PRIME SUSPECT

I’ve been away for one week and look what’s happened - the Government’s imploded! Collapsed in on itself like a deflated bouncy castle. What’s this country coming to?

Not-quite-out-on-his-ear Keir is yet to set out his resignation timeline but his days are clearly numbered. More’s the pity as although he’s got the personality of a cardboard cut-out, what this country needs is a steady, boring type at the helm and not some gobshite renegade that will further trash our already precarious economy. If he goes, the chancellor is sure to follow as her popularity is on a par with gloopy semolina pudding.

In bygone times, your neck would have been on the block

Given the choice of the three successor stooges available – Rayner, Streeting, Burnham; a combination that sounds like a firm of dodgy accountants, I can’t see anything but a titanic disaster coming our way. Get your lifejackets ready for the autumn budget. It’s going to be a choppy ride.

Politics has become like football with prime ministers or premiership managers ten-a-penny. What’s needed to stabilise the state of this flailing nation is consistency, not continual leadership changes or in-party bickering. It’s the Tories all over again!

And as for that Zack Polanski, don’t get me started. There’s not enough cyber space available to fill with my thoughts on his crazy policies particularly those on illegal migration. 

Yeah Zack, let’s just open the floodgates to every Tom, Dick or Harry who wants to fleece the taxpayer of every hard-earned penny. We’ll give them all a big welcoming lily liberal hug then shower them with free taxis, hotels, healthcare, etc, etc. Then we can all stand back to watch as this island slowly sinks to the bottom of the Channel under the weight of over-population. Over my dead body. Vote Green? I’d rather pull my intestines out through my belly button!

It’s going to be an interesting political summer for sure. However, of greater importance are my veggies or rather, lack of. Has anyone else noticed that seeds this year are not germinating very well? Even the Ancient Mariner whose fingers are a damned sight greener than Zack is struggling to make any sense of the non-appearance of his runner beans.

Only 4 bean seeds have germinated

My dwarf beans have failed to materialise and the tomatoes I have managed to get to germinate are struggling to say the least. What pathetic specimens! 

Why aren't my tomatoes growing?

The only thing that’s gotten off to a good start are the carrots and chard which are happily thriving outside.

Carrots doing well

Hate to say it but my guess is that this situation is largely due to that awful peat-free compost we’ve been forced to buy in the interests of saving the planet. I’m now mixing my compost with either top soil or soil from the garden in a bid to try to improve growing capability.

I've stuck some new seeds into a tray of dirt positioned on a sunny windowsill. Let’s see if this next lot of beans will do any better now that I’m back to nurture them into existence.