SUMMER!

We’re heading for mid-July – there’s a new Government in town, England are through to the Euro footie final and it’s been the coldest summer for years. Hurrah! You’ve just got to love British Summer Time.

Amidst all this political and sporting excitement, I’ve picked this week to begin painting the lounge which is proving quite the challenge in this humidity. Phew! I’m knackered after just two mist coats and if I wrung out my sweaty T-shirt I'm sure it would sort out Spain's water shortage!

Plastered lounge dry and ready for painting

Hmm - there's quite a lot to paint

After 2 mist coats with contract matt emulsion

Add an undiluted coat of white to finish off the mist coats

What you really need when it’s hot is a nice cold whippy ice cream and where best to get a scrummy one but McDonalds (McDs, Maccies, Macky D’s, Mackers, Mickey D’s or whatever you want to call it). Wait a mo. What do you mean there’s no McFlurrys? Or milkshakes? Is there anything remotely refreshing to order?

Smarty McFlurry - my favourite

Has anyone else noticed how McDonald’s mysteriously has shortages of both milkshakes or ice cream usually on the hottest days? I thought it was just me but there does appear to be a distinct online trend of punters ending up with Unhappy Meals that don’t include these items on days when the mercury rises.

Last year, I emailed Ronald McDonald to apprise him of this situation having visited 3 of their fast-food outlets in West Sussex, all of which had a severe lack of McFlurrys during the summer heatwave. I said ‘Ron, mate. My sandals have melted into the tarmac yet there’s not a single milkshake or lolly to be had in West Sussex (near London). I mean, what the hell?’

Hello?  I'm calling about the McFlurry incident...

Eventually Ron sent me a reply along the lines that McFlurry-Gate was due to supply chain issues and staff shortages as allegedly it takes 4 hours to clean the machine so no bugger can do it when restaurants are busy.

Okay – I can understand supply chain issues but really? Are you telling me that the world’s shipment of whippy powder was hijacked by a Vogon Constructor fleet on its way back from Alpha Centauri? Or that it was stuck onboard that ship wedged in the Suez Canal? Come on Ron – you can do better than that!

God its hot here - fancy a McFlurry?

And as for staff shortages, well that’s a site management issue. Restaurant managers surely know that when it is hot, punters want cold drinks and ice cream so it’s down to them to ensure their staff roster includes someone to clean machinery needed to make these things. Why aren’t they checking the weekly forecasts before they sort out staff shifts? It would make sense for them to suss out well in advance when they’d need the precious whippy powder to avoid this predicament.

In the meantime, I’ll have to make do with one of Lidl’s finest chocolate chip lollies to cool my fevered, emulsion covered brow. Yummy!

Mint choc chip - perfect post paint cool down

FLIPPING HECK

It’s the eve of the election, all eyes will be on the polls tomorrow. Mrs Sunak is probably bubble-wrapping her china as I type and Larry the mouser is no doubt hoping for a feline friendly caretaker that might dish out regular treats and belly rubs. Friday’s tabloid headlines are likely to be a bit mental. However, until then I hope the politicos have a few spare minutes to scroll down this post. Sir Keir – that means you!

I watched a TV programme a couple of nights ago on Channel 4 called ‘Skint: The Truth About Britain’s Broken Economy’ and parts of it got me so riled up, I hardly slept a wink. There were many good points raised by the economist presenter but I felt that other parts didn’t delve deep enough into the ‘maths’ as promised.

Skint - yeah, we all are!

The presenter talked about the current housing crisis; the point was made about a lack of council/social housing yet the solution proposed was not for local authorities to build or acquire cheap properties to fix this issue but to relax planning regulations further and to consider using green belt areas skirting larger cities so that even more new houses could be built.

Watching today’s episode of ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ made me realise that one contributory factor to today’s housing crisis is that Britain has become a nation of ‘Flippers’. Flippers? Is she on about the rubbery fins scuba divers wear on their feet? Nope.

Not this kind of home buyer

‘Flippers’ are people who buy property with the aim to tart it up cheaply then re-list quickly back onto the housing market to make a fast buck. ‘Flippers’ are mostly tradespeople, those who have an extensive network of other trades they can call upon or those who are a bit handy themselves and not afraid to roll up their sleeves for a spot of DIY.

Flippers scour the housing market snapping up all those dirt cheap dilapidated old wrecks fit only for demolition then turn these sow’s ears into silk housing purses that can be sold on for a tidy profit. Even my plumber is at it; as he recently explained there was more money to be made with a couple of ‘flips’ than in a year’s worth of work servicing gas boilers.

Then there are the ‘Frippers’ – these folks buy up the dross, do it up then rent out the properties as ‘high end’ lets for an exorbitant rent whilst they wait for the housing market to move upwards, enjoying the rental income then off-loading the property once the price has substantially increased. Frippers are unlikely to be long-term landlords, they’ll need to crystalise their investment at a future point ready for their next venture leaving renters out on their ear.

