SIXTY NOT OUT

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me ….

 

It wouldn't be a proper birthday without a yellow ticket card

It’s a new year and today I’ve reached the big 6 0!  Woo hoooo!  At last I can apply for a senior railcard and get 10% off my shopping every Tuesday in Iceland.  Brilliant!

 

Tuesday is now my favourite day of the week

Reflecting on life, it’s sad but exciting to think that I’m already two thirds through my statistical life expectancy which in the UK is currently 83 years for any female born today. 

Being a spreadsheet saddo, here’s my life graph showing how those 60 years have been spent and forecasting the rest of my allotted timespan:

 

MY LIFE GRAPH
How my life is looking
Average life expectancy for females in UK is 83 years (as at 2022)
0-18 yrs		18 - 67 yrs					67 - 83 yrs		83 - 100 yrs
Childhood/Education		Work					Retirement		Bonus time
18 yrs		49 yrs					16 yrs		17 yrs

When you look at the linear timeframe of your life then try to project it to say 100 years from the day you were born, it does paint an interesting picture. 

No surprise that work takes up more than 50% of the average 83-year female lifespan, a percentage set to increase if Rishi Sunak gets his way and forces everyone over 50 to remain in employment until they drop dead.

 

Unfairly labelled 'economically inactive' - knackered would be more appropriate

Retirement which is rapidly becoming a dirty word especially to the Government is likely to decrease over the next decade because let’s face it, they just don’t want to return any of the economical contribution you’ve made to the Treasury coffers over more than half your lifetime. 

Interesting to note that even if you strike it lucky and live beyond the average life expectancy of 83 years to reach the century, the total time not spent at work is only 33 years.  

Anyone over the age of 50 who has sat down and reflected on their own life graph is no doubt keen to change the proportions of this diagram with less emphasis given to the work years and more to the retirement plus years hence the ‘Great Resignation’.  The pandemic made us all realise how precious time is and how little you’ve got in which to do what you want before you kick the bucket. 

Maggie Thatcher truly upset the retirement apple cart when she decided to increase the state pension age for women from 60 years to 65 years.  If she hadn’t tinkered with things I could have been enjoying an extended lunch break or spending my time taking up oil painting or photography but instead I’ve still got another gruelling 7 years left before the Government returns some of my employment investment. 

Take note all you other oldies out there - the Government has a cunning plan to punish all of us over 50 who are not toeing the employment line by casting its fiscal drag net far and wide because for those of you not on top of these things, tax is coming to all those in retirement.  Read it and weep. 

Nice that the state pension was increased by 10% to £10,600 a year from April 2023 but that only leaves a buffer of £1,970 before you hit the personal tax allowance limit of £12,570 which is frozen until 2026.  Further increases to the state pension over the next 3 years will slowly erode that buffer which means that anyone claiming a state pension who is also receiving income from a private pension or any other sources will be subject to income tax.  Why else do you think the Government is so keen on pension auto enrolment?  They give with one hand and take with the other! 

That’s fiscal drag for you.  Sooner or later, tax taps you on the shoulder regardless of how old you are.  The grey tax pound - not something mentioned by the media when denouncing the over 50’s as economically inactive because I’m willing to bet that most of those who fled the workplace in the ‘Great Resignation’ are financing their early retirements from private pensions, equity release or savings so when they claim their state pensions – tax bingo!

 

Mr Fiscal Drag second cousin to the Tax Man

Whoops!  Forgot the golden rule of no rants on your birthday.  So, more on the great 60th birthday celebrations later on.

It's all downhill from here onwards

HOW TO MAKE A TIN FOIL HOLDER

Whenever I visit London in December I always seem to come back with an unexpected (and unwanted) Christmas gift.  Three years ago it was Covid, this year it’s a horrible stinking cold.  

Despite looking like Dick Turpin on the 472 to North Greenwich, I left myself open to chance as I wasn’t wearing any gloves so no doubt placed my hands on top of all those bacteria laden, snot laced passenger safety bars that haven’t seen sanitisation since the fall of the Roman Empire.    

TFLu

I guess I should be thankful that it wasn’t anything nastier such as Strep A – there were enough coughing under 5s on said bus to infect the whole of France.  Why don’t people leave their germ ridden little darlings at home when they go shopping?

