COW WHISPERING

Whilst everyone’s busy making resolutions for a smoke free, drink free or fitter year, I’ve decided to fill my free Wednesday afternoons with a spot of cow whispering. Here's my tips on how to take up this exciting new hobby:

First, drive out to the countryside and find yourself some cows.

There's a herd I could join

They look like a friendly bunch

Then put yourself in their hooves and try to integrate into the herd.  Walk like they walk, moo loudly (only if no-one else is about) and generally think ‘bovine’. 

Think 'bovine' and follow the herd

Eventually, the herd will think you’ve gone nuts and try to ignore you.  At this point, quietly creep close to one that’s too busy munching and attempt a whisper.  Keep it neutral – no politics or religion in case it gets spooked.

Pssst!  Have you got a minute?

Worst case scenario, the cow will probably ‘moove’ on, hoping you’ll get stuck in a cow pat and stop making a nuisance of yourself or it may decide to give you the Bad Toro treatment.  Never turn your back on a cow.  Not only is this the height of bad manners but you won’t be able to see it charging at you.  Too close for comfort?  A bit of loud flamenco dance hand clapping should do the trick.

Bad Toro says no to whispering

Perhaps I should just stick to knitting ….