NCS - NATIONAL SOCIAL CARE

Oh God, new prime minister, new ideas for extorting more money out of the masses.

What are we likely to be paying through the nose for this time? A proposed National Social Care system it seems.

Now before I unleash the dogs of war on whether I think such an idea is worth it’s salt, I’d like to throw a few grenades out there to encourage ‘debate’ – something that today’s permanently offended Wokerati strive to shut down at all costs because having an opinion that doesn’t fit their skewed view of the world is not allowed. (Cancel her!)

I’m going to begin this debate with a number of questions/observations to which I’m sure there are statistical answers out there somewhere.

First question:  What percentage of the total UK population are actually in care or using social care services?

Inevitably, we’re all going to get older yet NOT EVERYONE is going to need to either go into care or require social care services to lead independent lives.

My aged parents 91 and 88 years old are still managing to look after themselves in their own home in spite of a compendium of health issues the size of a woolly mammoth. They’ve managed for years without care and every time I broach the subject, I get shot down in flames. They soldier on regardless as do many of their generation. Care home? Pah! Over our dead bodies. Well, it might come to that…

Second question:  Of the percentage of people that are currently in care or using social care services, how many pay privately and how many get care costs covered by the state/local authorities?

There are several trains of thought running through this second station where the platform is full of Have and Have Not passengers.

Firstly – some passengers have saved diligently throughout their working lives for their old age and everything that comes with it. If I had saved £100 per month for the whole of my 43yr working life, I would have £51,600 to put towards retirement or care. I would also be significantly over the threshold that entitles me to ‘free or state sponsored’ care, the means testing threshold being just over £23,000. If I have some money then it’s expected that I pay for part of my care – fair?

Secondly – there are some passengers who have squandered every single penny acquired either through hard graft or scrounged from the State with never a thought as to what might happen in their later years. The expectation of those passengers appears to be that if care or anything else is needed then someone other than themselves or their family will pick up the tab. They’ve taken ZERO accountability for managing their own care or lives. If the Government is going to levy a separate NCS tax then that very same levy needs to be taken from any benefit handouts so that everyone contributes equally for their future care costs.

Thirdly – There is also the question of choice and personal expectations of care. Wealthier patrons using social care services may prefer to pay privately in order to obtain a higher standard of care that is tailored more specifically to their needs or expectations. It’s like choosing to stay at The Ritz instead of at a Travelodge or sending your kids to private schools. Luxury costs money. If I want the best, I can hardly expect someone else to pay for it, can I? Local Authorities are certainly not going to pay for you to stay at the Ritz that’s for sure.

Third question:  Of the percentage of people currently in care or using social care services paid for by the State or Local Authorities, how many of them are on benefits?

Welfare claimant levels are growing yet the magic money tree that generates the cash to fund their lives is not. This tree is withering under a drought of lower birth rates and fewer tax payers. Whilst we always associate ‘care’ with the elderly, there is probably a surprisingly high percentage of users of care services that are under state retirement age. Who have never worked or worked very little throughout their lives.

This growing majority is propped up by a dwindling working minority so political parties of every persuasion are going to have to come up with new and exciting ways to fleece taxpayers further to keep the magic money tree alive. Why not create yet another Ponzi type scheme where everyone pays in but not everyone gets a payout?

Fourth question:  Is it fair to expect people to invest in a system where they do not see any tangible benefit or return on their investment?

I am not averse to paying a bit more tax (I am) if that extra money is specifically ring fenced for care costs. Ring-fenced cash for care would enable me to buy into the fantasy that I’m putting money aside for when my turn comes. However, having paid in that bit extra then I’d expect to have some kind of guaranteed payback in return. After all, investors usually get paid dividends when they invest their money.

What I would not expect is to contribute for a lifetime then find that none of my care needs can be met by the State decades later.

I do not want a new baby brother or sister for the NHS. It’s bad enough that none of my current health needs or expectations can be adequately met without me having to dip into my pocket time and time again for private treatments. Having an NCS (National Care Service) to pay for as well would quite frankly, be pants.

Fifth question:  How much Inheritance Tax revenue does the Treasury stand to lose if people have to sell their properties in order to pay for care?

You’ve worked hard all your life to acquire material wealth which you hope to pass on to your offspring one day. What no-one ever expects is to have to liquidate their material assets before they kick the bucket in order to fund care costs. Unfair? Yes, it is. But without voluntary euthanasia to resort to then what other choice do you have? Care is not going to pay for itself.

Funding a National Care Service sounds a bit like the Government wants a bigger slice of your cake whilst you’re alive in the form of an extra care tax and again once you’re dead when the value of your property pushes your estate over their frozen IHT thresholds. Double bubble for the Treasury.

Surely it is better to sell your property so that you can spend your later years living in Ritz-like care home luxury, waited on hand and foot than to leave your dependants with a huge IHT headache once you’ve gone? Remember - the only one really benefitting from elderly people holding onto material assets is The Revenue, not you or your families.

I know I’m sounding insensitive and I do apologize because deep down, I’m not a hard-hearted callous bitch but a caring person who does not like seeing others being taken for a ride.

