COVID'S COME TO STAY

After 2 years of pandemic paranoia, Covid’s finally caught up with me and decided to pay me an unwelcome visit so I’m updating this post from my germ ridden sick bed in the spare room.  (Sorry kids, I’ll make sure it gets de-fumigated before your next visit). 

Looks like Covid's here to stay

I reckon I bumped into Covid at Thorpe Park last Saturday where it too had decided to enjoy a day out of fun rides and frolics.  Since none of the rides were being sanitised between uses then it was inevitable that Covid thought it could go home with new friends after its day at the park.  Take your pick, who looks the healthiest and hasn’t already had the pleasure of my company?  Yeah, she’ll do!

 

There's more to theme parks than rides

So here I am, barely able to croak, full of snot and feeling like that rough hardcore after it had been ‘wacked’ all over only sweatier.  I’m three quarters of the way through a bottle of Covonia tickly cough syrup and living on a diet of cream crackers and Vocalzone pastilles as nothing else appeals.

 

The Covid diet

Spookily, Covid found me almost a year to the day since I had my second vaccine.  Did anyone else out there notice this correlation?  I’m sure conspiracy theorists would make something of this odd coincidence.

 

Vaccine immunity gone after 1 year

Nurse Bertie doesn’t appear to be taking her duties all that seriously.  I’ve been subjected to a number of ‘Bertie Bed Baths’ with hands and feet being licked clean with that ticklish sandpapery tongue cats have.  The NHS could cut their water bills in half with a few cats dotted about the wards.  NHS take note!

 

Nurse Bertie is looking after me

Excuse me but I think I'm the one that should be resting ...

I’ve been stuck in the spare room for three days and the novelty is now starting to wear off.  How long I’ll have to live in this self-isolation gulag is anyone’s guess but I suppose until I test negative then I’m confined to this small room with just my laptop and knitting to keep me company.

 

Nurse Bertie's making sure I don't escape self isolation

The moral of this story is that next time you visit a theme park ensure you wear a pair of latex gloves and a face mask as even though you may be outdoors, germs linger on all those rides whose safety bars and harnesses have been touched by a million unwashed, snot-soaked fingers and NOT been anti-bac wiped by the park staff.

SUBTERRANEAN SANDWICH

Footlong or mini sub?  This week our builder is focusing on making a sandwich of epic proportions, a veritable monster ‘Scooby Snack’ made up of lots of different layers all contributing to the extension floor.  In this sweltering heat, making a sandwich saps all the energy I’ve got to rustle up a meal in the kitchen so carefully laying down each course in the blazing sun must have taken a superhuman effort.

 

Making a construction 'Scooby Snack'

But back to our subterranean sandwich.  First a layer of crushed hardcore is laid to cover the earthy ground following by a liberal coating of sand, beaten into submission with something called a ‘wacker’ which sounds like something you might find on the shelves of an BDSM store or in an Ann Summers catalogue.  (Oooh, er missus!)

 

First a layer of 'wacked' hardcore

Then a wonderfully dark, rubbery membrane to sit on top like a layer of rich, velvety chocolate cake covering albeit somewhat chewier than the real thing.  Please don’t try eating rubber membrane even if it is low calorie!

 

Followed by some DPM - damp proof membrane

Just look at those wonderful hospital corners.  I tried to get my pond liner to look like this but it was nowhere near as neat or tidy.  I just wish I could fill the whole thing up with water and go for an afternoon swim!

 

The perfect corner fold

After the rubbery layer comes a generous dollop of concrete followed by a lovely thick slab of EcoTherm, the construction equivalent of halloumi cheese but with greater thermal properties.  It’s a good 4 inches thick which is how I like my cheese sandwiches but at £60 a sheet, a darn sight more expensive.

Add a layer of concrete

 

Topped with 4 inch thick EcoTherm

To keep in the heat

On top of the EcoTherm, there’ll be another generous dollop of concrete to seal in the flavour.  Mmm, this tasty construction sandwich should ensure your floor remains snug and toasty, locking in all that lovely heat thus saving you a few quid on the energy bill. 

So, at the end of week 3 not only do I have my very own ‘henge’ to help me celebrate the longest day but I also have a solid subterranean sandwich making up the middle of the extension.

Chi Henge

STAGE II - DAMP PROOF COURSE

Loving the meticulous nature of our builders.  The time they’ve spent in ironing out those tiny details such as working out the cuts for the brick and block laying and making sure that the courses laid all tie in nicely with the existing building layout greatly appeals to my own OCD nature.

Working out the exterior dimensions

Is a very exact science

 

It’s all about precision which is clearly evident in their workmanship and this is why it’s so important to invest time in the selection of the right tradesperson for your job. 

