So today is the NHS’s 75th birthday. Whoop-de-doo! Forgive me for not sounding that enthused but I’m sure you’ll appreciate that I and the 7 million other buggers currently stuck on NHS waiting lists are not in a condition to jump for joy. Many of us can barely move!
Imagine if the NHS birthday committee had to organise a celebration along the same lines the NHS is currently run on. Things could go something like this:
Caller has been on hold for 40 minutes listening to Bill Withers crooning ‘Lovely Day’ when they are unexpectedly connected to a real human being ….
NHS birthday party line, how may I help you?
You’d like to see someone about a birthday party. I can offer you a telephone birthday party in 3 weeks’ time. Our remote fone parties or ‘farties’ include genuine party popper sounds, singing, clapping and candle blowing all as standard.
We’ll send through a party invitation link to your smartphone.
You don’t have a smartphone? Loser! We’ve gone all high tech now to cut costs, make your luddite life difficult and generate money that we can then spend on prescribing ballet dancing or crochet classes that will do diddly squat for your health condition but make us feel good.
Right. Your birthday is today. Let me see if we have any other party dates. (tap, tap, tap)
I can offer you a face-to-face belated birthday party tomorrow. In Scotland. Any good?
Ahh, you’d rather see your own party doctor. Well in that case ring back tomorrow, the next day, and every other day after that before 10 o’clock so that I can give you the same party runaround all over again.
Goodbye!
I’ve been stuck on the NHS waiting list to see the neuro-surgery specialist for more than 14 months. I suspect it’ll be my 75th birthday before I finally get seen and then I’ll probably be told that my condition is all age related or so bad that it’s too late to treat.
It took the No Help Service more than 18 months to decide to prescribe a pain killing medication called Gabapentin to alleviate the debilitating pain caused by cervical/spinal stenosis, a drug that has already made a considerable difference to my daily suffering. Why they couldn’t have prescribed this sooner is anyone’s guess!
I’d love to wish the NHS all the best but as their lack of action and inefficiency has left us feeling all the worst then sorry, I can't.
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