I’ve rambled on (as always) so I shall finish this epic post with one final observation:

HAVE and HAVE NOTS – we cannot get away from the fact that in life for whatever reason, there will always be inequalities. These inequalities give rise to two-tier systems. It may not seem fair to have two-tier systems but that’s the way it is. Life’s not fair by any means.

Social care should not be a one-size-fits-all blanket funded by the State. In the ideal world, of course it would be but then we don’t live in an ideal world. We live in a world where everyone is different, has different needs/expectations/demographic/wealth etc, etc. That’s a whole lotta of differences and the key thing to remember is that NOT EVERYONE NEEDS social care.

Andy Pandy and those advocating any kind of national social care system need to do a lot of data crunching before making any changes or else we’ll end up with yet another scenario where the many, end up paying unfairly for the few.  My questions might actually help him identify how much of a real problem social care actually is.

ZERO VAT ON ELECTRICITY BILLS

There’s one thing that our new Prime Minister and I have in common and that’s our loathing of Thatcherism. (Mouthwash me!).

Privatisation of all our utilities was the worst thing that could have happened to the UK but what I’d really like to know is this – what happened to all the money raised from the sale of these industries to private companies/investors?  What did Thatcher do with it?

Andy Pandy’s gone top of the league by starting his premiership with a few gimmicky bones thrown to dogs in a bid to garner popularity with the masses. My eye’s lit up to see the headline ‘VAT to be cut on household energy bills’. This headline now appears to have been specifically updated to include the word ‘electricity’ in the title.

Marvellous! Just what we all need to help with the rising cost of living, no VAT on our leccy bills. Fandabbydozy!

The devil’s in the detail though. Buried in the not-so-small print is that this priceless gift will only apply for a 6-month period from October 2026 to March 2027 and not forever. I suspect that war in the Middle East and its impact on future energy supplies could well scupper this policy but we’ll see. For now, let’s rejoice in that few extra quid.

Being the sad number-cruncher that I am, I wanted to quantify this potential monetary saving so I dug out all my previous energy bills covering the period October 25 to March 26 to see how much VAT I’d been charged in the past on my electricity during the same time period.

Wow! A grand total of just over £14 historically paid. Only that much VAT? Hmmmm. Such a paltry saving is not really going to make a dent in filling my cost-of-living pot-hole is it?

Let’s not look too closely in the mouth of this gift horse but instead re-focus on the positives ie what you could do with an extra £14 in your purse. Fourteen pounds would get you any one of the following:

• 8 pints of milk @ £1.65 per bottle
• 8 litres of diesel @ £1.65 per litre
• 7 x £2 bus trips
• 5 pints of Stowford Press cider at Wetherspoons (£2.39 per pint)
• 1 x £11 cinema ticket at the New Park cinema
• 2 x All-you-can-eat breakfasts at Toby Carvery (£6.99 each)
• 12 hours of parking in town (£10) and possibly enough change for a cuppa
• 3 x multipacks of Cornetto at Tesco (£3.75 per box)
• 28 x toilet rolls (Tesco pack of 4 luxury soft rolls at £2 per pack)
• 12 x Light bulbs (Amazon £1.14 per bulb)
• 2 x boxes of AnuSol soothing ointment for haemorrhoids (Boots £4.90 per tube)

That reduction on my energy bills is going to make one heck of a difference to my already pared back lifestyle but I’m not complaining because not having VAT applied to any bill is one less tax to pay and I’m all for not paying taxes.

SSES - SMART SECURE ELECTRICITY SYSTEMS

Imagine you’re watching your favourite soap opera on the telly, it’s just about to get to that nail-biting climax when PFFFT! Your TV has unexpectedly switched off. Not by you but by unseen fingers…

You’re relaxing in a nice hot shower, luxuriating under a torrent of deliciously warm water after a hard day’s work. You’ve primed up the loofah with a squirt of jasmine scented shower gel ready to give your aching limbs a good scrubbing when AAAHHHH! That nice jet of hot water suddenly becomes an ice-cold dribble.

But I never touched the controls…

Fast forward a few months. It’s the coldest winter since 1963. Even the tortoise is sleeping under a fleecy blanket. You’re wearing a Sherpa grade 10 tog padded cardigan but still chilled to the bone. There’s an ice floe developing on the surface of your cuppa. I’ll just pop the heating on for a few minutes to take the edge off when ZZZZZTTTT! You turn the thermostat dial but nothing happens…

Welcome to the SSES world! Smart Secure Electricity Systems – the latest tool in the oppressor’s arsenal. This is what's triggered my spidey-sense into shock mode.

Behold a new world of smart gadgetry. Every electrically powered item you own is now a ‘smart’ gizmo not only connected to the internet but with the capability of being remotely controlled. Not by you but by someone else. Probably your energy supplier. Or some other Big Brother type entity specifically set up by the Government to become the Kilowatt Kontroller.

Unbeknown to most of us, a series of consultations has been taking place on the Q T since 2024 on this new world order. The driving force something described in the consultation document as ‘Consumer Lead Flexibility’ or CLF.

What bollocks! There’s no ‘flexibility’ about having human behaviour manipulated so that people are forced to change the way they act which is exactly what’s happened since the energy sector was made to introduce Time of Use Tariffs. The powers that be have contrived to funnel us down this hole for some time now and succeeded due to the gullibility/greediness of human nature.

