TV UNIT - IDEA

It’s this year’s damp summer blockbuster in the trio of highly acclaimed movies aptly titled: Office Unit, Library Unit and soon to be released - TV Unit.

Not more woodwork! The other half has considered putting in for increased carpentry pay on the back of the recently announced train strikes. Yep, the railways were never going to be satisfied with a decent wage settlement. Greedy bastards deserve to be sent to Rwanda! As I told him – it's 3 bottles of beer and that’s my final offer. I'll throw in a pizza as well if all productivity targets are met.

Anyway, we’re not here to talk politics (well maybe not today….) but instead to treat you all to yet another lengthy ramble on about our latest DIY project. Thanks to the internet, you can bore the world to tears from the comfort of your own sofa with a gadget that does what it says on the tin – laptop. It’s currently perched on my lap top scorching my thighs with its red-hot battery pack like a reverse-engineered 80s sunbed.

So, TV Unit. Can’t be all that hard to build one, can it? Well, it wouldn’t be if I’d gone with a straightforward design but that’s never the case in our house. Here’s one I spotted earlier that I kind of liked the look of:

I'd like one of these for my telly

I thought this unit ideal because my existing Cuba cabinet could be incorporated as the base section in the same way as we’d done for the library unit.

All we have to do is build it on top of the existing cabinet

As always, it’s one thing to have an idea but then there are the practicalities to consider. What are you going to put on the shelves? How much space does a wall hung TV take up? Will I be able to reach the plug sockets from the front? How will I disguise all the cabling at the back? There are a million and one things to figure out before you can even put pen to paper to come up with some sort of design plan to follow.

A very simplistic plan

Stuff. Yep, that’s the biggest problem. Stuff? What like? DVD’s that’s what. Growing up in the materialistic 70s/80s, life largely seemed to revolve around acquiring stuff – books, records, beer mats, gig ticket stubs, tartan trousers etc etc. I may have outgrown the tartan trousers from my Bay City Roller years but the books, records and DVDs have endured throughout the ages, being carted from house to house expecting to be accommodated rent free. I can see why today’s youth prefer downloads instead of hoarding. It must feel so much more liberating not to be surrounded by dust gathering clutter.

But being a techno-dino I much prefer something tangible I can get my hands round which brings me back to the issue of DVDs and how to best create space for these in this new TV unit.

Based on the photograph, I’ve come up with a similar design for a unit that can incorporate my vast DVD collection, lovely Art Deco lamp and other hoarded tat around a wall hung telly.

And now to put on the kettle, slide into my painting trousers and spend the rest of the week mopping the other half’s fevered brow as he saws through the mountain of pineboard squatting in the garage like a giant timber-loined sumo wrestler.

SCOTNEY CASTLE

Squeezing in a bit of recreational rest before embarking on what I hope will be our final furniture building project with a day out at the picturesque Scotney Castle.

Not far from Tunbridge Wells, this beautiful stately pile is perfect for a relaxing day out.

Scotney Castle - main house

For gardeners, there’s a delightful walled garden filled with colourful flowers, fruit and veg.

The Walled Garden

Bees also enjoying the garden

Bumper pumpkin patch

For those who like property porn, there’s a wonderful country house to explore. Clearly the Hussey family loved wood panelling and libraries judging by the copious amount of both things in almost every room.

Gorgeous wood panelled staircase

Purchased from TKMaxx?

Cosily furnished lounge

Imagine sleeping in one of these

Or this bed?

Being an ardent book lover myself, cue a million photos of bookcases and close examination of the construction of these.

How did they make those bookcases?

More books than we've got

Anyone earwigging our conversations as we roamed from room to room would think we were interior designers rather than a couple of over-enthusiastic DIY duffers, our running commentary on decorative pelmets, the merits of dowelled joints or the durability of water colour prints no doubt an amusement to all.

Love that pantry

For outdoor explorers, the estate has numerous walks including a secluded Quarry Garden or paths leading down to the original castle building, a rather fairy tale structure surrounded by its own lily pad filled moat.

