brand new jar straight from the shop without sterilising it first, right?  And besides which for those OCD cooks reading this, there was also a cat watching so I guess more germs.  Maybe the odd hair or two.  Though I did wash my hands beforehand.  Well, before stroking the cat that is but seriously, I can assure you that there are unlikely to be any fatalities in our family resulting from jam consumption made with unsterilized jars or using feline catering assistants.

Can I help?

Potting up jam into jars – get a special shiny funnel thingy to help.  Ideal for messy and cack-handed cooks like me who get a bit carried away when ladling out sloppy stuff into containers with small openings.  Even the cat was impressed by my dexterity and lack of sticky residue on the kitchen table. Oh and yes, I am wearing a pink towelling turban.

She's bound to make a mess

Cor - she didn't spill a drop!

Finally add a circle of wax paper, a nice air tight lid and not forgetting a label.  Very important to stick a date on your jar especially if like me, you’re then going to leave it in a cupboard for the next decade or survivors come across it in the rubble of your house after the apocalypse.  

Voila!  Nineteen jars of lovely home-made blackberry jam.  Tried some on my toast this morning and mmmm, it was delicious.

Guess what you're getting for Christmas?

DIVIDE AND CONKER

Got a pocketful of conkers this morning foraged from my daily stroll through Poole Park on the way in to work.  I’m testing the old wives tale that they keep spiders out of the house as I’ve seen a few hairy scary ones lurking and looking suspiciously like they’re searching for a winter holiday home.  Turn your back for a minute and they’d be in like a shot! Conkers seem a bit more humane than a fly spray as a spider deterrent.  Let’s hope the old wives were right.

I love conkers.  They’re so shiny, with their soft velvety feel and that deep, rich, orangey brown colour.  There’s a pleasing roundness to conkers, a bit like a perfect pebble.  You just want to roll them around in the palm of your hand or juggle them in your fingers.  The park is littered with conkers.  No need to throw big sticks up into branches to bring down the green knobbly pods – rather disappointing really as I’ve got many a fond memory of stick throwing down at Meyrick Park in the dim, distant past.

I always think of conkers as the dividing line between summer and autumn.  Nights are drawing in and there’s a heavy dewy freshness across the park greenery in the morning, a sure sign that we’ll be counting down the shopping days to Christmas before long.  (Actually, I think one of the girls at work has been doing this since mid-August).

Luckily there’s still that small window of photographic opportunity open before night fall in which to while away a few hours in the great outdoors.  

Exploring the New Forest

Trickling forest stream

Mosses, leaves and lichen

Autumn colours

Magic mushroom?

New Forest lawnmower

Have you spoken to my agent?

Dusk descends on the heather

Moonlight sonata