If you think the Crazy Chi Lady has been eating too many magic mushrooms, you can read the consultation documents yourself via these links:

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/6808a2630324470d6a394eb2/SSES-consultation-response.pdf

https://www.gov.uk/government/consultations/delivering-a-smart-and-secure-electricity-system-implementation

But the nub of it is that to save the Government having to spend vast amounts of cash upgrading the existing energy infrastructure, all future electrical appliances available for punters to buy will be ‘smart’ appliances meaning that they’ll come with internet connectivity that can then be remotely controlled if need be.

SSES will begin with a limited roll-out encompassing only heat pumps or hot water systems but believe me once the Kilowatt Kontroller (KK) demonstrates how effective a remote-controlled energy supply is then what’s to stop this approach being extended to every single power consuming gadget in a household?

There won’t be a need for expensive upgrades to the National Grid because when it looks like demand for power is inching closer to ground zero, the KK can simply dial down the nation’s consumption by adjusting thermostats or capping the amount of energy a household can consume.

The reality is that you don’t even need any WIFI gadgets for this to happen because energy providers have already got the capability of altering your power supply through smart meters. They could if they really wanted to, switch off your energy at source by turning it off at the meter remotely. One of the key reasons why I’ve resisted having one installed in the first place. ‘Oh, I thought that was just your usual paranoia’ mutters the other half from behind his own laptop screen.

Somewhere in the document it goes on to say that households will be given the opportunity to ‘opt in’ to the SSES regime and be rewarded for it in the form of discounted energy bills. Ha, ha, ha. What tosh! Do you think that if there’s a national power emergency, the Grid are going to ascertain who has opted in or not before flicking the OFF switch? Of course not.

I may be over-reacting (you are) but do I really want to live in a world where I’m forced to buy a product that is not totally within my control? That could be infiltrated without my knowledge without so much as a by-your-leave? A world where I am deprived of the freedom of choice? Where my right to heat my own home when I want and for as long as I want is snatched away? Well, I don’t!

I’m sorry but if this isn’t a Big Brother approach then what is? I’m certainly not buying any gadgets that can be remotely controlled by anyone because if that is not a form of oppression then I don’t know what is.

Muse summed up this scenario perfectly in verse 2 of their song ‘Uprising’

Another promise, another seed
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined

THEY WILL NOT CONTROL US

POWER GRAB

OMG! The power grab has begun!

Whilst the world’s attention is focussed on Andy Pandy’s triumphant march into No 10 or Spain’s glorious World Cup win, it’s another front-page nugget that’s got my mind racing. Big Brother is coming for your heat pumps!!!

Front page - The Telegraph 20 July 26

I feel like Crazy Charlie from that apocalyptic disaster movie ‘2012’ – he’s that fabulously deranged character living in a dilapidated camper van whose mad ravings about the end of the world have fallen on deaf ears. Only John Cusack realises that maybe Crazy Charlie isn’t so crazy after all and is making a point worth listening to.

Crazy Charlie - 2012

I’m Crazy Chi Lady. I’ve been trying to warn you all about the remote access capability of your energy systems on this blog and how easy it would be for suppliers to steal your power using smart meters or other smart internet gadgets. I suspect my demented ravings have just been dismissed as populist paranoia but now I fear, it may be too late for some of you.

Unlike Crazy Charlie, I have about 4 followers on this blog and no personal radio channel so it’s a little bit harder to get the message out there but as always, I’m not letting these minor shortcomings stand in the way of getting the word out.

Electricity rationing. I said it about 6 weeks ago (Leccy Rationing post) and I’ll say it again – they are going to control your power supply. Invisibly. Via your smart meters or other connected internet devices. There will be NOTHING you can do to stop them. Only those who are NOT connected to the grid via one of these devices will be spared initially.

I say initially because ultimately, if the Grid doesn’t get its shit together then it will just shut down completely causing major power outages across the nation so we'll all be buggered.

Power blackouts = no internet. No smartphones. No social media. No access to news. No tea (unless you’ve got a gas hob). Nothing. Just blackness. And silence. Enjoy The Silence said Depeche Mode. Yes, enjoy it because the quicker we shut out all this cyber noise, the faster we’ll be able to engage brains to survive the cold.

It will begin with heat pumps. Big Brother will sneakily turn down your thermostat a notch or two, not enough to cause icicle formation but you might feel a slight nip in the air when you leave a room to go to the toilet. Then AI will decide how long your heating will run for. Snooty rich Southerners more likely to get less heating time than poor, deprived Northerners who lack the benefit of warm sea currents to take the edge off cold weather.

From heat pumps, central control will then spread to solar systems especially those with battery storage. There’ll be no cheap overnight charging for you. Hope you’ve got a good pair of sturdy walking boots in the cupboard for when you have to hike miles to work because EV charging has been rationed.

The article states that Britain’s electricity supply typically comes under the most strain during winter cold snaps. No shit Sherlock. Remind me, what is it climate scientists have been repeating till the cows come home? Hotter summers – colder winters. COLDER. Extended cold spells possibly the result of La Nina, the chillier ying to the sweltering El Nino yang are more than likely given the natural patterns of planetary weather.

