WAFFLE BOMB

There’s a new kind of dessert in town called a Waffle Bomb that’s not to be trifled with.

Waffle Bomb - guaranteed to make you feel sick

A Waffle Bomb is one of those puddings whose appearance trumps substance. Having been concocted for the greater good of the nation, it’s not sugar coated, lacks chocolate, whippy cream or sprinkles and is in fact devoid of any palatable ingredients. In short, you’d be better off eating your own leg rather than this piece of puff.

Which is what we’ll all be doing after the 26th November if Rachel from Accounts goes ahead with her hinted income tax rise. The tabloids are already suggesting 2p in the pound more on rates of income tax but don’t clarify if this will be across all tax bands or just the highest. Rumours suggest this increase may be offset by a 2p reduction in National Insurance contributions.

In essence, anyone not working (pensioners, landlords, etc) but with annual income of over £12,570 which these days is pretty much everyone will be forced to consume the Waffle Bomb but those paying NI can pass on dessert since their tax position will almost be netted out.

I can already foresee a mass exodus particularly of part time/semi-retired workers like myself who earn just above the personal allowance threshold preparing to leave employment in order to mitigate future tax bills. It just won’t be worth earning anything over £12,570 if you have to continually give more of it away to the Treasury. Cash in hand will be king. Growth and productivity will drop like a lead balloon.

I’m throwing out all of my old padded retro 80’s jackets because there appears to be a perception out there that those with the broadest shoulders are retired baby boomers. Shoulder pads are out! Clearly, Rach seems to think our ‘gold plated’ private pensions are there to solve all her economic woes forgetting how many long hours (and wage tax) most of us had to put in in order to reap the rewards in later years. I feel its double taxation however you look at it.

If the additional revenue raised was to be spent wisely fixing any number of the ‘broken’ systems faced by the UK, it would make the Waffle Bomb easier to swallow but when you read populist press articles about how much is being squandered on debt repayment, propping up ailing industries, compensation payments for national scandals, handouts to foreign countries (France & Rwanda), leasing Diego Garcia from Mauritius, net zero – the list is lengthy, costly and doesn’t sit well with those struggling to make ends meet.

I’ve never really had a sweet tooth so Waffle Bombs won’t be a menu choice and in the new year, I’ll certain be looking into how I can follow a ‘low tax’ dietary regime.