Lots of lovely walks around the estate

The picturesque old castle

I almost preferred the old ruined castle in terms of its dreamy, story-book exterior and beautiful setting but could see why the party-throwing poshos that previously owned this estate would have wanted a much bigger house with modern amenities.

Like a fairytale don't you think?

In a way, you’ve got to feel sorry for these aristos. Imagine being left an enormous estate because it’s been in your family for millennia only to find you haven’t a chance in hell sustaining the lifestyle because you’re as poor as a church mouse. If there isn’t a convenient ‘fire’ to justify an insurance payout, it seems there always comes a time in the life of the landed gentry when eventually they have to turn these properties over to the National Trust probably in settlement of death duties or because of the expense involved in maintaining these historical buildings.

Hand it over to the National Trust

Just imagine having to find the cash to fix leaky cast iron guttering or rebuild an original plaster cornice, not to mention the headache in respect of planning regulations as in this type of edifice even the toilets are Grade I listed. It’s bad enough scraping together enough pennies to buy timber for shelving.

Still, it's always interesting to see how the other half lived and these beautiful historical buildings deserve to be preserved for posterity. 

Scotney Castle gets our thumbs up as they've created a shrine to their cats!

Moggy Mansion

WINTER FOOLS PAYMENT

New Government in power 5 minutes and they’re already upsetting the grey applecart!

LOL. Come on - a new broom always sweeps clean and with the Treasury coffers sporting more holes than the other half’s underpants, it should come as no surprise that Big Brother’s beady eye has turned to winter fuel payments.

Gathering winter fuel

Ten points to Labour as this is the kind of sneaky move the Tories wished they could have pulled had they not been unceremoniously booted out of office.

Thanks to inaccurate journalistic reporting, the fact that it is ONLY the wealthier portion of the grey population who are likely to be affected by this policy change rather than EVERY state pensioner was only pointed out days later. Too late though, social media networks around our neighbourhood exploded with outrage like a suburban Krakatoa – winter fools engaging fingertips before brain.

Rachel (The Reaper) Reeves stands accused of causing death by hypothermia for anyone not sunning themselves on the Costa del Sol in January as that is probably what most winter fuel payments are used for by those pensioners who really don’t need this free cash.

What most whingers fail to remember is that benefits are not an automatic entitlement but should be there to help those who genuinely can’t help themselves financially so I feel it is quite right for the Treasury to means test state pensioners before dipping their fingers into the already empty public purse.  

When I look round our ‘hood’ and see the legions of cleaners/gardeners employed by elderly pensioners or find oldies strutting their wrinkly stuff at private fitness clubs or sat sipping cocktails on the outdoor terrace at The Ivy then that’s telling me that somewhere along the line, winter fuel payments are perhaps not being used for their intended purpose.

There are mechanisms already in place for those pensioners relying solely on a state pension with no other income streams to claim additional support from the state. I think it’s called Pension Credit. Naturally, there are going to be loads of peeps, like me, who fall just outside the welfare wall. Sadly, that’s life! There’s always going to be a line in the sand drawn somewhere and it’s unfortunate if you’re on the wrong side of it.

For younger generations blaming Boomers for this woeful state of events – I know some of you will be doing this - then sorry to burst your anti-boomer bubble but those of us who grew up with the mantra ‘greed is good’ worked our bloody socks off to build careers that paid well in jobs with private pension schemes. Not our fault that final salary schemes became extinct but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any private pensions you could take advantage of. 

Even prior to Auto-Enrolment, people could set up stakeholder pension accounts with any financial provider. You don’t have to be employed to set up a pension! You just have to have the willpower to set aside a few pennies each month.  People need to take responsibility for their retirement instead of relying on the State to continually bail them out.  I mean you do have about 50 years notice to prepare!