So, if COLDER weather might become the new normal then it follows that demand for heating is going to increase. Since the Government have done nothing but persuade us all to electrify our lives then they should have long ago anticipated that MORE power will need to be generated to satisfy the population’s needs. Of course, they probably haven’t done so because instead of ensuring that back up power plants are in place, they will take their usual approach which is to BAN or RESTRICT the use of the underlying resource.

I’ll leave it there because there’s a third thing in this article that’s rendered me speechless. It’s something I find so shocking that I’m off for a walk round the garden to calm my frayed nerves.

What has caused me to clam up like a cockle? You’ll just have to wait until the next post to find out.

WORLD CUP CHICKEN

It’s staying home, it’s staying, chicken’s staying home…

We’re not a competitive family. Well, not that much. Let’s just say there’s a strong desire in all of us to be winners, not losers so whenever there’s any kind of competition, pub quiz, sporting event, etc then naturally everyone goes all out to be top of the heap.

The World Cup tournament is no exception. When it comes to footie, there are long-standing family traditions to abide by namely the winning of the World Cup Chicken.

Three wings on a shirt, Chicken cup still gleaming…

The World Cup Chicken Trophy

This trophy almost as prestigious as the real one resides at the front of our cocktail cabinet, emerging every four years for the family footie sweepstake.

I can’t even recall how I acquired the thing – probably scooped up on some bygone charity shop shopping trip but even with its badly hand-painted exterior, beady eyes and random gold spots, it is a thing of beauty. It’s also the perfect repository for our pound coins, entry fee and prize money for our sweepstake. Due to inflation, each coin now acts as a token fiver as that’s what the winner receives from each participating family member.

Place your bets

Teams are drawn totally at random, names written on scraps of paper pulled from a Tupperware container that’s ceremoniously passed round in a flurry of laughing and much larking around. Even at this stage, competitive banter abounds as teams as loudly cheered or booed before being hastily jotted down then officially circulated on a spreadsheet to prevent any allegations of cheating or corruption.

The draw

Once drawn, that’s your footballing lot. No selling or swapping of teams with other family members is permitted. Your destiny or path to lifting the Chicken is completely in the lap of the Gods or rather the numpties on the pitch.

But it doesn’t end there as someone’s got to update the spreadsheet. Guess who? It’s the person with the least interest in football but who loves tinkering with spreadsheets and has nothing better to do since leaving the rat race. I’ll have you know, I take this job very seriously. I may not watch any of the games but believe me, rigorous checking of results follows.

To keep up the family fun, I email the spreadsheet round after each major stage in the tournament accompanied by some frivolous punditry, banter and other tongue-in-cheek remarks designed to gee up everyone.

As teams get knocked out, things get quite high-spirited as anyone still left in at this stage is mentally drawing up a list of things they’ll spend that prize money on (all of £36) and hoping they’ll be the one who gets to keep the Chicken for the next four years.

If Spain reach the final in any given World Cup year, there’s a family pilgrimage to the Ancient Mariners house to watch ‘El Partido’ (the match), sink a few beers and be proud of our Spanish heritage. Faces painted in red and yellow and wearing a motley assortment of footie kits, red T-shirts or random Hispanic themed garments to cheer on our team. Vamos! It’s such a hoot!

A tense finale to this year’s tournament between Argentina (daughter) and Spain (other half), with the best team giving those barging Argies a deserved thrashing. GOL!!!!!!

Spain lifts the trophy

World Champions 2026 - Spain

Having lifted the Chicken, scooped up his winnings, the other half has proudly hung his Spanish football shirt out of the bedroom window so that all the neighbourhood can see that in this household, it’s Viva Espana and not Three Lions.

What will the neighbours think?

BURN 'EM!

I don’t like Mondays, least of all those Mondays where a new Prime Minister is being ushered in to No 10.

The question in our household is not what policies will be proposed by this new incumbent but how long he’ll last in the hot seat. There’s another 3 years until the next general election and at today’s current PM replacement rate then we could easily see one, possible two more in power before we hit the polling stations.

Any other disappointed Muse fans reading this post? Well, weep no more at the lack of decently-priced tickets for their gigs for I have discovered the antidote to this dynamic pricing snake bite which I’m going to share with the world at large. It's Cydonia Knights.

A brilliant tribute to Muse

Cydonia Knights are billed as the UK’s premier Muse tribute band and having checked out their grooves last Friday night at The Brook, Southampton, I can honestly say that unlike Ticketmaster, they didn’t disappoint. Great gig!

They may have lacked pyros or the over-the-top visual stage show that usually accompanies well established bands but musically, I shut my eyes and was instantly transported back to my favourite Muse album – The Resistance.

‘You’re beginning to sound like Jeremy Corbyn’s sister’ groaned the other half as from my bar stool I began to spout forth on how the dynamic ticketing menace could be quashed once and for all if every gig-going punter voted with their feet en masse and just stopped buying tickets. 

Hype. Demand. Price Hike. That’s the formula used to manipulate fans into coughing up more than is decent to watch musical acts but if there were no audiences then surely things would have to change? Up the revolution! That’s what I say (fist pump).

Tribute bands – the closest you’ll get to your heroes at a fraction of the price. These are the unsung stalwarts of the music world. And just to give you an idea of how cost effective it is to follow these bands then here’s a numerical example to put things into perspective:

Cheapest single ticket for Muse at the O2 London on Ticketmaster = £113

Single ticket for Cydonia Knights at The Brook = £15

Seven fans can go to see a Muse tribute band for the same price as one Ticketmaster seated ticket.

