LIBRARY - FINAL ASSEMBLY

It’s said that the proof is in the pudding and what no-one wants at this stage is a soggy bottom or any more time-wasting re-works - just ask Paul Hollywood. It’s going in and that’s all there is to it!

Now that all the shelves, compartments and backing boards have been added, time to finally assemble the whole thing from top to bottom or in this case, bottom to top.

Bottoms up – first completely assemble the cupboard base unit, adding the doors, shelves and loose end panel. We didn’t glue this panel to the top section in the end but decided to re-drill the fixtures so that the locking nuts could be used to secure the panel instead. Genius!

Start with your base unit

Next add the bookcase units. Slide in the one closest to the chimney breast first to make sure it clears the mantlepiece.

Add the first side of the bookcase

Most people don’t notice that mantlepieces have a tendency to overhang the end of the fireplace. Damned inconvenient I say! 

Has to be angled in to miss the sticking out bit of the mantlepiece

Once the first unit is tightly abutted against all walls, slot  in the second unit.  Make sure both are aligned so that all front edges are flush.

Slot in the second side of the bookcase

And this is where the smile gets wiped off your face. 

Almost as big a gap as our bookcases

Behold! A gap between both bookcases.

Rachel, how do I plug this black hole?

Not a surprise as I had figured there would be when I measured up all the timber. Unless you can cut everything to within a gnats’ whisker, have the world’s straightest walls or paid NJ to bespoke your bookcase then there are always gonna be gaps. Fact.

But this is not the end of the world because like the Dutch boy who plugged the leaky dyke with a finger, gaps between bookcases can be plugged in a number of ways; either with a wooden trim over the top or a spacer in between.

As luck would have it, the gap between our bookcases is around 20 mm wide so we’re going with a spacer plank instead of the surface trim. I’ve painted the spacer edge black to co-ordinate with the rest of the unit and wedged it in tightly. Gap successfully plugged with the painted spacer looking like a piece of central trim.

Painted spacer plank slotted between both units to fill the hole

With everything shoehorned into position like a hippo in an airing cupboard, time for the crowning glory; the top panel. Naturally sliding it into such a tight gap scuffed my lovely paintwork. Get that green paint out. Again!!

Top panel sits across both units screwed into central uprights

Remember to secure both bookcases to the walls to prevent them falling on top of you.  With minimal space available between the top of the bookcase and the ceiling, each unit has been secured to each side of the recessed walls with long masonry screws going through the wood into the brickwork.

All that’s missing is the top pelmet piece which has been made out of a length of thick 2 x 3 inch wood painted black.  I've let the pelmet overhang the bookcases by about 1 cm so that it's stepped.  It's also not secured down in any way just in case you ever have to take everything apart.  Not like anyone's going to bump into it, are they?

Overhanging pelmet

Now step back to admire. You did it! A beautiful bespoke bookcase for those treasured tomes.

Finished at last!

BOOKCASE - COMPARTMENTS PART 2

Like a never-ending gobstopper this is definitely the project that keeps on giving… Oh boy, when is it all going to end?

 I'm enjoying the sunshine!

Now that the shelf compartment T pieces are dry, time to fit them into their final positions.

First up, the compartment containing the small drawer unit. Put the drawer unit into its final position on the desired shelf then carefully squeeze in the T piece next to it so that the vertical is tightly abutted next to the drawer unit.

Use drawers to help you position the T pieces

Using a spirit level to keep the horizontal shelf straight, use long wood screws to secure the T piece in place from the outer edge of the bookcase. 

Secure T piece from unseen edge of bookcase

Remember to countersink the screws as you don’t want anything sticking out. You are aiming for a nice snug fit - the unit should not be able to move when you open a drawer.

Compartments should look like this

Repeat for all other compartments. If you have cut your vertical timber sections to exact measurements, each T piece can be gently pushed into place without the need for screwing in from the top or bottom.

One side finished - repeat on the other bookcase

No word of a lie, this all sounds simple on paper but it’s a bugger in real life! Frustratingly, we had to re-cut two of the vertical sections because although we had ‘dry’ fitted everything perfectly before painting somehow the damn wood had mysteriously shrunk overnight. Aaaghhh!

Always follow the old DIY adage - ‘measure twice, cut once’.

And finally … All the T pieces added to the bookcase to make the quirky compartments.

Ready for backing boards to be added

LIBRARY BOOKCASE - COMPARTMENTS

Anyone for ‘T’?