It seems some people are not content to leave their savings in a traditional deposit account preferring instead to plough their dosh into bricks and mortar thus fuelling the demand for property and pushing up prices. What the Channel 4 programme failed to mention is that the reason there is little affordable property on the market for first time buyers is because anything cheap is snapped up by the Flippers, Frippers, foreign investors and second home owners with Governments doing little about it. Any why would they? After all this is Britain, the land of free-market capitalism and not some socialist state. They call it ‘growth’ and that’s all they care about.

One way out of the housing crisis is NOT to continually build more properties which puts money in private developer pockets and pressure on existing infrastructure but to look more closely at WHO is buying it in the first place. Legislate so that there are more controls in place to minimise Flipping, Fripping, second home and investor ownership thus enabling more housing stock to be available for first time buyers.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea for the new Government to think about how it can raise further revenue from these practices so that it could then plough this into much needed social housing projects. CGT and Council Tax for second home owners needs to be pitched at a level that ensures those depriving young people of affordable housing are footing the bill for more social housing.

Some of the Channel Islands have the right idea by having a ‘primary’ housing market price for non-islanders and a cheaper ‘secondary’ market price for local residents. Perhaps the UK could consider adopting a similar way forward in each county.

Crikey! I’m exhausted just thinking about all that flipping and fripping going on. Just think, in a few decades time there’ll be no old fixer uppers left to buy so how will young people acquire useful DIY skills?

Remember - Vote Larry!

LIBRARY BOOKCASE - ASSEMBLY

Only 4 days until we’re heading for the polls. Will the British public finally rise up in revolution against the hated Tories or will the usual ‘apathy rules OK’ be the case?

My money’s on the latter. What! You mean I can’t put a bet on the election outcome? Not even the teeniest flutter? What if I send the cat down to the bookies instead? Oh alright, I’ll just do it in my head then seeing as how the current Government haven’t yet used AI to create Thought Police.

Not going to the Bookies - too busy sitting on your bit of wood

As the politicos ramp up their final few days of electioneering, it’s time for us to ramp up efforts to get this library bookcase assembled and that’s not going to be easy as I’ve definitely reached the ‘apathy rules OK’ point in this project and would rather be gardening.

Back to the task in hand. To minimise the ‘wonk’ assembly factor, we’re using the nice flat surface of our dining table as a workbench since there’s no-where else big enough or level enough for us to work on.

Wish we had a proper workshop

Starting with the sides of the ‘H’ shape, begin by screwing into position the top and bottom horizontal shelves so that you have a fancy shaped ‘H’ with two cross pieces instead of one. Fitting these in first should provide greater stability when adding the rest of the shelves.

First make a wooden 'H' shape 

Continue to add shelves at your required heights then repeat for the second unit.

Continue to add shelves

The key thing here is to ensure that all the horizontal shelves are visually aligned so that they run across both units forming one continuous line. Achieving this is quite tricky, often involving fitting both units backwards in situ so that shelf positions can be accurately marked out onto the back face.

Horizontal shelves should all be visually aligned

It’s at this point that I’ve realised that I really hate furniture making. I’m such a perfectionist that even the smallest millimetre out sends me into a volcanic rage. I can’t bear to see things ‘on the piss’ so there’s always a few tantrums or tears when after what seems like a super-human effort, things don’t turn out right.

At first glance our almost finished bookcase units look pretty good, most shelves aligned but it's only when you get up close with the tape measure and spirit level that you begin to realise that all is not perfect. Yeah, there are some shelves a teeny bit higher than others and a few that slope towards the edges. We gave it our best shot!

Bookcase assembled and ready for compartment fitting

When all is said and done, I think it’s a pretty good effort for a couple of old duffers like us.

LIBRARY BOOKCASE - STAINING

The joy of stains!

Wood stain colour charts – almost as interesting as political manifestos and the current lot on offer aren’t exactly a riveting read, are they?

This time I’m looking for a colour that closely matches the oak doors of the Vladon Cuba cabinet being used as the foundation for the library bookcase.

Colour matching to cabinet door is not easy

This shade of oak appears to be of a slightly different hue to that of the office cabinets which were more reddish brown in tone. The Vladon doors are a lighter, almost sandy tone so annoyingly that means the purchase of different coloured stain. (more tat to store later)

Using this to stain the pineboard

Not all stains are created equal and even the colour names albeit similar give you a different result. To buy the right product, arm yourself with whatever it is you are trying to colour match then look for the closest shade available in store. Tricky to do when matching to a cabinet door or if buying online.

Colour test on some scrap wood first

All the horizontal shelf panels are being stained prior to the unit build, vertical panels to follow when we’ve decided on the final height.

Using a piece of wood to work out final height

Once again, the lounge looks like a timber yard; planks everywhere! Lucky you if you have a proper workshop in which to do this sort of stuff.

Can't move for bits of wood!