Another thing about tribute bands is that whilst many of them may not physically resemble those that they are paying homage to like The Devout (Depeche Mode tribute); they often give fans a better listening experience usually playing longer sets so you get more bang for your buck.

These humble bands are not hampered by having to promote a new album so can deliver all those popular favourite tracks beloved by fans plus throw a few obscurer album tracks into the mix. Tracks that many real bands rarely play live. Yeah, Radiohead. I still remember your gig at the O2 where you failed to play ‘Creep’ – the track your fans were most desperate to hear on the night.

And so, this brings me neatly back to our new PM. Is he the real PM thing or just a bad tribute to a band of manipulative, cowardly, Labour party reprobates who will throw him under the political bus as soon as he shows he’s got a mind of his own and isn't toeing the party line?

‘Burn ‘em!’ is what we’re all likely to be shouting after the next Budget.

NHS - NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Can’t we just fast-forward to autumn? I whined to the other half as we plodded round Worthing last weekend, sweating like pigs and chugging down water like it’s going out of fashion. This super-hot summer has become almost as tedious as all that tennis on the telly.

It's funny how all media reporting has failed to highlight the impact of this year’s ‘El Nino’ weather phenomena on current conditions, preferring instead to hammer home the point that the reason we’re all frying is pretty much our fault. Oh yes, should I mention 1976? That mother of all heatwaves. And also, an El Nino year.

Like the proverbial elephant, I remember summer 1976. Catholic secondary school. Early teens. Lessons under shady trees on the school playing fields. Knee high socks could be swapped for ankle socks or sandals. For once, ties banished to the outer recesses of your floordrobe. Hurrah! There were no school closures in them days.

Hot weather is no laughing matter for the elderly or infirm. Now is definitely not a good time to get sick. Not that there is any particular period when going down with a bug or two is preferable but in today’s NHS world, patients may as well be sat under a shady tree on a school playing field because trying to get a quick or timely diagnosis on anything is pointless.

The saga of mother’s chronic conditions continues. I’m now on her GP’s speed-dial as in my role of care-concierge, calendar updater, prescription collector and chauffeur to the ancient wonder, I am also first in the chain of command on all things medical.

‘Eez bed neeuws’ uttered the good doctor in an Eastern European accent that would have gone unnoticed in the Kremlin.

This ‘bed neeuws’ or rather bad news, is that the NHS’s Iron Curtain Deficiency Clinic have refused to accept mother’s referral for further investigation of her ongoing anaemia and iron deficiency on the basis that her ‘markers’ appear borderline. In their view, she doesn’t meet the ‘criteria’. What criteria would that be exactly? The criteria that her anaemia may not be a sign of something seriously wrong with her?

I held my tongue as the doctor read me the letter of response sent by the specialist department. Outrageous! I thought as an explosive barrage of expletives detonated silently in my head. I appreciate the NHS is skint but to play God with sick people’s lives is beyond the pale. Who in the NHS will take responsibility if mother deteriorates further whilst waiting for someone, somewhere to conduct specialist investigation of her conditions? It’s a ***king disgrace, is what it is!!

What’s even more outrageous, is that according to Doctor Google this situation is not new. Reading this article published in May 2022, it seems this practice is what the health service prescribes at large:

https://www.patientsafetylearning.org/blog/rejected-outpatient-referrals-are-putting-patients-at-risk-and-increasing-workload-pressure-on-gps 

Happy to provide advice and guidance but anything like proper testing, in-person examinations or specialist consultations then forget it. Not a good time to get sick, not now, not ever.

As I’ve said many a time on this blog - pushing out care into the community, things are only going to get worse as time goes on. The NHS has thrown up a blockade so formidable that not even Trump can bomb his way out of it. Seeing your GP is going to be the end of the line for most of us. Anything else and it’ll cost you. Privately.

There’s not a day goes by when some poor bugger has had to resort to private healthcare in order to get drugs, surgical interventions or access to new treatments that would not otherwise have been possible on the NHS. The media is full of these tales. The sad thing is that once-upon-a-time these stories would have been an exception, now they’re just the norm.

It just isn’t good enough!

BOOKING.MEH

Cyber life is becoming more and more of a gigantic pain in the arse as time goes on. Websites that could once be trusted to delivery a quality service or product now appear to be nothing but platforms for shysters.

Rapidly going down the shitter in my estimation is that popular website Booking.com. Where once you could select guaranteed hotel or other types of accommodation for a reasonable price, now it’s become a repository for foreigners offering sub-standard rooms that blow you out at the last minute throwing a gigantic spanner in your travel plans.

It has been my misfortune to be at the receiving end of these practices not once but three times in the past few months. Cheap accommodation booked for concerts well in advance, cancelled just days before travel leaving me fuming and totally in the lurch.

Cancellations happen – yeah, I get that. Sometimes there are mix ups with room bookings, etc. Nobody’s perfect but when this starts to happen regularly particularly during dates when there are multiple big events or concerts happening at the same time especially in London then I start to get a bit suspicious.