Since birth, I’ve been encouraged to save for the rainy day. For many of us Boomers that ‘rainy day’ meant retirement not a Netflix subscription or the latest iPhone. Now that I’m not far off state pension age, I thank my parents for such good advice. Spend a little, save a little is what I always told my own kids. For once, I hope they were listening.

But anyway, as usual I digress. Can’t help it. Soon as I get behind a screen, keyboard diarrhoea sets in. Should I trot down to the local pharmacy to see if they can help? Don’t get me started on that one!

Winter fuel payments, fuss over nothing if you ask me. Rich pensioners who don’t need this dosh. Give it to the poorer ones. Job’s a good ‘un!

FENCE TOPPERS

If you can’t find one that fits – make one!

Last year, our landscapers did a great job of fitting a new garden fence but instead of cutting each of the supporting concrete posts down to panel size before fixing they left the excess bit sticking up which quite frankly looked ghastly.

Don't like those concrete bits sticking out

It’s been bugging me ever since. Not one to leave such annoying things alone, I’ve been looking for a way to plug the gap without increasing the overall height of the fence beyond 2 metres in case of complaints from next door as technically any walls/fences over this dimension should have planning permission.

I’m plugging the gap with something called a trellis fence topper panel. Very few fencing panel suppliers produce fence toppers that are less than 30 cm tall. Our posts stick up slightly short of 20 cm above the fence panel so it’s a case of finding a fence topper that can be adapted to fill the space. With a bit of jiggery pokery you can chop a standard 30 cm high panel down to fit.

Fence topper/privacy panels

After a good deal of internet searching, I managed to find a company called East Coast Fencing who had the most competitive price for diamond lattice trellis panels (6ft x 1ft size). Five panels cost just under £100 delivered, cheaper than those supplied by our local B&Q or Wickes stores. The panels are of good, robust quality, pressure treated but also paint up well.

A word about lattice trellis – the aperture gap between the diamonds can vary greatly. Panels with tighter, smaller gaps can be cut down better than those with a large gappy lattice which seem flimsier. Overall, I found that lattice panels described as ‘privacy’ panels had the smallest apertures.

Cutting or painting diamond lattice is a very fiddly, time-consuming business but worth it in the end.

Worth the effort to make the fence look nicely finished

Before painting, cut your fence toppers down to size. The other half carefully removes one of the panel’s rebated edges to enable each of the lattice diamonds to be individually trimmed down. The rebated edge is then glued back into position as if nothing has happened. You’d never know the fence toppers weren’t this size in the first place!

Small chocks added to back face to prevent rattling

To prevent the fence toppers from rattling in their concrete cradles, the other half has ingeniously screwed a small wooden chock to one side to allow a tighter fit. Particularly useful on this side of the garden as the fence is exposed to Chi’s regular gusty winds.

To compliment the fence panels, I’ve given each topper a couple of coats of B&Q’s Valspar branded garden paint in a grey shade called Carriage Wheel which is the closest match I could find to Cuprinol Ducksback’s grey/blue Silver Copse colour.

Toppers painted in Carriage Wheel grey - Valspar garden paint

No offence to Cuprinol but I don’t think the Ducksback paint that I previously used on the fence panels has quite lived up to its 5 year guarantee. I’ve had to re-paint the fence in the front garden after only 2 years because the painted surface had been badly eroded by weather, bald wood patches leaching through the grey giving the fence a very blotchy leprous appearance.

I’m trying this Valspar paint to see if it stands up better to the English weather. It’s promising about 6 years’ worth of wear and tear but we’ll see.

No more sticky out concrete bits

Already fence toppers have made a big visual difference. The side fence no longer looks like a Colditz perimeter and the trellis diamonds will make great anchorage for my climbing plants.

Making the panels less bland

To add that final arty farty touch, we’ve fitted smaller sized willow trellis panels (Homebase £10 each) to the drab grey expanses of fence which has made the flower bed look a lot more ‘cottagey’ than before.

I can finally put that annoying niggle to bed.  Begone!  Oh niggle now naught!

Willow trellis panels along the side border fence