After a fortnight of painting lounge walls, it’s time to cast aside the dust cloth shroud and resurrect the library bookcase which has lain forgotten under a pile of dirty sheets like an Egyptian mummy.

Walls now a lovely shade of Green Earth

If I thought we’d had a hard time of it so far on this project then think again. Aaaahhh! No wonder NJ charges a small fortune for its bespoke furniture, it probably has to use any surplus cash for carpenter counselling after each build.

Time to add the quirky compartments to the bookcase units – I’m having a meltdown before we’ve even begun! Whose great idea was it to add these compartments in the first place? I’ve only myself to blame…

In simplistic fashion, the bookcase compartments are being created using ‘T’ shaped inserts that will slot into the tallest shelf gaps thus splitting the space available into 3 smaller sections.

Creating a shelf compartment

To ensure best use is made of the available shelf space, each section has been created to correspond to the heights of particular books in our collection or with specific ornaments in mind.

Construct your ‘T’ shaped inserts with two pieces of wood. Imagine the letter ‘T’ but laid on its side. The vertical piece should be the height of the gap between the two horizontal shelves. Once you have determined the width of the tallest compartment and positioned the vertical piece, the remaining space should give you the dimension for the horizontal T bar. Cut and screw both pieces together on one side to make your ‘T’.

Make a T shaped section from 2 pieces of wood

Like the original NJ design, there are a number of compartments that will mirror each other in both our units so we’ve had to make four ‘T’ pieces and these will sit on the shelves in the following positions:

T piece positions prior to painting

I know it looks a bit Heath Robinson now but I’m sure once all the bits have been primed, painted and screwed into their final positions it’ll all start to make sense.

Now let’s crack open the black furniture paint and get these puppies painted!

Primed

Painted 

LOCK ME UP

The other half is looking a little more than anxious since I announced at the weekend that now might be a good time for me to hasten his demise as the new Government was planning on reducing prison sentences. His counter offensive was ‘yeah but who’d empty the bins or deal with the spiders?’ Good point!

Build more prisons!

Why is it that when we have a housing crisis the answer is to build more houses yet when we have a prison overcrowding problem, the answer is not to build more prisons but to let ‘bad ‘uns’ go free? Am I the only person here who thinks this is a potential recipe for disaster?

In America, prison overcrowding would likely have been resolved via lethal injection, in Britain the Government is hoping for a lethal injection of cash to fix the issue. However, whilst the politicos have fingers in pies, there’s little appetite for any actual baking. No doubt, secretly hoping that the private sector might stump up a few readies to move things along. Wouldn’t hold your breath Rachel love, the only PFI initiatives they’re interested in are those that spell ProFIt.

Prison overcrowding is not a simple problem to fix. For starters, there appears to be no shortage of ‘bad ‘uns’ queuing up for a stint at His Majesty’s pleasure. I noticed a notable lack of statistics relating to re-offending in the tabloid articles on this topic. I’m curious to know what percentage of career criminals doing a stretch go on to re-offend as soon as they are let out. Bob the Burglar isn’t likely to be the sort of person who ‘tried it once but didn’t like it’ is he? Are we just expected to offer him a cuppa then turn a blind eye whilst he makes off with the family silver? I don’t think so!

And talking of statistics – has anyone taken a look to see what the correlation is between ethnicity and knife/gun crime? I’m guessing there aren’t going to be too many white, middle-aged men wearing twinsets and pearls who now call themselves Georgina in that number. For fear of being cancelled as racist, I have an inkling I know why no-one’s publishing that diversity data.

Building a few more prisons may be costly but surely there’ll be greater benefits than just generating more cells for sheep rustlers, sycamore tree fellers or postmasters. I’m thinking job creation for the masses particularly in places like Port Talbot where soon to be redundant steel workers could be retrained as prison warders.

Private prisons – what a gold mine! Just think of all those lucrative Government contracts you could set up to recharge the Treasury for the cost of babysitting rapists and murderers. Surely there’s some enterprising venture capitalists out there who’d love to have their own high security haven for hell-raisers?

To appease the tofu-eating Wokerati, in future prison sentences could be referred to as ‘sleepovers’ so as not to appear too harsh to those in society who think it’s OK to kill people then take them to Bristol in a suitcase. Good job they weren’t flying Ryanair – imagine the excess baggage charges!

When the new future luxury haven for hell-raisers is eventually built, please lock me up so I won’t have to do any more painting or worry about dealing with bins or spiders.

Gary Larson's spider problem