Take my room booking for this weekend for example. I’d booked 2 nights at a property in Woolwich more than six months ago costing £64 per night. Bargain price for a weekend in London. I messaged the property mid-June to confirm my time of arrival as they’d requested.

Then today, two days before I’m due to jump on a train to the Big Smoke. Wham! Sorry, your room’s cancelled. There’s been a double booking so sorry, you’re getting canned. Tough.

What! Exactly when did this double booking occur? You failed to mention this 3 weeks ago when I messaged so I can only assume I’ve been given the boot either because the Hyde Park festival is on or because England miraculously qualified for the World Cup quarter finals and are playing Norway this weekend. Maybe you’ve found another sucker that’ll pay more for a bed than I am or you’re having all your mates round to watch the footie.

Either way, I’m now as mad as hell because I can’t get my train tickets refunded so £42 out of pocket.

My previous cancellations followed the same pattern. Harry Styles plays Wembley so my cheap rooms booked in Camden got unexpectedly cancelled and so did the replacement rooms at the Colonnade Hotel. Bit of a coincidence or what?

Needless to say, I shall in future be using Travelodge, Premier Inn or any other bona fide hotel chain if I feel the need to visit the City so your loss not mine.

Let this be a warning to anyone out there that is using Booking.com to snag themselves a bargain break. Be prepared for last minute heartache and headache. Should you be using this platform then make sure that whatever arrangements you’ve made are fully refundable even if it means paying that little bit extra for travel or accommodation.

RE-DESIGNED CAT LOO

Tut, tut, tut, Andy. Your toe's not over No 10’s threshold and you’re already upsetting the applecart with your Nanook of the North plans. 

Your desire to turn back time to a pre-Thatcher era is a brave move I’ll give you that but unless you’ve unexpectedly discovered a gold mine under Larry the Mouser’s litter tray then it ain’t gonna happen without loads of dosh which even that muppet Miliband can’t miraculously magic up.

Why do you think Thatcher privatised everything in the first place? It wasn’t because she wanted to live up to promises of turning plebs into shareholders. 

No – it was because the Government couldn’t afford to run the utilities; those unionised environments being a complete money pit draining Treasury coffers of every single penny. Same for council houses. They got sold off so that local/central authorities wouldn’t have costly maintenance headaches to continually fund.

Agreed that privatisation of essential utilities was a bad move, we're now seeing the dire repercussions of that policy but re-nationalisation of these industries is only going to work if they're run with an iron fist.  

And as for your plans to ‘Manchesterize’ the world – seriously? Whatever next?

Re-distributing the wealth of snooty southerners to fund crap hats and coats? Somehow, I don’t think your newly found politico mates are going to allow that without a fight. But hey, your shenanigans are at least helping to alleviate the boredom of endless footie and tennis on the telly so crack on.

Back at the funny farm, I’m tackling sporting monotony by re-designing Bertie’s kitty loo because:

• a) I’ve got nothing better to do with my retired time
• b) I’m too tight to pay for an enclosed cat loo.
• c) There’s a Manchester sized pile of MDF offcuts cluttering up the garage that need using up.

Cats are very clean creatures but every time they pop off for a pee, a shingle bank suddenly appears on your flooring. To hold back the tide of kitty litter, I’ve designed a high sided box for Bertie’s tray to sit in. The extra tall sides should help to contain any mess and keep it off my new LVT floor.

BEFORE - looks untidy

How can I stop cat litter getting out?

Here’s how to make your own high sided litter tray container out of MDF:

First take a nice piece of chunky MDF or OSB then pop your cat’s litter tray on top. Using the tray for reference, draw a rectangular shape a few inches larger than the dimensions of the tray. Cut to size. This piece will form the base of your new structure.

Cut rectangular base larger than your litter tray

Work out how high you want your box to be. My box has 40 cm high sides/back but a shorter 14 cm high front piece. Basically, you are making a rectangular box with a short front for the cat to hop into.

Once you have worked out your measurements, cut four pieces of MDF – two rectangular pieces for the sides, one for the back and a shorter one for the front.

To prevent jabbing myself in the eye when cleaning out the litter tray, I’ve rounded off the front corners of each side piece. This can easily be achieved using a plate to create a nice curved shape. Place plate on top of your MDF rectangle near the corner then draw along the curved edge. Repeat for the other side piece. Cut your shaped edge using a jigsaw. Sand any ragged edges.

Use a plate to create a rounded edge

Next cut some lengths of timber batten to fit the internal dimensions of the box. Line these up along each outer edge of the base panel to make a frame. Using thin wood screws, fix the battens to the base screwing in from underside. Remember to countersink all screws so that no heads stick out.

Use timber battens inside box to secure panels

Using a flat surface, position the first side panel so that it sits outside of the base. Make sure front and back edges are aligned so that nothing protrudes. Countersink and screw side panels to the internal battens in a neat line. Repeat for the remaining sides.

Front panel screwed to battens

Back panel screwed to internal battens

Use a strip of small batten attached along the top inside edge of the front and back panel pieces to reinforce the structure.

Smaller battens fixed to top of back and front panels

Voila! A box to contain your cat litter tray. Place plastic tray inside to check it fits then prime/paint in whatever colour you fancy.

Litter box enclosure ready to prime & paint

No more cat litter to pick out from between toes or carpet. Okay, so the screw heads do look a bit clunky on the outside but it's only a cat litter box and I can live with that.  If you want it to look perfect then either glue it all together or use a nail gun.