 

Just look at those lovely neat corners

We’re almost at the end of week 2 and everything seems to be going to plan.  Mount Chi has disappeared from the front drive and been replaced with a giant red brick Jenga set that has been gradually dwindling on a daily basis.

 

Now if I take a brick from this level ...

And whilst we’re waiting for the initial brick and block courses to be laid up to the existing damp proof level, I thought I’d take a few minutes to talk about how the financial side of things is working out.

 

Builder's Jenga

For larger renovation or construction projects, it seems that most trades favour a system of stage payments made when different milestones of the overall project are reached.  Stage payments appear to be a fair system to both parties allowing you to break down the overall cost of your project into manageable chunks spread over an agreed timeframe and it also enables your tradesperson to cover upfront costs of materials etc without it coming out of their own pocket.  Seems fair to me. 

My builder provided me with an excellent and clear schedule outlining the milestone points and relevant stage payments for me to make.  To give you an idea of what a stage payment schedule might look like, here’s ours: 

• 10% at end first week
• 15% damp proof course
• 10% window sill height
• 15% plate height
• 10% roof timbers and boarded
• 10% roof complete
• 10% windows and door
• 10% dry lining/plaster boarding
• 5% walls made good or plastered
• 5% on completion

All you need to do is set up a spreadsheet to work out the percentage amounts of your overall quoted construction costs then instruct the necessary bank transfers when they reach each milestone.  Simples! 

Always make sure that all work has been completed to your satisfaction before making each payment.  Of course, if you’re not disciplined enough to follow a schedule or don’t want the faff of making frequent payments, you can always agree to pay in full up front or agree a different pattern of payments.  Our guys seemed very flexible on this.

 

Looks very good from where I'm standing

The only thing to bear in mind is that your stage payment schedule may not incorporate those unexpected things that can crop up on projects like these such as additional work requested by the Building Inspector or costs for specifics such as fancy bi-fold doors unless they are already part of the initial quote.  You’ll always need to keep a cash buffer to pick up the tab for any extras but as a budgeting tool, a stage payments schedule is a great thing to have. 

Little by little I can now begin to see my kitchen/diner idea slowly morphing into reality as each brick is laid which is brilliant as I’m really rubbish at working out the dimensions of things unless I can actually see them.

 

Rome wasn't built in a day

Neither are extensions

By the end of this week, we should have enough bricks and blocks laid to the level of the existing damp proof course ready to be inspected by the Building Inspector on Monday.

Matching everything to the existing damp proof course

After 4 days the first courses are coming along great

First levels laid up to the existing damp proof course

FOOT(INGS) LOOSE

As a nation we may have no confidence in our Prime Minister but I have every confidence that our builders are going to give us an extension worth every penny quoted judging by how organised they are and how much they’ve accomplished by the end of week one. 

A dirt mountain the size of a miniature Mount Everest sits in the middle of the garden.  Every time I look out of the patio doors, I think ‘Close Encounters’ especially that bit where Richard Dreyfuss obsessively sculpts a mountain out of mashed potato.  I’m half expecting Mount Chi to erupt any minute!

 

Mount Chi - could blow any minute!

The mechanical excavator which only just squeezed through the alleyway made short work of digging out a deep trench for the foundation.  Fortunately for us, the Building Inspector decreed that no reinforcing or underpinning is required as that could have bumped up our bill enormously but for now, moving swiftly on.

 

Eating through the dirt at the rate of knots

Not only do we have a volcano on the lawn but we’ve also acquired a metre deep moat extending out from the back of the kitchen perfect for hiding dead bodies prior to concreting.  

dirt mountain with a side of moat

Sensing danger and a murderous glint in my eye, the other half has been maintaining a low profile under guise of tidying up the garage.  If only he were minted, the temptation to dispose of him ‘Mafia style’ under a ton of ready mix might have been too great to resist but for now, the penniless pauper is safe.

 

Sleeps with the fishes or in this case, ants & cheesy bugs

A truck containing a mammoth supply of ready mixed concrete promptly arrived the following day, blocking in the neighbourhood Book Club in the bottom of the cul-de-sac.  It proceeded to dump its load into the waiting wheelbarrows of our builders who then tipped the stuff into the gaping trench.  Father and son worked like trojans as a whirlwind tag team to get the stuff quickly from front drive to back garden.  A heroic effort by any means.

 

Monster concrete delivery

Several hours later, trench full of concrete and Book Club released from their parking purgatory. 

 

Level markers in the trench

Adding the concrete

Leave to dry under cover so no-one falls in

Mount Chi now has to be moved from back garden to front driveway ready to be collected by the grab lorry but footings completed and ready for the next phase which is laying the foundation blocks.

Here today, gone tomorrow

Footings dried solid after a day or two