'V' FOR VALLETTA

‘V’ is for Valletta or Viennetta as I like to think of it as I’ve been busy sampling lots of delicious gelatos since landing. By the time I fly home I’m going to be looking like a Malteser – small, brown and very round.

Just one cornetto?

‘V’ is also for very crowded. Cruise ships and coach parties pour into Valletta on a daily basis, making the compact city centre a sightseer’s nightmare. Just look at all these grockles!

Far too many tourists packed into every street

My patience with ‘Viennetta’ is rapidly melting. I’ve been elbowed in the ribs, boob punched, jostled repeatedly and almost pushed down the steps of the local SPAR shop by an impatient Italian woman who just couldn’t wait for me to get through the doorway. These ‘mambo Italiano’ grockles do appear to be the worst of the lot. Nothing but a load of impatient, arrogant, loud queue jumpers.

In addition to half the world shoehorned into an area the size of Chichester’s town centre, ‘V’ is for very expensive.

Breakfast al fresco

Holidays abroad are no longer the bargain break they once were. Over the past decade, prices particularly across the Mediterranean regions but also in the EU generally, seem to be levelling up almost to the point that very soon it won’t matter if you’re in Munich or Malta because everything will just have one generic euro price across the bloc.

Where you could once drink a cold beer in Spain for less than a couple of euros, in Malta a pint of local brew (Cisk) will set you back between 3 to 6 euros depending on which bar you’re at.

Locally brewed at Farson's.  Excellent brewery tour

‘Eddies’ in Republic Street offers 2 x beers or 2 x Aperols for 8 euros so you can still have a skinful for under 20 euros.

Relaxing with a beer in Republic Street

Budget around 40 to 50 euros if you want a nice restaurant meal for two (no wine). Like all economies built on the tourist dollar, the Maltese are skilled in the art of parting punters from their euros so for super scrimpers like us who enjoy value for money, the thrill of it is to have as much fun as possible but without needing a second mortgage to pay for a holiday. For those on a shoestring budget, there are plenty of pizza deals often with Aperol spritz’s thrown in for free especially in the area around Republic Street.

Valletta’s food market in Merchant Street houses a food court as well as a supermarket so if in self-catering accommodation, you can always cook your own pizzas to save a few pennies. 

The cheapest and tastiest snack in town are ‘pastizzis’ – a small almost pasty-like treat filled with ricotta cheese costing around 60 cents. Couple of these and a can of Cisk takes care of lunch for as little as 5 euros.

For those tasty pastizzi moments

Fifteen is the magic number when it comes to sightseeing. Ten to fifteen euros seems to be the most common price per person for most museums or other tourist attractions in the city. It would be easy to burn through a hundred euros in one day if two of you just went to 4 or 5 places. 

Even the cathedral robbed us of 30 euros merely for the opportunity to gawp at golden decorations and take some photos. 

Breathtaking interior of the St John's Cathedral

If you enjoy visiting churches, the cathedral’s interior was out of this world but don’t wait until a Saturday to see it unless you want to queue for a couple of hours.

Am I getting any closer to the front of the queue?

Sorry if I seem to be painting a negative picture, it’s not always a continual assault on your wallet because public transport is as cheap as chips when compared to the UK. Buses have a flat fare of 2.5 euros to take you anywhere on the island you want to go and since Valletta has a huge bus depot, this is perfect for island exploration.

Is that the Maltese falcon?  No it's a budgie

Ferries serving both sides of Valletta will set you back 5 euros for a return trip. These run at regular intervals all day long so you can hop across the bay either to Sliema or Birgu if the crowds get too much.

Ferry or a traditional boat cruise round the harbour

Blink not once but twice. How is it that a small island like Malta can sell diesel for 1.21 euros per litre when I am paying about 70p more per litre in the UK? I kid you not. The camera never lies!

Maltese fuel prices - far cheaper than UKs