 

Keep coughing children at home!

As I can just about make out the keyboard amid this pile of snotty tissues then I’m going to leave you all with an extra special Christmas gift (germ free) in the form of this super smashing tip (the other half has expressly forbidden me to use the word ‘hack’) to help you efficiently store all those roles of tin foil in readiness for the great Christmas cook up. 

The inspiration for this super smashing tip came to me in a Woolwich charity shop when I spotted one of these and in that instant had a hallelujah moment. 

Don’t panic – you won’t need to go nuts scouring charity shops to achieve this effective method of storing your spare rolls of foil, cling film or anything else that fits because you can find this very useful little item in IKEA.  It’s called a Skadis storage basket set designed primarily to be used with their holey pegboard but it can also be turned into a kitchen cabinet door hanging organiser.

 

Skadis 3 basket set

Note - This idea only works inside kitchen cupboards where the door is set back from the internal shelves as there needs to be a sufficient gap to accommodate the organiser and still be able to close the cupboard door.  The depth of the Skadis basket is approx. 7 cm so the gap between shelves and doors needs to be of this size or more.

 

Gap needed between shelf and door

To convert your Skadis basket into a hanging cabinet door organiser, firstly you will need to remove the 2 metal hooks on the back.  The other half kindly obliged using a Dremel tool with a disc cutting attachment, slicing the things clean off the back. 

Next work out where to hang your organising basket.  This very much depends on the internal layout of your kitchen cabinet but I found the best way to do this was to consult Mr Gaffer.  Cut a strip of gaffer tape and run this halfway across the back of your unit then literally stick the thing to the inside of the door then close it.  If the door shuts properly then you know you’ve hit pay dirt.  If it doesn’t just keep re-sticking the basket up and down the door until you find the sweet spot.

Whilst the basket is taped to its final position, grab a pointy bradawl tool and carefully make a couple of marker holes in the mesh part of the basket just under the solid white rim.  Screw the basket into place using a couple of small stubby wood screws but remember these must be less than the width of your cabinet door so that they don’t stick out the other side. 

 

Carefully screw into position

Once screwed into position, remove the gaffer tape and hey presto, one tin foil organiser neatly tucked away inside the cupboard door.

 

The perfect place for kitchen rolls

Tucks neatly behind cabinet door

The Skadis basket set costs £8.50 for 3 wire mesh organisers which is a fraction of the price charged by sellers for tin foil/roll holders on Amazon or Ebay which can retail at over a tenner a time.   This super smashing tip will not only save you a couple of quid but you'll also get 2 extra smaller baskets into the bargain.  What’s not to like? 

Cough, cough, snuffle, sniff - Merry Christmas everyone!

TICKETLESS TICKETMASTER

This post is dedicated to all those gig goers out there who don’t have smartphones as I know you’re probably feeling the same frustration as I am with Ticketmaster & AXS’s decision to not issue print at home tickets.  

I’ve dedicated a lifetime and a small fortune to going to see bands live.  You can’t beat the atmosphere, excitement or thrill of seeing your musical heroes in the flesh and if I had my way, I’d squander all my time/cash just going from gig to gig on a continual lifetime album tour.  However technology or more precisely APPS are now souring this dream making it harder and harder to get your hands on paper tickets.

 

Making life a misery

Don’t get me wrong, I may be almost 60 but I’m not a complete techno-dinosaur.  I shop online, bank online, have a blog and do everything cyber via my trusty laptop but the one thing I don’t have or more importantly DON’T WANT is a smartphone.  Why complicate an already complicated life with a superfluous layer of technology?  I don’t need brainwashing or having all my personal data continually mined!

 

The real reason dinosaurs became extinct

But clearly Ticketmaster/AXS and other event organisers have automatically assumed that the entire world has a smartphone and therefore don’t need printed tickets.  This would be fine if you were given the choice – print your own at home (for free) or use an e-ticket on your phone but it would seem that choice is not an option. 

APPS are for SAPS

I understand they’ve probably done this to stop ticket touts or ticket fraud but hey, you’ve also alienated that small, law abiding phoneless minority in going down this road.  What is also ironic is that whilst paper tickets appear to have disappeared into the technological vortex, the service charges added to ticket sales have in no way reduced.  AXS added over £11 each to my Alter Bridge tickets for Monday night’s performance at the O2 but exactly what was that £22 paying for?  Paper?  Ink?  Postage?  I think not!

