SMORGASBORD

‘Invitation, please.’

‘Invitation? But I thought this Smorgasbord was for everyone.’

‘Not everyone madam. Just those with the broadest shoulders and besides, the event finished two days ago. Now clear off. And no, you can’t have a doggie bag.’

Well for those of you who bothered to sit in front of the telly Wednesday lunch time to watch the Budget, I can tell you it was only marginally more entertaining than Bargain Hunt only there were no real bargains to be had unless you’re the fifth child in a deprived family or a bingo player. Eyes down, look in as bingo duty scrapped!

If you happen to be a rich smoker, drinker, gambler who lives in a palace and drives an EV then my advice would be to downsize, trade your motor in for a dirty diesel and give up all those filthy little habits. This budget is homing in on you like a heat-seeking tax missile.

Let’s just say, I breathed a huge sigh of relief at not having to contend with any new levies, duties, taxes that hadn’t already been rumoured or leaked out prior to the main event which of course, thanks to the Office of Budget Irresponsibility was pretty much everything. Whoever pressed that ‘publish now’ button on their computer is in for a good kicking.  You just couldn't make it up, could you?

What this does mean is that I can still afford to continue my wood panelling project since there are no additional levies raised on home improvements or MDF. Phew.

Now that the budget dust has settled, we can all get back to those all-important Black Friday sales or Crimbo shopping. Even super scrimpers like me get seduced by the ‘dark’ side of Black Friday.

My rock n roll deals - a couple of discounted bottles of wild rhubarb floor cleaner (Amazon) and cheap tickets to the Jurassic Park Experience at Battersea Park (Wowcher).

Woo Hoo! Gotta love a bargain!