Cat litter tray sits nicely in new high sided box

You can even colour drench your new kitty box enclosure to match existing décor so it doesn’t stand out from the crowd.

AFTER - Meow!  I wanted a blue one

UNPREPARED BRITAIN

And whilst I’m on the subject about Britons being unprepared for extreme weather conditions, I thought I’d take a few minutes to blab on about this topic in the hope that by expelling all my hot air it might help cool down the rest of my body.

Climate is changing. That message has been rammed down our throats for the last two decades so often that I’ve now got a poker hanging out my arse. Yet I see little evidence of the UK adapting for future living in climatic conditions that are only likely to get worse as time goes on according to scientific doom-mongers.

Wetter winters and hotter summers are trending now which means we should have started thinking ahead years ago as to how the nation as a whole may cope with these conditions in daily life going forward.

Reservoirs and rainwater harvesting is imperative. The country needs to collect and store as much of the precious wet stuff during the winter months in order to have a plentiful supply for the hotter, drier months.

Instead, our usual approach is to ban the use of hose pipes or limit consumption. But if those in charge had the foresight to plan ahead then there would be enough water for life’s normal activities such as cleaning cars or watering lawns because rainwater harvesting would already have been legislated for.

We are an island nation, surrounded by sea water and with rainfall that most likely makes up a vast percentage of our weather. So, why are there no Government schemes for cheap butts? In the same way that solar panels are now being mandated for new builds, why is no-one inventing ways of using rainwater to flush toilets then making that compulsory for all new houses? Why do new property developments not include large underground rainwater storage tanks in gardens? Why isn’t there a Government target for the building of reservoirs imposed on water companies?

Every year, the tabloids are full of reports of wide-spread flooding in the community but I’m yet to read any articles promoting dredging of over-silted waterways, channels or gulleys being dug to divert surface water away from flood prone areas or improvements to sewer systems. It’s the same old, same old. Nothing changes except the climate.

Prepare for hotter summers say the media. To which the public response is to buy survival blankets to drape across windows or put their bed sheets in the freezer. Again, where is the foresight to put in place legislated procedures to mitigate against extreme heat?

There are no laws governing maximum temperatures in the workplace or public institutions such as schools/hospitals etc. Many businesses are totally unprepared having no air conditioning or other cooling mechanisms in place to safeguard their employees who are expected to sweatily soldier on regardless. 

It’s insane telling people not to travel unless they have to but having no clear legislative guidance in place to enable businesses to exercise flexibility in extreme weather conditions.

Of course the irony is that the air conditioning that everyone is now clamouring to install in order to keep super cool also heats up the atmosphere thus adding to those climatic conditions that lead to heatwaves in the first place.  No prizes for what's going to feature next on Muppet Miliband's Ban It List but my guess is - air con systems.

So, Andy Burnham. Your challenge is to put your climatic thinking cap on and draw up a climate change manifesto that includes:

Introducing maximum & minimum temperatures in workplaces to safeguard the health and wellbeing of employees.

Flexible trading hours for businesses so that they can close during peak midday sun then re-open later as is currently the practice across most hot Mediterranean countries.

By law, allowing employees to choose to work from home if maximum workplace temperatures are exceeded so that they don’t have to travel at all during extreme weather events and to safeguard their health/wellbeing.

Businesses to pay out extreme weather bonuses if minimum or maximum temperatures exceeded for workers who because of the nature of their work have to report for duty regardless of whether there’s an ice age or heat dome.

Planning legislation that mandates the inclusion of rainwater capture/air conditioning in all new homes and that future property developments also include flood risk prevention measures where development is taking place on flood plains or near rivers.

Imposing targets on water companies for upgrading sewer systems to more efficiently remove surface rainwater. They should be forced to demonstrate that flooding in town centres/communities has visibly reduced year on year and heavily fined when it hasn’t.

Reservoir building projects should be expedited in the same way that clean energy ones are.

Britain needs to stop procrastinating, stop waiting until the climatic horse has bolted, stop expecting citizens to just sort it out amongst themselves and start putting a future plan for climate change in place.

Climate change is not going away any time soon so at what point does someone, somewhere need to get off their political arse to do something about it? Rant over, I’m off to put my knickers in the freezer and buy a dozen survival blankets for the windows.

LVT FLOOR LAID

Britons may be totally unprepared for extremes of weather but thankfully flooring fitters are not.

Tapi’s fitter made short work of laying LVT planks in the corridor.

Getting round all the fiddly bits

Long planks flowing down from the door

There is now a lovely wood-like river flowing from front door to loo which sets off the wall panelling nicely.

River of LVT

LVT is going to be a far more practical alternative to that awful red carpet as it’ll make it easier to sweep up the avalanche of cat litter scatter-gunned everywhere by Bertie after a visit to his loo.

Good job humans don’t do the same thing every time we visit the toilet. Imagine what it would be like if we’d flung bits of used loo roll all over the floor after every number 1 or 2. Yuck!!! Not going to mentally go there!

In the ideal world, I’d have loved an engineered wood floor or a nice bit of parquet. More’s the pity that the previous owners of this house hadn’t put in parquet then covered it up with carpet as some people did back then as that would have been a fantastic surprise when I ripped out the old flooring. But no. Lack of taste or pennies or both, we’ll never know.