 

MacKay just about sums it up

Aside from box office anxiety, the live music experience certainly at the O2 in particular has become one big ball ache.  

Great gig 

Firstly, no food or drink is allowed into the arena and that includes any shopping you may have done in the new outlet mall.  I appreciate punters are expected to shell out for expensive refreshments at a gig.  I kid you not when I say that a small paper cup of pepsi is now almost a fiver and even a glass of still water will set you back £3.90 but I almost died at the thought of the Lindt chocolates I bought for Christmas whilst killing time before the performance being chucked into the wheelie bin by security.  Surely in this sustainable day and age, free water refill stations could be provided for those of us who don’t drink alcohol or indulge in gut/tooth rotting sugary drinks. 

Secondly, no bags bigger than a sheet of A4 paper are allowed into the arena thus discriminating against most women whose handbags can usually accommodate a kitchen sink.  If I’d wanted to smuggle in an AK47 or a Semtex belt, I wouldn’t be doing it in a Radley would I?  Once security have scanned your backpack then that should be the end of it.  Security should scan ALL backpacks and handbags or better still, just install full body scanners for everyone to pass through rather than target those with big bags. 

Thirdly, since Covid ticket prices have gone through the roof and for anyone who has ever sat in ‘the Gods’ at the O2, that’s pretty steep.  The starting price to see a class act like Iron Maiden is now around £66 and that’s before all those mysterious service charges are piled on.  It’s legalised extortion!  I could buy at least 3 Maiden albums for that price or a week’s shopping at Tesco.  The average gig going punter is not made of money you know. 

Fourthly, merchandise.  It’s now £35 for a tour shirt an almost £10 increase on pre-pandemic prices when the average concert tee retailed at around £20-25 beforehand.  Ironically on Alter Bridge’s own web site you can buy a T shirt for $30 or just over £24 at today’s USD exchange rate so my advice to gig goers everywhere is to purchase your band merch online before or afterwards but not at the O2.

 

Cheaper to buy online

And so dear readers having got this all off my chest, it looks like my gig going days are pretty much over.  I’m not going to be held to ransom by event promoters, technology giants or greedy money grabbing venues.  In future, rather than go through all of the above, I’ll just invest the cost of a gig ticket in buying the band’s latest album or treating myself to a new band t-shirt via their own website.

 

Alter Bridge

Having said all this, I am going to Depeche Mode’s stadium gig at Twickenham next June but that’s another story ….

 

AN INSPECTOR CALLS

An inspector calls and for once it’s not a member of the local constabulary looking to drag me off on a trumped up charge of cat stealing or for not giving ‘respect’ to the server in MacDonalds at Chi Gate who took more than 20 minutes to dish up a box of chicken nuggets plus a McFlurry.  Come on, I’m starving!

 

Did that crazy cat lady offer you Dreamies?

Finally, after 6 very long, drawn out months of banging, crashing, drilling and dust making, our project has received the royal seal of approval from the council’s Building Inspector.  We have sign off!

 

Meow!  I like it

Crack open the bubbly and get ready to party like its 1999 but not until after all this dust has been wiped away. 

All that’s left to do is pack away the last of the DIY gear, bring in the dining room furniture and work our way through the final snag list of bitty bits then it should all be ready in time for Christmas. 

And whilst we beaver away through all those bitty bits, here’s a grand tour of the almost but not quite finished kitchen and extension:

BEFORE - the back door area

AFTER - no back door

BEFORE - the hob area

AFTER - a more modern look

 

BEFORE - the old kitchen window

AFTER - window replaced by archway

BEFORE - the unpapered corner

AFTER - has become the 'tea' station

The old kitchen space has been given a thoroughly modern make-over and it is definitely a vast improvement although strangely all those higgeldy, piggeldy storage units in the old layout did seem to accommodate more stuff.

From the garden, the view of the property is quite pleasing and everything blends in nicely but we've still a long way to go to get the back of the house looking tip top.  A new patio, pathway and fence is top of my santa list.

BEFORE - a lot of wasted space

AFTER - looks great