Just got to find a new coir mat to throw down next to the front door then I can declare this project officially finished – for now.

Looks lovely with wall panelling

A great improvement on the old

THE NEED FOR SCREED

‘Better poo at work as this floor’s taking ages to dry’ - the last text I sent to the other half from my joyless prison.

Seems like I’ve picked the hottest day of the year to get the fitters in to screed the bare corridor floor in preparation for LVT laying. My penance - spending the next 3-4 hours stuck in a hot, airless lounge with only a bucket to pee in.

BEFORE - bare floor ready to screed

Fiddly area to do

The poor bewildered moggy is probably wondering what he’s done to deserve being locked away in the bedroom where it is even hotter than downstairs. Poor Bertie. I’ll make it up to you later with some extra treats and belly rubs. He’s got a clean litter tray, large bowl of grub and a gallon of water so before any of you ring the RSPCA, I can assure you no cats were harmed in the making of this floor.

Meanwhile, stuck in the lounge with a bottle of chilled water and builder’s bucket in temperatures you could boil an egg in, my t-shirt has now collected enough sweat to water the veggies later on.

No good complaining, it’s gotta be done. I may have gotten away with screeding the floor of the downstairs loo but that was the size of a large postage stamp. This corridor is far too long and dog-legged to repeat the procedure especially since there are four doorways and the foot of the stairs to factor in. Leave it to the professionals, I say.

Screeding round the foot of the stairs

Several hours and half a dozen episodes of ‘Harlots’ later, the screed has slowly transformed from a shiny ice rink to a light grey haven of solidity, enabling access to both loo and kitchen. Hurrah!

Freshly poured screed

Smooth and shiny

What’s more, the smooth unblemished surface is deliciously cold so excuse me whilst I strip down to my kecks and go starfish on it but first of all, I’d best let the cat out.

Four hours later - all dried out

Lovely cold surface to walk on

SOILED AGAIN!

Home, sweet home.

As much as I love spending time with my aged folks, I’m always pleased to get back on home turf away from the stink of urine splattered dressing gowns or endless meals of boiled potatoes and green beans. Such is the glamour of an octogenarian menu; they pretty much eat the same things every single day so it’s no wonder they suffer from vitamin deficiencies.

By all accounts, I’m back in the nick of time as the Met Office is predicting another ‘heatwave’. It’s curious that what designates a heatwave in the UK changes almost as much as a prime minister. Last year, it was temperatures over 30 degrees for 3 days in a row. This year, that classification has dropped to anything from 25 to 28 degrees for 3 days in a row.

Abroad, anything from 25 to 28 degrees is usually classed as ‘summer’ and not a heatwave but in belt-and-braces Britain, anything hotter than a cheese toastie spells trouble.

Can ‘heatwaves’ be confined to a specific UK region? I always thought that the term ‘heatwave’ would be a weather phenomena like an electric blanket that applies heat across a whole nation rather than to just tiny parts. But hey, I’m no meteorologist so what I know about this stuff could fit on the back of a fag packet.

Looking out of the window, it’s hard to figure out when this forecast heatwave is due to materialise. Today’s lack-lustre cloudy skies cannot be described as anything other than dreary rather than tropical. The only giveaway is the oppressive humidity that leaves you sweat-soaked if you so much as bat an eyelid.

This heat is exhausting!

Aside from one or two sunny spells, June has been largely disappointing to say the least but by all accounts, we’re now on red alert for tomorrow and Thursday. Crawl into a cool, dark cave and stay there. Only come out at night – that’s my plan of action.

Rain would not be very welcome on a day when I’ve had a super-sized dumpy bag of top soil delivered. Last thing I need is a squelchy dirt cowpat of elephantine proportions to barrow from driveway to garden.

Bag of soil anyone?

With indoor DIY projects at a standstill, I’ve turned my attention to the back garden. There’s a scruffy looking spot in front of the RNLI themed shed and under a lilac tree that could do with a bit of a primp.

Could this vista be improved?

Whilst ‘nanny sitting’, the other half kindly rustled up a narrow sleeper bed in front of the shed:

New sleeper bed in front of shed

And a zig-zag sleeper border to neaten the area under the tree.

Looks tidier already

Once filled with top soil and leaf mulch, I can then plant up these spots with either more strawberry plants or flowers to make the most of this extra growing space.

Ready to fill with top soil

I fancy a nice climbing rose to trail up and around the shed window. I’m hoping this might soften its appearance when looking at it from the lawn.

Now all that’s left for me to do is make this huge bag of soil disappear rather like the Labour Party have finally done to Out-on-his-ear Kier. So long, Starmer and hello Burnham.

Out with the old and in with the new

He’s got about 3 years before the next general election to turn this nation’s silk purse into a sow’s ear because unless he rips up the rule book to start again, he’s just going to be hampered by the same political and financial constraints that strait-jackets everyone in the prime ministerial hot seat. Good luck to you, mate.

To end on a more positive note, I may not have managed to get hold of tickets for Muse but I did enjoy a fantastic trip down memory lane going to the Foreigner gig at Wembley Arena. What an amazing show!

Foreigner - still awesome after 50 years